Comments for Open to Hope Foundation http://opentohope.com Thu, 18 Mar 2010 17:16:52 -0800 hourly 1 Comment on Gaining Control of Your Finances After Spouse-Loss by Sanjay Maharaj http://opentohope.com/dealing-with-loss/death-of-a-spouse/gaining-control-of-your-finances-safety-after-spouse-loss/comment-page-1/#comment-1947 Sanjay Maharaj Thu, 18 Mar 2010 17:16:52 +0000 http://opentohope.com/?p=8304#comment-1947 Great to see you take charge and offering encouragement to others who face a similar situation Great to see you take charge and offering encouragement to others who face a similar situation

]]> Comment on Should We Grieve? by Shirley D. http://opentohope.com/dealing-with-grief/grief-and-faith/should-we-grieve/comment-page-1/#comment-1946 Shirley D. Thu, 18 Mar 2010 15:02:32 +0000 http://opentohope.com/?p=8263#comment-1946 Dear Mr. Einhart I read your article, a few times in fact and honestly, I must say I think you are saying all grief is the same. I am sorry for the loss of your Mother. I'm happy for you that you could resume your life and function within a short time period. There are those of us that don't quite handle it the same way? Have you ever received a phone call telling you that your 58 yr old, loving, kind hearted, wonderful sister died? Have you ever received a second phone call a few hours later telling you her death was ruled a homicide? Have you ever been interviewed by detectives? Have you ever had to run out the day of the visitation to find a scarf to match her buriel outfit because the autopsy scar was showing? Have you ever had to view a body where you saw stitches on the hands, knowing they were defense wounds, that your sister fought hard for her life? Have you ever had to clean out a house that was a crime scene? Have you ever read a homicide autopsy report? Have you ever had the six month anniversary of her death, which happens to be today, come and still no arrests for this horrific crime? If you answered yes to those questions, then you have walked in my shoes. If you answered no, then I'm offended that you would think all people and all grief is the same. Sincerely Shirley Dear Mr. Einhart
I read your article, a few times in fact and honestly, I must say I think you are saying all grief is the same. I am sorry for the loss of your Mother. I’m happy for you that you could resume your life and function within a short time period.
There are those of us that don’t quite handle it the same way? Have you ever received a phone call telling you that your 58 yr old, loving, kind hearted, wonderful sister died? Have you ever received a second phone call a few hours later telling you her death was ruled a homicide? Have you ever been interviewed by detectives? Have you ever had to run out the day of the visitation to find a scarf to match her buriel outfit because the autopsy scar was showing? Have you ever had to view a body where you saw stitches on the hands, knowing they were defense wounds, that your sister fought hard for her life? Have you ever had to clean out a house that was a crime scene? Have you ever read a homicide autopsy report? Have you ever had the six month anniversary of her death, which happens to be today, come and still no arrests for this horrific crime? If you answered yes to those questions, then you have walked in my shoes. If you answered no, then I’m offended that you would think all people and all grief is the same.
Sincerely
Shirley

]]> Comment on After Mom’s Death, Daughter Struggles With Dad’s Girlfriend by Carol http://opentohope.com/dealing-with-grief/grief-and-families/after-moms-death-daughter-struggles-with-dads-girlfriend/comment-page-1/#comment-1944 Carol Tue, 16 Mar 2010 23:06:23 +0000 http://test.opentohope.com/?p=1092#comment-1944 Hi, Julie. (My sister's name is Julie, too.) I feel your pain. I don't know why this hurts us so much. I think part of it, for me, is that I feel like if I accept my dad having a new woman in his life, I am being disloyal to my mom. I, too, was very close to my mom. As a woman and a wife and mom myself, I feel very sad when I think how quickly my dad replaced my mom and professed his undying love for this new woman so quickly. If my husband were to do the same, the thought of it makes me very sad. I wouldn't want my husband to be alone the rest of his life, but I would want for him to have the time it takes to grieve properly and to give our kids the time they need. I feel like you. My dad does things with his new woman that he never would take the time to do with my mom. She would have loved the attention he is giving to his girlfriend. Perhaps our dads feel guilty somewhat for things that were left undone with their deceased wives and this is their second chance to do it right. My dad, who is almost 74, is also just realizing that he is aging and I think he is grabbing for something to make him feel young and vital again, and this new exciting relationship is doing it for him although it has broken his daughters' hearts. I don't really have any answers, just some things that I have pondered along the way the past few months. Hope all works out for you and that you find some peace. Hi, Julie. (My sister’s name is Julie, too.) I feel your pain.

I don’t know why this hurts us so much. I think part of it, for me, is that I feel like if I accept my dad having a new woman in his life, I am being disloyal to my mom. I, too, was very close to my mom.

As a woman and a wife and mom myself, I feel very sad when I think how quickly my dad replaced my mom and professed his undying love for this new woman so quickly. If my husband were to do the same, the thought of it makes me very sad. I wouldn’t want my husband to be alone the rest of his life, but I would want for him to have the time it takes to grieve properly and to give our kids the time they need.

I feel like you. My dad does things with his new woman that he never would take the time to do with my mom. She would have loved the attention he is giving to his girlfriend. Perhaps our dads feel guilty somewhat for things that were left undone with their deceased wives and this is their second chance to do it right.

My dad, who is almost 74, is also just realizing that he is aging and I think he is grabbing for something to make him feel young and vital again, and this new exciting relationship is doing it for him although it has broken his daughters’ hearts.

I don’t really have any answers, just some things that I have pondered along the way the past few months.

Hope all works out for you and that you find some peace.

]]> Comment on Early Sibling Loss Captured in a Poem by George http://opentohope.com/dealing-with-loss/death-of-a-sibling/early-sibling-loss-captured-in-a-poem/comment-page-1/#comment-1943 George Tue, 16 Mar 2010 16:54:44 +0000 http://opentohope.com/?p=5542#comment-1943 Thank you for submitting this vivid poem. It reminds me of my own experience of losing my older brother when I was two and a half - also to leukemia. Memories of memories and memories of old photographs, but no real direct memories because I was too young. Nothing to get a true grasp on. But it left a mark on me until this day as I continue try and complete the grieving process - not only for him, but for the loss that my parents and sister experienced. Every time I can go inside and access the feelings and bring them into the light of day it's a step in the right direction. This has helped - thank you, George Thank you for submitting this vivid poem. It reminds me of my own experience of losing my older brother when I was two and a half – also to leukemia. Memories of memories and memories of old photographs, but no real direct memories because I was too young. Nothing to get a true grasp on. But it left a mark on me until this day as I continue try and complete the grieving process – not only for him, but for the loss that my parents and sister experienced. Every time I can go inside and access the feelings and bring them into the light of day it’s a step in the right direction. This has helped – thank you,
George

]]> Comment on My Daughter Was My Hero by Mary Jane Hurley Brant http://opentohope.com/dealing-with-loss/death-of-a-child/my-daughter-was-my-hero/comment-page-1/#comment-1942 Mary Jane Hurley Brant Tue, 16 Mar 2010 00:48:39 +0000 http://opentohope.com/?p=8292#comment-1942 Dear Dave and Sanjay, Thank you for commenting. I really appreciate your kindness. Katie lived large when she lived in this world and continues to do so. She was enormous fun alongside of her courage. She loved St. Patrick's Day which is upon us soon. We traveled to Ireland after Katie's stem cell treatment. I wanted to take a bus but she said with a wink, "Oh no, Mom, we're renting a car and you better behave." Well, we rented a car anyway but nobody behaves when they visit Ireland! It's not the same for me, the mother, but I accept the bigger picture that we all must keep our eyes on if we wish to continue doing something of value in our short time here. I wish to do that and so I spread Katie's message of valor to all of the amazing people here at Open to Hope. We need it. We need one another. We need to make Every Day Matter. Dear Dave and Sanjay,

Thank you for commenting. I really appreciate your kindness. Katie lived large when she lived in this world and continues to do so. She was enormous fun alongside of her courage. She loved St. Patrick’s Day which is upon us soon. We traveled to Ireland after Katie’s stem cell treatment. I wanted to take a bus but she said with a wink, “Oh no, Mom, we’re renting a car and you better behave.” Well, we rented a car anyway but nobody behaves when they visit Ireland!

It’s not the same for me, the mother, but I accept the bigger picture that we all must keep our eyes on if we wish to continue doing something of value in our short time here. I wish to do that and so I spread Katie’s message of valor to all of the amazing people here at Open to Hope. We need it. We need one another. We need to make Every Day Matter.

]]> Comment on ‘Adult Orphans’ Need Not Lose Connection With Parents by Joseph Bigras http://opentohope.com/dealing-with-grief/grief-and-families/adult-orphans-need-not-lose-connection-with-parents/comment-page-1/#comment-1941 Joseph Bigras Mon, 15 Mar 2010 23:58:01 +0000 http://test.opentohope.com/?p=1173#comment-1941 I thank you Sir Yea its not easy you know I dont even know what a hug feels like anymore sometimes I wonder why was I ever born I was a mistake nothing else but I cant help to feel sorry for the man call my father but hes gone nothing can change that The orphanage that took care of me loved me very much I was the nuns favorite kid what really hurt me though is on sundays it would be visiting day the nuns would take my hand and we would go play on the playground until the visiting hours was done because nobody ever visited me you know im 53 im still holding a grudge against the world im always bitter I never smile its like im all alone in this world its like a friend or a love one is mad at you and they wont speak to you for a month or so I feel like i was punished I still do anyways Gavin I thank you very much for taking time to talk to me I appreciate that you take care of yourself be happy be safe Sincerely Joseph Bigras write me sometimes just to say hi whatever if not no worries i will understand take care My e-mail vanco@nb.sympatico.ca I thank you Sir
Yea its not easy you know I dont even know what a hug feels like
anymore sometimes I wonder why was I ever born I was a mistake
nothing else but I cant help to feel sorry for the man call my father but hes gone nothing can change that The orphanage that took care of me loved me very much I was the nuns favorite kid
what really hurt me though is on sundays it would be visiting day
the nuns would take my hand and we would go play on the playground
until the visiting hours was done because nobody ever visited me
you know im 53 im still holding a grudge against the world
im always bitter I never smile its like im all alone in this world
its like a friend or a love one is mad at you and they wont speak
to you for a month or so I feel like i was punished I still do anyways Gavin I thank you very much for taking time to talk to me I appreciate that you take care of yourself be happy be safe
Sincerely Joseph Bigras

write me sometimes just to say hi whatever if not no worries i will understand take care
My e-mail vanco@nb.sympatico.ca

]]> Comment on Crying With My Ancestors by Alice J. Wisler http://opentohope.com/dealing-with-loss/death-of-a-child/crying-with-my-ancestors/comment-page-1/#comment-1940 Alice J. Wisler Mon, 15 Mar 2010 21:02:59 +0000 http://opentohope.com/?p=8289#comment-1940 Thanks, Mary Jane! The telling of our stories do help us heal. ~ Alice Thanks, Mary Jane! The telling of our stories do help us heal.

~ Alice

]]> Comment on Do We Ever ‘Get Over’ the Death of a Child? by Caroline http://opentohope.com/dealing-with-loss/death-of-a-child/do-we-ever-get-over-the-death-of-a-child/comment-page-1/#comment-1939 Caroline Mon, 15 Mar 2010 17:53:23 +0000 http://test.opentohope.com/?p=1263#comment-1939 Yes Ann, our sons died once, that is what I'm doing reliving that horrible night.....I must remember ONCE...God bless you..Caroline Yes Ann, our sons died once, that is what I’m doing reliving that horrible night…..I must remember ONCE…God bless you..Caroline

]]> Comment on Do We Ever ‘Get Over’ the Death of a Child? by Caroline http://opentohope.com/dealing-with-loss/death-of-a-child/do-we-ever-get-over-the-death-of-a-child/comment-page-1/#comment-1938 Caroline Mon, 15 Mar 2010 17:49:54 +0000 http://test.opentohope.com/?p=1263#comment-1938 Dear Pearl, My heart is broken also, I lost my 36yr son. I think about him everyday of my life and I still cry. We were buddies, he knew that I loved him unconditionally, and I know that he loved me.It's been 3yrs but the pain is still there. I will not be happy until we meet again in heaven. I hope you are well and coping better. I understand all that you feel.....with love Caroline Dear Pearl,
My heart is broken also, I lost my 36yr son. I think about him everyday of my life and I still cry. We were buddies, he knew that I loved him unconditionally, and I know that he loved me.It’s been 3yrs but the pain is still there. I will not be happy until we meet again in heaven. I hope you are well and coping better. I understand all that you feel…..with love Caroline

]]> Comment on My Daughter Was My Hero by Sanjay Maharaj http://opentohope.com/dealing-with-loss/death-of-a-child/my-daughter-was-my-hero/comment-page-1/#comment-1936 Sanjay Maharaj Mon, 15 Mar 2010 12:59:34 +0000 http://opentohope.com/?p=8292#comment-1936 I can imagine how proud you must be of Katie and so should you. I cannot help but admire her great courage in the face of the odds stacked agaisnt her. Her determination and the spirit to give back by starting a foundation speaks volumes of her. If only we all could learn to turn such adversities into an opporutnity by not only learning to live with it but trying to do something about it and making a huge difference in that process. She is not only your hero but a hero to all of us. Her story and her actions are really inspiring, she has inspired me. I can imagine how proud you must be of Katie and so should you. I cannot help but admire her great courage in the face of the odds stacked agaisnt her. Her determination and the spirit to give back by starting a foundation speaks volumes of her.
If only we all could learn to turn such adversities into an opporutnity by not only learning to live with it but trying to do something about it and making a huge difference in that process.
She is not only your hero but a hero to all of us. Her story and her actions are really inspiring, she has inspired me.

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