New Year’s Struggles With Grief
Submitted by Barb Roberts on February 8, 2010 – 1:10 amBarb Roberts has been in the ministry of Pastoral Care for over 24 years. During all of those years, she has been privileged to help those who grieve, having experienced grief and loss in her own lif... more
3 CommentsWe all are programmed to look forward to each New Year. How many times have you heard, late in the previous year, “I just want this year to be over with.” “I look forward to next year when things will begin anew, things will be better. ”
The implication is that the mere change of the calendar 2010 carries with it the assurance that whatever it was in the previous year that was painful WILL be different…WILL be better…problems WILL be solved. For those of us who have carried that expectation and been disappointed, let me call to your attention a different way of thinking.
Let me say here that living a life filled with hope and expectation is life-giving. New beginnings ARE possible. Just because last year was very difficult does not necessarily mean that this year will be equally difficult.
But a true framework of hope involves living a life of integrity, honesty, truth. Remember, GRIEF TAKES AS LONG AS IT TAKES, whether that grief begins in the middle of the previous year or during the holidays just preceding the New Year. The length of the grieving process often depends upon the willingness of family members and friends to give each other permission to grieve and to accept that there is no shortcut to working through the process of grief.
So looking at the balance of hope and truth, recognize that in this New Year there will be pain, there will be joy, there will be highs and lows – and we CAN live with HOPE, the hope that God has promised that He will never leave us nor forsake us.
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Yes indeed, Barb Roberts, grief does take as long as it takes. I was in graduate school before I talked about my father’s death, twenty years after the fact because the words were buried so deep within me. My Katie’s death was different, of course, it is a constant companion. I accept that; I don’t fight that anymore.
Thank you for your thoughts and your ministry to help the grieving world in this New Year and all of the years to come. Let us all do one thing that makes us happy this year every single day. Those who have gone before us would have it no other way.
Mary Jane
Awesome message! Short and sweet, and yes, God will never leave us nor fosake us!! A promise we can count on! Amen!
Thank you, Barb!
Just today I said good-bye to a co-worker who is grieving her dear husband’s recent death. Your,” . . . give each other permission to grieve and to accept that there is no shortcut to working through the process of grief . . . ” is path for me to follow as I write to her. Thank you for that line – it was a beacon for me. Dorothy