Death of a Child

After a Child-Loss, Be Gentle With Yourself

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Child-loss is so very devastating. In the beginning, you can find little or no joy. But after several months, I was able to feel some comfort. So I tried to zero in on that and do things that would relive my stress and bring me some comfort. I know my beloved daughter would want that for me. Today, I had a total Me Day, which I have really needed. I went to have a spa pedicure and manicure. I have always had regular pedicures, but never a spa pedicure. My daughter’s best friend recommended a salon for me. So I woke up today and […]

Other Losses

Dealing With Loss in the Workplace

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Losses are part of life. A colleague lost his wife in a car accident. A fellow employee lost her home. Your supervisor is going through a divorce. All these transitions are losses experienced by people every day, but do we acknowledge them at the workplace? Unfortunately it doesn’t happen on a regular basis. Grief is the natural response to loss and it can have a huge effect on how we experience life. It can be manifested at various levels and in different dimensions, such as the physical, social, emotional and spiritual. How can you respond as a manager, supervisor or […]

Special Topics, Your Grief

Loss in the Season of Giving

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

How hard it is to be bereaved during the winter holiday season. The demands of the season for cheerfulness, socializing, and giving are intense even for those who are not in the midst of mourning. How is it possible to join in the spirit of these holidays? Your emotional reality is that you are sad, angry, possibly depressed, maybe anxious. Your social reality is that you’ve lost someone who is extremely important to you, possibly the key person in your interpersonal sphere, and basically, you would rather be alone, or maybe with just one person whom you trust. In terms […]

Death of a Child

Despite Spring Thaw, Bereaved Dad Feels the Cold

The wheel of time can spin sunshine into a frozen shroud, making the heart cold and weary and the eyes reluctant to look upon the day. As the spring begins to unfold, I can see how degraded the fabric of my life has become. It is unbelievably frayed; in fact, it is completely unraveled. I still have the yarns that attest to how amazing it used to be. Although they are just tiny fragments of a continuous strand, each vivid memory is a testament to life’s former grandeur, the grandeur that preceded my son’s death last summer. Today, I can barely […]

Death of a Child, Special Topics

Butterflies or Bull? Channeling Messages from the Dead

Sunday, April 25, 2010

A few days ago, I went to see a performance by “channeler” Roland Comtois, when he appeared locally before a group of about forty parents who’ve lost children. I like to “suss” things out, as my son’s former nanny, a lovely woman from Derry, Northern Ireland, used to say. I’ll admit up front that I’m very interested in this sort of thing, but highly skeptical.  My novels, including the two I wrote before I lost Michael, employ supernatural elements.  My heightened ambivalence in this case stemmed from factors over and above my usual skepticism about all things supernatural, spiritual and/or […]

Death of a Child, Death of a Spouse

For Some, There is Blessing Even in Tragedy

Saturday, April 24, 2010

How does someone pick up the pieces after losing a spouse and child in a tragic car accident that involved their whole family?  Sheri Boekweg-Nelson of Plain City, Utah, and her two kids survived this horrific nightmare November, 2000. Sheri described the pain, “I broke so many bones — the worst, my shattered left foot; I still feel pain today.  Mentally, it is indescribable, watching my children suffer has been the worst part; they were only seven and nine. It was hard to tell them we would have to go on without their dad, BJ, and sister, Brandi. I almost lost […]

Death of a Child

Nature Helps Calm Mother Who Misses Son

Friday, April 23, 2010

It  was the 4th anniversary of our son’s death, and I was having a difficult time.  My husband was working out of town, and this meant for the first time we would be apart on this date. I turned to the woods, a place I find myself often when I seek peace.  As I started the trail, I noticed a tree that was bent and twisted.  Despite the fact that the base of the trunk was nothing but a shell,  the tree continued to live and  strive to reach the sun. I felt a kinship with that tree.  At times, […]

Special Topics, Your Grief

Finding a Cause Helps Those Who are Grieving

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Losing a child will be the most difficult loss in your life, but you can and will get through it. One of the most productive ideas for your well-being after the death is choosing to find a cause, a reason to move on with your life. Parents may become active in different organizations. These include: Compassionate Friends, Bereaved Parents USA or Alive Alone for childless parents. Not only do they join these organizations to help themselves, but in time, they start helping others who are just beginning the journey. Others who want to become even more involved get on the boards and help […]

Death of a Child, Special Topics

Father Starts Web Project for Dads Who Have Lost a Child

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

After going through the loss of two of my children over an eighteen-month span, I came to the realization that there is a lack of support services and information available to fathers suffering the loss of a child.  I made a promise to myself that once I was strong enough, I would find a way to help other men going through the devastating loss of a child.  As a result of that promise, I have developed a project that is designed to reach out to all bereaved dads traveling this lonely and, what appears to be,  never-ending road known as […]

Death of a Parent, Special Topics

Poem: A Soul

Hiding amongst The shadows Of a broken heart Lives a soul Torn apart. Blistered and Burned by Death’s Blinding rays Fear of tomorrow Remain today. Peering through The crevasses of Hope and faith Reality slaps her Back into place. Rays of sunshine Happiness and Joy Once trusted And, vital Not anymore. Deborah Ann Tornillo Author, 36 Days Apart Copyright© 2010