Jackie writes in: I just lost my husband of 25 years to liver cancer, October 2008, lived for 6 months after he was diagnosed. I cry day and night because I miss him so much. He was my world and I don’t think I can cope with his death!!! We were the best of friends and we never went any where without each other, we were inseparable. We have a 17-year-old son, who I have to sleep with every night in order to be able to close my eyes at night. He is also so devastated. I’d give anything to be able to hold my husband, hear his amazing voice, and kiss him once more…it hurts soooo bad!!!!!! ?

Drs. Heidi Horsley and Gloria Horsley respond: We are so sorry to hear of the death of your husband.?Right now it feels like you can’t cope because you were so close for those 25 years. We encourage you to be gentle with yourself while the pain is so new and so great. Give yourself time to grieve and do what you need to do for comfort as you begin to heal. Know that others have made it before you and you can too.

Don’t try to go it alone.? You have reached out to us and now we hope that you will help yourself and your son by finding additional support in your community.? We suggest that you reach out to friends, family, religious community, and possibly professional counseling for support. Try contacting your local hospital or hospice to find a support group.? We also suggest that you go to our blog for those who have lost a spouse, http://opentohopedeathofaspouse.com/ and consider blogging about your experiences. Writing is a wonderful outlet that helps not only you but at the same times gives encouragement and hope to others.

Your son may also need help and counseling to deal with the loss of his dad. While it is not unusual for a family to sleep in the same room after the sudden death of a family member, we feel that your grief and need may be putting?undue stress on your son.?It is important to remember that teens need their space and they often feel like they have to remain strong for their grieving parent and take care of them.?

Teens can feel responsible for parents and feel like they need to be with them to fill the void left by the deceased parent. It’s important that we as parents gently encourage our teens to go through the normal developmental stage of separation and individuation – spending time with friends and sleeping by themselves.? Reassuring teens that you (the parent) will be?OK even though you are grieving right now often is a relief to teens who are carrying the burden of thinking they have to comfort bereaved parents. You and your son may both find help in reading our book, Teen Grief Relief.

You may also find help and comfort in listening to some of our archived Healing the Grieving Heart radio shows. You can find them by going to The Grief Blog and clicking on the Radio Show Archives tab or going to http://thegriefblog.com/grief-grieving-death-of-a-child/. We specifically recommend the following shows:

June 26, 2008
Meanings of Life, Death, Loss, and Grieving
Guests: Thomas Attig, PhD and Nancy Cincotta ? April 17, 2008
Healing After the Death of a Husband
Guest: Tammy Stoner

December 20, 2007
Getting Through the Holidays Without Your Spouse
Linda Della Donna

December 7, 2007
How to Help Your Teens Grieve in a Healthy Way
Drs. Heidi and Gloria are guests on
The Parents Hour with Dr. Arline Kerman

We are posting your letter and our response on the Open to Hope website because we believe it will be a help to many of our readers. We encourage you to check back for comments which may be left by our loving and compassionate visitors. We wish you well as you walk this very difficult path we call grief.

Drs. Heidi Horsley and Gloria Horsley are?founders of the Open to Hope Foundation.?

Popularity: 15% [?]