Chantal writes in: I lost my eldest son on 1st April 2009!! He was knocked by a taxi on his way home after soccer during school break! He did nothing wrong, he was only 15 years old, he did not live! Yes, Iam angry!! Everyday, Iwrite!?I try & pray!?I want answers. Why didn?t God save him?! Why didn?t God protect him, as I prayed for my boy’s safety every single day?? Was it to teach me a ?lesson?, and if so, why not take me? I listen to people everyday, ?The pain will get easier.? What does that mean? Never did I?imagine watering the grave OF MY SON? I can think of nothing else! I cant sleep! Eat! Every Wednesday, my eyes are glued to my watch,?because 56 days ago, Wednesday, this time, he was alive! Yes my Wednesdays? The day my life was filled with PAIN to last me forever!! THE TIME 16H20 WEDNESDAY 1st APRIL? I don?t know what to do anymore!

Gloria Horsley, founder of the Open to Hope Foundation, responds: Dear Chantal: Our hearts go out to you because we know what it is to lose a young son. My son was 17 when he died in a fiery car crash. There is no pain that can compare with it. It has been, as you say, 56 days and that is such a very short time after the death of someone so precious to you. ?Be very gentle with yourself right now and be as gentle as you can with those around you because while the pain is so raw, it?s very hard to go forward and you need each other. You need to feel what you feel and find ways to express it ? cry, yell if you need to, beat the pillow, throw rocks, find someone to talk with who will listen, etc. Do what you need to do to take care of you.

You, like all of us, ask questions that have no answers, trying to make some sense of it and find someone to blame. We somehow think that getting answers and placing blame will make it better ? we hope it will make it better. It seems right now like there is no way to make sense of the pan and fill the hole left by his death. It is important that you know that many before you have made it through this and you can too.

We recommend that, when you are ready, you find a group of The Compassionate Friends, if there is one in your area. You can find them at http://www.compassionaatefriends.org. This is a group of parents, grandparents and siblings who are grieving a loss such as yours and know how to give you the comfort and support so badly needed. If there is no group near you we suggest you find a grief group through your local hospice, hospital or church. We have found that the load of grief seems lighter if you don?t have to carry it alone.

You might find help and comfort in listening to some of our archived radio shows. We recommend in particular:

March 12, 2009
Healing from Within
1st Guest: Tracy Swanson
2nd Guest: Susan Toro

http://www.voiceamericapd.com/health/010157/horsley031209.mp3

September 25, 2008
Healing the Soul
Guest: Judy Wolf
and
Living With the Death of a Child
Suzanne Redfern and Susan Gilbert
http://www.voiceamericapd.com/health/010157/horsley092508.mp3

October 18, 2007
Arriving at the Scene: A Son Dies in an Auto Crash
Guest: Khris Ford
http://www.voiceamericapd.com/health/010157/horsley101807.mp3

I also recommend you go to http://www.youtube/opentohope and see what speaks to you there. There is a series of videos by Tom Zuba, Hope After Child Loss.? Give yourself the gift of watching them all. He addresses most of your questions. To see them click http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CR_4D9b_h8Q&feature=PlayList&p=9C6F93230D7B5E3C&index=0&playnext=1

We will post your letter and our response on Open to Hope website so others who are asking the same questions may be helped. We encourage you to check back now and then to read any comments that may be left for you.

Know that there is a time when, even though the pain remains, the suffering stops. We wish you hope and healing.

Sincerely,

Dr. Gloria Horsley

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