The holidays are here.  Normally, they are a time for family fun and celebration but when someone you loved has died, the season may be painful and lonely.

When grieving ,we can feel completely overwhelmed with sadness.  We miss the loved person and we long for them.  “How can I make it through these days?” we ask.   “How will I survive?”  Here are some ways that have helped me to survive my many losses, particularly the death of my daughter, Katie.  Maybe they can help you, too.

Your Body ~ Rest; you have experienced monumental loss.  You are exhausted.  Go to bed an hour earlier and nap frequently.  Linger in the bathtub instead of taking a quick shower.  Eat nourishing foods.  Manage your sugar, caffeine, and alcohol intake; they affect mood.  Drink water and green tea for energy restoration.  Get a massage to remove toxins lodged deep within your muscles. Give and get as many hugs as you can; they do help console us. Walk briskly 20 minutes every day to elevate endorphins.

Your Mind ~ Begin a new tradition; the old ones could make you even sadder. If you ritually prepared an elaborate sit-down meal, take a break this year and go to someone else’s home.  If you don’t have small children to attend to, simplify the decorations – an aromatic wreath on your front door, a manger, a menorah, a simple candle or lamb figurine on the table surrounded by a little holly is more than enough. 

Your Spirit ~ Offer it compassion; you did a good job loving the departed person and trust the heavens that they are now safe and free. Be around those people whom you love and who love you; their presence will soothe your weary soul.  If you have a faith community, join them for support.  If not, consider finding one and go there to pray for peace, for faith, for grace, and for strength.  Some of us who grieve find comfort praying at the grave site or reading a personal letter we composed or just speaking to them.  Tears may come but let them; they open up the gates for laughter and hope. 

In our family, when our three precious grandchildren stay overnight, we make pancakes in the very early morning hours and talk about their Aunt Katie.  It’s a tender space for all of us when that veil between heaven and earth is thin. For me, it feels as though my daughter Katie is right there in our midst.  I treasure this sacred time on a hundred levels.

Remember that your loved one’s spirit never dies.  If we can wrap our minds around that concept, a quiet shift will enter our souls and we will remember that the Creator of a million lifetimes will guide us in our next step.  We will remember that our loved one is always with us as we are with them.  And yes, we will remember and acknowledge that our life is not the same without them and we know that we will miss them forever and that no one can replace them. 

But we are grateful, so very grateful for having had the great blessing of them in our lives.  Forever.

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