Question from Julie: I recently began dating a widower who told me his wife died a year ago. I’ve just learned she actually died 4 months ago. I like this man very much and we enjoy each other’s company. I don’t know details of how long she was ill, but he did say some of his kids (adults now) don’t approve of his dating. Should I stop dating this recent widower for not telling the truth or simply because it’s too soon, or both?

Mie Elmhirst responds: Hi Julie: As you say, there are at least two issues here. One issue is that he lied. I am always suspect when someone does not tell the truth from the start. How comfortable are you knowing that he is not able to tell the truth about something so very important? What is your own value internal system saying about honesty? The fact that you are concerned enough to write tells me that you have little alarms ringing in your gut. Intuition is never wrong.

The other issue here is that he is brand new widower. Four months is very early, and yet you will find many widowers dating early. I have a male client, a widower, who married one year after his wife died. He loved his wife very much, and he loves his new wife very much. But grief is not chased away by new love, and he is still grieving deeply within his new marriage.

So, Julie, I suggest that you pay attention to your gut. Your intuition lies somewhere in your belly and that is what will guide you. Again, your intuition is never wrong.

Warmly, Mie Elmhirst

Mie Elmhirst PCC CPCC MBA is internationally known as an executive and personal coach. She is principal and founder of Widowsbreathe Coaching, a coaching practice founded to support those who have lost their partners in reconnecting with their spirit, their sense of anticipation and aliveness, and Elmhirst & Associates Coaching, a Personal and Corporate Coaching practice. Mie, who is a widow, received her training at the Coaches Training Institute, has Advanced Relationship Coaching Training and is a member of the International Coaches Federation. She received her undergraduate BS at Russell Sage College and her MBA at Boston University?s Graduate School of Management. To learn more about Mei and her work, visit her website: www.widowsbreathe.com

Popularity: 19% [?]