Special Topics, Your Grief

Mourners Can Choose Happiness, a Gift to Themselves

Sunday, May 30, 2010

The death of a loved one changes you forever. You mourn, determine your grief work, do the work, and try to build a new life. At least, these are the things I had to do after four loved ones died in 2007. Though I miss my father-in-law, brother, and former son-in-law, my daughter’s death affected me the most. The pain has been unbearable. Coming to terms with multiple losses is a journey in itself. Reconciliation is hard-won and I had many times when recovery seemed elusive — a moving target I could not reach no matter how fast I ran. […]

Special Topics, Your Grief

What it Means to Grieve a Loss

Friday, May 28, 2010

When you open yourself up to love, you open yourself up to loss.  When you suffer a loss, you will experience the painful emotion we call grief.  It’s a natural response to loss, yet to the person going through this emotion, the experience feels overwhelming.  I would like to help you understand that going through it means it is a process, not an event and, depending on the personal connection you have to person who has died, it is very individual. And yet, the grieving process itself is universal: we feel sad when we experience loss. Because we will all […]

Death of a Child, Special Topics, Your Grief

How Grief Affects Your Body

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Changes in our lives can cause us to be stressed. Sometimes the changes are good ones, such as a job promotion or the birth of a child. Sometimes the opposite is true. You may be laid off because the company you work for is downsizing. Instead of the joyful experience of your child’s birth, you have experienced the death of your child. When the death of my son occurred, every facet of my life was changed from the tip of my head down to my toes. Cognitively or the way my brain thought about things was altered to the point […]

Open to Hope

Deep Breathing for the Grieving

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

One of the most difficult side effects for those grieving the loss of a loved one is stress. Many of us already live stressful lives under normal circumstances. Add the element of losing a dear one, and in some cases, the bread winner, and our health can suffer more than we realize. In moments when we experience stress, breathing becomes quick, short and erratic. The result is not enough oxygen reaching the different organs of the body. People can become light headed.  They can hyperventilate, faint or become sick. Consequently, the body stops running as smoothly as it was designed. […]

Death of a Child

Whispered Words

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

It has been nearly 25 years since my son Brian was killed by a drunk driver.  He was 19 years old. We miss him terribly.  Life has never been the same without him. When I use the word “same,” it conjures memories of my children playing in the back yard, watching Sesame Street, doing homework, off to school and church and celebrating their accomplishments, both big and small.  It was a time where innocence and everyday challenges intermingled with hope. We had our dreams and plans for a bright and happy future. Brian’s tragedy was a significant life-changing event for […]

Death of a Child, Special Topics, Your Grief

Mother’s Day, Before and After

Sunday, May 23, 2010

While sorting through boxes and bags, it is not unusual for me to find something unexpected. It happened just the other day. Shifting through a box, I came across a wrinkled, somewhat yellowed piece of lined school paper. I carefully unfolded it only to find a drawing of a stick-mom and stick-daughter standing along side a mammoth daisy. The mom and little girl were holding hands with huge lopsided grins on their faces. In her little girl just-learning-to-print handwriting were the words, “Happy Mother’s Day, Mommy. I love you, Kristina.” Even six years after Kristina’s death, little gifts such as […]

Children & Teens, Death of a Child, Special Topics

Mourners Surrounded by Sacred Moments

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Ever since my daughter died from the injuries she received in a car crash in 2007, I’ve become more aware of the sacred moments in my life.  Before she died I thought I was aware of these moments, but this turned out to be untrue.  I was sort of aware of them. Other family members also died that year, my father-in-law, brother, and former son-in-law.  His death made my twin grandchildren orphans, and my husband and I became their court appointed guardians.  I’ve had many sacred moments after my grandchildren moved in with us when they were 15 years old. […]

Special Topics

Memories: A Call to Reconnect

Friday, May 21, 2010

Did you ever have a memory that rode into your consciousness on the back of a passing odor, object, or random word? It might have been something you desperately tried to forget, but it was able to seep through the protective wall you created as if it was made of cheesecloth. I knew I would have one of those experiences at the rededication of the Zen Hospice Project’s Guest House in San Francisco, the site seven years ago of my initial hospice training and service as a bedside volunteer. I entered the beautiful refurbished Victorian and roamed through the rooms […]

Death of a Parent

Dating Again Brings Up Feelings of Love and Loss

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Recently, I started dating. This major event in my life has brought up questions about my mother and father. What would they think of this man? Would my father be protective? Would my mother tell me stories of her dating experience? All of these questions bring pain and despair.  I am encompassed by the reality that they are gone.  When I feel this way, I bring out pictures and videos.  I sit watching and listening, trying to make them as real as possible. But what happens when you dig too deep?  When you try too hard to make them real […]