Death of a Sibling

Struggling to Survive Brother’s Suicide

Friday, October 31, 2008

Janet writes in: I, along with my sister and now deceased brother, have always suffered from mental illness —  hereditary-based and environmental. We grew-up in an immensely dysfunctional home, with a raging alcoholic father. My sister has bipolar disorder, and I suffer from depression. I knew my brother planned on killing himself and argued for my parents to look for him after they had had a terrible fight and he left our home in a rage. They said because he was addicted to drugs, he was on his own. He was missing for 2 weeks, until a reporter found him […]

Open to Hope

Surviving Sister Nurses Her Wounds

By Ruby Rose Fox – I remember the first time I discovered an ACE bandage. I stole it from the medicine cabinet and quickly hid it in my room. I loved the soft fabric, the way it hugged my arm, and secured my muscles and joints. Like a rock climber meticulously nestling into feeble earth, I slowly curled it around my little arm. Oh, what comfort to be wrapped, to be protected. I showed my mother my carefully prepared arm and informed her that I sprained it and took care of it myself. She seemed indifferent, and I was just […]

Death of a Parent, Special Topics, Your Grief

Who Says Halloween’s Just For Kids? Easy Tips for Caregivers and Their Loved Ones to Enjoy the Fall Festivities

Thursday, October 30, 2008

You’re never too old for Halloween. It’s a fun fall festivity that should continue long after our toddlers have flown the nest. Life brings many challenges–disease, financial difficulties–and the best way to counteract all this doom and gloom is with a boo! Our elders really get a kick out of Halloween. They love to see the kids dress up and enjoy handing out candy, or at least watching the parade of adorable angels, fairies, pirates, and ghosts walk by. So go to a little trouble. Why? You argue that you’ve got enough to do being mom or dad’s daughter/son–and caregiving? Because […]

Special Topics, Your Grief

I Lost my Brother and Mother

My mother had a 3 story house that is broken into one studio apartment with a bathroom in the basement, a 2-bedroom duplex on the first and second floor. I lived in the studio apartment, my mother and sister shared the first floor and my brother had the second floor duplex. We all lived there like one happy family. It’s hard to believe that 4 adults could live together and get alone but we did. On June 23rd my sister and I were awaken by a knock on the door. My sister is a chaplain at one of the local […]

Death of a Parent, Special Topics, Your Grief

Preparing for the Death of a Father

by Neil Chethik – Sigmund Freud called it  the most poignant loss of his life. Sean Connery termed it  a shattering blow.  Norman Mailer likened it to  having a hole in your tooth. It’s a pain that can never be filled.  Each year, more than 1.5 million American boys and men lose their fathers to death. And like the three men mentioned above, most are unprepared. But preparation is possible. In the course of writing a book about father-loss, I asked 70 ordinary men what they did – or wish they’d done – to ready themselves for the […]

Death of a Child

Parent of Organ Donor Treated Like Royalty

By Reg Green — Recently, in the restaurant of a Northern Italian hotel, someone in our group told the waiter I was the father of a seven-year-old California boy who was shot in a bungled robbery while we were on vacation in Italy in 1994. From a nearby table, a voice said “Ah, Nicholas.” Tables around the room took up the theme until it became a topic of general conversation. It speaks volumes that a boy, and a foreigner at that, who was killed fourteen years ago can still bring a roomful of strangers together. It’s true the circumstances were […]

Death of a Parent

Caregivers: You Don’t Have to Like Your Mother to Love Her

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Newsflash: You don’t have to like your mother to love her. This, for some of us is a relief. We feel like bad sons or bad daughters if every thing’s not warm and fuzzy, but caregiving isn’t about your emotional barometer reading for the day. It’s no coincidence that we start out tethered to our mothers. The umbilical cord is the first of many. It sustains us, feeds us, is a highway of blood. It’s tough too. I remember my husband cut our daughter’s umbilical cords and he said he really had to work at it. And after all our mother-daughter […]

Death of a Spouse

Let’s All Take Advantage of the Widow! Dealing with Manipulative Family and Friends

Martha from Utah writes: Your blog comments would have been of immense help the first couple of years after my husband’s death.  We had been married for 45 years.   I can relate to all they say.   At this point in my adjustment (not recovery), reading what new widows have to say brings back a lot of the pain.   When it comes down to the nitty gritty, Time is the greatest healer.   It will be 4 years in February.   I have figured out I will either survive or die. Do any other widows complain about inheritance […]

Special Topics, Your Grief

Grief and the Internet

By Ken Doka — When we are grieving one needs all the support we can get.  One needs to use every tool, every resource that works.  Grief can be a difficult battle.  One must use every weapon he or she can muster. For some people, computers and the Internet are not helpful.  They may feel intimidated navigating a computer or have never sought to purchase a computer or sign up with an Internet server. Yet others may find additional resources on the Internet to assist in their struggle with grief.  For those who do, it is important to be aware […]

Open to Hope

Football Movie Handles Grief With Sensitivity

Saturday, October 25, 2008

By Abel Keogh — It’s hard to find a movie that effectively deals with the subject of grief. Occasionally however, there’s one that really deals with the subject in a realistic way. The most recent movie that does an excellent job dealing with the subject is We Are Marshall. We Are Marshall is about the tragic plane crash that killed the players and coaches of Marshall University in 1970. Though it’s hyped as a sports movie and the difficult task of rebuilding a college football team from scratch, We Are Marshall is really a movie about dealing with death and […]