I went back to work a couple of weeks after Lance?s death.

I was very fortunate to have a caring and compassionate work environment. My partners and associates covered for me while I was off. When I returned they asked me how Kathy was doing. They spoke Lance?s name. They asked how his brothers, Bryan and Sean, were holding up. They talked about the accident. They offered any assistance my family needed.

I was back to work for a couple of months when one of my partners came into my office, closed the door and said, ?We are very sad that Lance was killed and we expect that it is devastating for your family. However, we did not cause his death. You are very angry and you are taking that anger out on all of us. We would like for it to stop.?

Needless to say I was flabbergasted. Sure I knew I was angry. I was angry at the truck driver. I was angry with the county solicitor who was dragging his feet on filing charges. I was angry with myself because I had bought the boys a dirt bike when they were little and bought Lance his first street bike at age 16. I was even angry with Lance. If he had been going a little slower or a little faster the accident would not have happened.

But I thought I was keeping all that anger under control at work. That evening I thought about what my partner had said and realized he was right. I was angry and I was angry with them and I knew exactly the reason why.

So at the Friday staff meeting I apologized for my anger and told them why I was angry with them. In all their caring and compassion, they never once asked me how I was doing or how I was feeling. It was emotional. Not anger just tears.

Then I really surprised myself. I told them exactly what I needed from them. Now you may not find this unusual but up to that point throughout my entire adult life, I was the one who people went to when they needed help. I was the cool head under fire, the fixer, the problem solver.

It?s bad enough that I?m going to these support group meetings and sharing my thoughts and feelings with strangers. But here I am telling my partners and associates my innermost feelings and then asking for their help. Surely this is the apocalypse.

Well as I discovered, the world did not end. In fact things improved significantly at work.

Reflecting back I?ve come to realize that asking for help is not a sign of weakness which is a huge revelation for some of us. Secondly well-intentioned, good people want to help and simply don?t know how.

Again I think it is our love of our children that helps us help them learn how best to help us.

To be continued

?

Popularity: 6% [?]

Related posts

• Reflections of a Bereaved Dad ? Part 2 By Patrick Malone CSE (0)
• Grief and the Global Economic Challenge (0)
• Reflections of a Bereaved Dad ? Part 1 by Patrick Malone CSE (0)
• When Grief Goes to Work – Tony Sims (0)
• The Compassionate Friends: Three Decades of Sharing and Caring: Patricia Loder (0)