By Luellen Hoffman

Love is good, love is great, love is light. But when you love someone and the person dies, suddenly your whole world changes and you find yourself struggling to see any light at all.? If the person you loved was very close to you, then the tunnel gets, deeper and harder to escape.? It feels like falling inside a deep well.? Your whole world is turned upside down, because what use to be is no longer, and what you see around you as life going on, doesn’t include you because you’re trapped inside life.? Yes life continues, taking you with it, but nothing is the same, everything you knew is different.?

Darkness is the void in life because the person you loved is gone.? There is no way around it, when you are grieving you are deep inside, “The Black Hole of Love”.? Why a black hole?? Because your life is enveloped in darkness and the darkness is all around you, it is the absence of light, or what life is without love.? When love is taken away, you feel such sadness, horrible pain and once you are touched by death you are never again the same.

They say love never dies, so when a person dies, it doesn’t mean you stop loving them, it just means you cannot have them in your life now.? What was before is now gone, leaving you with precious memories.? Your life goes on but for the different and you have to learn to stop reaching for their light and learn how to live without them. The sad truth is your time together is over.? The reflection of seeing yourself in their eyes is now gone.

People usually don’t know anything about this black hole of love, until they fall in love and then break up.? Usually there are sad songs to sing and wounds to heal, mixed emotions and remorse over losing someone special. But even with this awful pain it is just a tad of what the heart feels after experiencing the death of a loved one.? Because with break-ups there is still hope, hope of seeing each other again or hope of finding a new love.? With death there is a finality of realizing the love you had has reached a permanent end.? Most people are naturally unprepared for this.?

There really are no guidelines to bereavement because everyone grieves differently.? There are no directions on how to get out of the black hole of love or how to get on with your life, but there are people who can help.? In the end it all comes down to you.? You have to push yourself forward.? While there is no cheating grief, time does heal the pain and you will reach a day without tears.?

Eventually in time you find your way through the tunnel, and with the help of faith, family and friends, you will slowly step back into the world which is a good place to be.? Why?? Because the love you lost is not left behind, but has been fast forwarded to where we are all eventually going.? The more you move ahead in life the sooner you will be with them again.

How do you avoid “The Black Hole of Love”?? Easy, just don’t love anybody.? If you never let yourself fall in love, and if you never give love or receive love, then you will never risk the pain associated with death when they are gone.? If people knew more about this, “The Black Hole of Love,” then I am sure they would never risk falling in love in the first place.? Life without love is a much safer place to be.?

But people do fall in love, because we were born to love.? They love their parents, grandparents, their brothers and sisters and friends.? They love their spouse, children and families, they love a great deal and as St. Augustine once wrote, “It’s better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved at all.”

So if you find yourself struggling inside “The black hole of love”, you got there not because you lost someone, but because you were lucky enough to have loved someone and love is good, love is great, love is light.? Remember too that this same great love, this great light that got you in there in the first place will also help get you out.

Luellen Hoffman is an adjunct professor at George Mason University in Fairfax, Virginia and has a successful career in the Washington, DC area. She has won top awards and recognitions from, VNU/Nielsen Business Media for her outstanding people and communication skills.

Hoffman is a feature writer of a children?s column with a Chicago based magazine for over fifteen years. She also created an equestrian scholarship at Dartmouth College in 2002. Her husband Michael died unexpectedly in 1994 which led her to write this book and share her experience of a Special Dream in hope of reaching out to others who may be have had this same unique experience. She has two sons, enjoys art, music and sports.

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