Special Topics

Leaving a Place, Experiencing a Loss

Sunday, February 28, 2010

Grief is multifaceted, and I’ve realised over the years that our society does not acknowledge many of its aspects. Along with profound grief the death of a loved one brings us, we all experience many other types of losses as we go through life. There are small and not so small daily losses. Perhaps our injured knee backtracks after we’ve worked for months to strengthen it; maybe we’ve had intimate relationships end badly; maybe we’re living one lifestyle but longing for another. We may not even realise that these are losses, or we may choose not to acknowledge them. In a […]

Death of a Child

The Burden Basket

Saturday, February 27, 2010

Recently, my adventurous younger sister embarked on a trip of the lifetime to hike Mt. Everest. A part of my heart went with her as she carried with her an angel token engraved with my deceased son’s name. She placed his token at a prayer wall on the mountain. My heart was also touched by the spirit of the people who helped carry her supplies on her journey. I listened in awe as she described the conditions these young men endured as they worked to provide for their families. Some carried far more than their own weight up the mountain in […]

Children & Teens, Death of a Child, Special Topics

Talking With Grandchildren About Loss

“Grandma, why are you crying?” This was the question, as a six-year-old, that I remember asking my beloved Grandma Jensen as she cleaned out her attic.  Among the treasures we found sorting through the bows and arrows, large magnets, and an ancient violin were a number of pairs of white cotton gloves.  My grandmother, being raised in lean times, had learned to deal with lack and thus learned to make soap, bottle and can fruit, and sew her own clothes. “Grandma,” I asked, “what are those white gloves for?” That was when grandma teared up.  “Honey,” she said, “they were worn […]

Death of a Spouse

The Weight of Wishing

Friday, February 26, 2010

Every once in awhile, I am able to see myself through another person’s eyes. It’s sort of like looking up and seeing an image in a mirror, and then realizing the face that is reflected there is your own. The observations from these unguarded moments usually provide some serious food for thought. Recently I went to see the movie Brothers. I will leave out the movie review, but will tell you that I would probably not have watched this show had I not been with a friend who really wanted to see the film. Brief synopsis: An excellent family man who […]

Death of a Parent

Skating for Her Mother

Thursday, February 25, 2010

When most of us suffer a loss as great as that of a mother, we are left to grieve without the eyes of the world on us.  We do not have to temper our emotions because we are in the privacy of our own homes, surrounded by the comfort and warmth of our family and friends. This week as I watched the Olympic ice skating competition, I wondered how Canadian ice skater Joannie Rochette was going to be able to compete with the world watching.  Only a few days earlier, her mom died suddenly from a massive heart attack, just […]

Special Topics, Your Grief

Healthy Grief Expression Can Happen in Many Forms

Many who grieve find it difficult to express how they are feeling. As time passes, the opportunity to talk about their deceased loved one becomes less frequent whilst inside them the need to talk continues. Finding outlets for the feelings, and a way to communicate their experience to others, can be beneficial to the process of grief, and enable others to talk with them more openly. Here are some forms of grief expression: Art Not all of us are artistic, we may say, but what is art but expression? In my experience, art and using colour can enable expression of feeling […]

Death of a Parent

Hope in Healing After a Mother’s Suicide

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

It was only in the sanctuary of Dr. Walter’s office that I began to feel safe enough to talk about my mother’s suicide. His voice was calming. It was a relief to talk openly with someone who would listen to my dread. As a troubled teenager, I was stealing things and acting out, and finally I ran away from home to, of all places, my all-girls school, where my principal found me in the morning. That was the last straw in my father’s mind, and he and my stepmother placed a call to Dr. Walter. By listening more than anyone […]

Death of a Child

Conflicting Feelings on Third Anniversary of Daughter’s Death

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Today — February 23, 2010 – is third anniversary of my daughter’s death.  She died from the injuries she received in a car crash.  I have conflicting feelings: sorrow that will be with me always, and a sense of accomplishment about raising my grandchildren.  The instant we learned their father had died in another car crash, my husband and I told the twins they were coming home with us. Weeks later, the court appointed us as their legal guardians and fiscal conservators. Should I mention the third anniversary of their mother’s death to the twins?  Though they were sleepy when […]

Special Topics

As You Grieve, Look for Sacred Moments

After my physician husband completed his tour of duty in Vietnam, the Air Force sent him to a base in Selma, Alabama.  He was the commander of the medical group.  My husband and I, and our two young daughters, lived in a converted barracks.  Each morning, dozens of maids would walk from town – a distance of about four miles – to clean houses on base, and then walk back to Selma. I couldn’t believe it. It was still dark when I heard a voice in the distance.  The woman was singing “My Lord What a Morning,” a famous African-American […]

Death of a Child

Great Movies Send Message that Joy Returns

Monday, February 22, 2010

Oh……. we’re off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz …Those words and melody always bring to mind one of my favorite movies. Maybe it was gathering around the television with mismatched Tupperware bowls of popcorn and a cold bottle of Coke (my mother had her own “hands off” stash of Tab). We were dressed up for bed early, all snug in our jammies with pillows piled behind our heads and we would listen intently as Danny Kaye introduced us to the yearly ritual of the televised viewing of “The Wizard of Oz.” I love everything about the […]