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On this show Dr. Gloria Horsley and Dr. Heidi Horsley discuss with William and Beverly Feigelman authors of “Devastating Losses” the death of their son and the risks of substance abuse. Vanessa McGannon then talks about her work with The American Society of Suicidology. Singer, songwriter Larry Stevens closes the show.
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On This show Dr. Gloria Horsley and Dr. Heidi Horsley explore the topic of finding meaning after loss. They interview two inspirational women who rather than be broken by their experience have used their tragic losses to make meaning and to help others. The first guest is Ann Khadalia Social Worker and national board member of The Compassionate Friends and the second guest is Susan Whitmore founder and president of griefHaven. The show closes with I Will Friend You, sung by singer-songwriter Michael Davis.
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Grief Relief Television brought to you by the Open to Hope Foundation. On This show grief experts Mitch Carmody, Tanya Lord, and Glen Lord discuss the deaths of their children and how they have coped. They give tips to the bereaved on coping with loss. Grief experts Alan Pedersen and Mitch Carmody close the show with Mitch using sign language to sign to Alan’s song “.
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As the holidays loom, instead of the common anticipation and excitement, individuals who are grieving often feel a sense of dread. Common sentiments are, “How will I be able to cope with the memories and the heartbreak?” or “There is so much pressure to be cheerful and festive, but I’m not in the mood. I feel like I need to fake it.” The idea of facing the holidays without someone you love is painful and magnifies the sense of loss. Holidays are filled with traditions that may not seem the same anymore. It is helpful to plan ahead and create […]
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If you’re interested in self-development, you’ve probably heard the term “mindfulness.” Over the last decade, mindfulness meditation, sometimes called mindfulness-based therapy, has been researched as an aid to anxiety, stress, depression, chronic pain, and other human conditions. Once largely confined to the realm of therapists’ offices or yoga studios, mindfulness has begun to show up in popular culture, with articles appearing in O magazine, TIME, and Prevention magazines (among others). The United States government has begun to use mindfulness-based programs to help returning vets deal with post-traumatic stress disorder and readjustment to civilian life. It’s become somewhat of a buzz-word […]
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The first big celebration without my son, Christopher, was his 23rd birthday. He was killed March 21st (1996) and born in May 15th (1974)–I still get the dates mixed up because they are both so significant to me (both months starting with M doesn’t help). We were all so unsure what to do to celebrate his birthday without him present. In the end, we did what we always had done when he was with us–a large group of us went to his favorite restaurant, Benihana. We made sure we had enough people to have our own table and chef. We […]
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“How are you?” It is such a seemingly simple, benign question. Often, those who ask the question are not doing so out of real concern, but just as a polite, meaningless pleasantry. Just as often, those who answer the question would never think to respond with anything other than the implicitly expected “I’m fine” or “Good. How are you?” – even if everything wasn’t fine. But what happens when the simple question of “How are you?” becomes a harsh reminder of the isolation felt by anyone struggling with overwhelming grief? What happens when it becomes the silent signpost marking the […]
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Today we usher in the month of November. The holidays are quickly approaching – first Thanksgiving and then Christmas quickly followed by New Year’s. I remember well the pain of those first holidays without Joseph. Prior to his death we were very traditional in the ways we celebrated, but now we didn’t know how to fill the gap among us. Learning to do that was a process. We discovered quickly that we each needed something familiar because life had become so unfamiliar. Since they were part of the fabric of our family, we chose to hang on to many of […]
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The Webster dictionary describes the word bereavement as a state of being sad because a family member or friend has recently died. For anyone who has lost a loved one, they know in reality bereavement is a word that cannot be defined. Bereavement is a feeling with unknown depths triggered by love which too cannot be measured. We know love is a whole host of meanings with many acts of endearment far beyond words. So I have to wonder, if it’s difficult to describe the feeling of love, how can one put a definition on the feeling of losing it. […]
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Monday is Halloween, and although we do not celebrate it like we did when my daughter Marcy was alive and young enough to enjoy the night, we still answer the door to the goblins and fairy princesses from our neighborhood. “How pretty you look,” I say to the young children wearing long princess dresses. “And how scary you look,” I tell the young boys who have on evil masks they hope will scare everyone. We have spooky music playing through the intercom when they ring the bell. We used to do that with Marcy’s friends especially. Most of the very little […]
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By Chris Mulligan — It’s time to party! the television advertisements say this time of year. Party? How could I party when some days I did not even want to get out of bed? I did not want to go to work. I did not want to confront my day. How could I party when I could not even look at my face to put on a happy one? Getting through one’s days are difficult at best after the death of a child, but enduring the holiday season seems almost impossible to surmount. Depending upon the length of time in […]
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There’s the joke about the cemetery. “How many dead people are in there?” The answer: “All of them.” Or, “People are dying to get in there.” It brought a smile to my lips the first time a ten-year-old told me. But after my son died, I was wondering why there are so many jokes about death and being dead. “We joke about what we fear,” Daniel’s pediatric oncologist at UNC-Chapel Hill’s Hospital told me. Well, I don’t fear the cemetery anymore. The movies and TV shows, especially around Halloween, like to depict the graveyard as a scary place with ghosts […]
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Holidays are a time of reflection and self-discovery for those who mourn. Four years have passed since my daughter died, and I am still overwhelmed with memories at Christmas time. Since this was her favorite holiday, I naturally think of her. I remember the thought she put into selecting and making gifts. I have dreamed about my daughter, too. In my dreams she is either a baby or a toddler. Though four years have passed since she died, I still have times when I can’t believe she is gone. My daughter was 45 years old when she died and at […]
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The Christmas tree we dragged from the woods wasn’t perfect, but I didn’t expect the Christmas holiday to be perfect either. The long gangly branches made the tree seem awkwardly out of balance. It was fat at the bottom and too skinny at the top. One of our guests during the holiday commented, “I can’t believe you paid for that tree,” with a teasing snicker. Gramps would have liked the tree with wide spaces between the limbs. He always believed a bird should be able to fly through the tree. He didn’t believe anything should be perfect. Little flaws were […]
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I am sitting at my desk looking outside at the glorious blue sky and just a tinge of color change in the leaves. The weekend was one of brisk cool air, the smell of bonfires in the neighborhood, and of mums replacing the petunias that are now stringy and overgrown. I am entering my 16th fall season without my son, Adam. Truthfully I don’t remember much of the first, or the second ones. My mind was numb, my heart hurt and it was enough to make it through each day let alone noticing what was going on in the world […]
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When a husband loses his wife, they call him a widower. When a wife loses her husband, they call her a widow. And when somebody’s parents die, they call them an orphan. But there is no name for a parent, a grieving mother or a devastated father, who has lost their child. Because the pain behind the loss is so immeasurable and unbearable that it cannot be described in a single word. It just cannot be described. —Bhavya Kaushik, The Other Side of the Bed Each of the cards, notes, and e-mails that arrived following Joseph’s homegoing was cherished, but […]
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I breathe a sigh of relief today… as I write this it is the last day of September, 2013. I love the September weather and the move to Fall. But it is a month full of emotions — good and painful. My daughter, Liz, would have turned the big 30 on September 12th. What haunts me most is that I long to know what the story of her life would look like at 30. What career would she have? Would she have found someone to share her life with? Would I be a Grandmother? In my mind, Liz will always […]
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I am approaching the anniversary of my son’s death. It will 16 years since we heard the news from the county chaplain on duty that night that it was indeed our son, Adam, and his flight student, Jason, who had landed the plane on a city street and died in the fiery aftermath. Sixteen years since we had to plan a funeral, watched his body be laid to rest at the cemetery, and live in a grief so heavy that I thought it would cause my heart to stop with the weight of it all. A few months after his […]
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Several of my friends have lost older children due to suicide. In one instance, suicide was linked to drug abuse. I’m very concrned for teens and young adults in my community. Pot is becoming an “accepted” drug and, much as I hate to admit it, Molly, a terribly addictive drug, is surely here. Parents need to be on the lookout for drug experimentation and/or abuse. If your child is acting differently, avoiding contact with you, hanging out with a different peer group, doing poorly in schoool, coming and going at odd hours, argumentative, and depressed looking, he or she may […]
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Easter Sunday 2005 was expected to be like all other traditional Easters…church in the morning followed by the family gathering at my parents. We had anticipated this holiday to be extra special because our mother had recently been diagnosed with breast cancer and not knowing the severity, we treasured each moment. Unfortunately the day did not unfold as planned. Tragically, the day started with an early morning phone call to my sister giving the news that her 23 year old daughter had been in a terrible car accident. This being the second catastrophic news to our family, we were almost […]
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On October 22, 1990, I became the mother of two children. I will always be the mother of two children. Our daughter, Rachel, was already nine, but we’d been unable to conceive a second child after my husband’s shocking bout of cancer two years into our marriage, and so after several miscarriages and years on the artificial insemination rollercoaster, we’d arranged to adopt. It was a boy. He was a month early. We were thrilled. Bob and I flew to the birth mother’s southern city, made our way to the hospital, and stood at the nursery window. The 4-pound incubated […]
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It happend again last week, another death of a young man in a motorcycle crash. The man wasn’t wearing a hemet. My home state of Minnesota used to have a law requiring all motorcycle riders to wear safety helmets. Because of protests the law was repealed. Please, please, if you or your child drives a motorcycle, wear a helmet and other protective gear. These senseless deaths must stop. Take a safety course if you haven’t done it yet. This will help to prevent more tragedy and grief.
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I went to my favorite discount store to see the new fall clothing. While I was pushing my cart past a woman, I commented, “Passing on the right.” After I passed the woman I turned to her and said, “We’re looking at long-sleeved tops. It’s hard to believe summer is over and fall is here.” She smiled a bit and looked at me. “I’m here to buy something to wear to my mother’s memorial service,” she said. “My mother died two days ago.” “I’m so sorry,” I said. The woman went on to tell me her 29-year-old son committed suicide […]
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Providence blinked facing the sun Where are we left to carry on “Until the Day is Done”, by R.E.M Providence Blinked According to Dictionary.com, providence is defined as, among other things, the foreseeing care and guidance of nature over the creatures of the earth. Until May of 2002, I would have accepted that definition without reservation. I felt protected and maybe even immune from the tragedy that affected other individuals in society. Arrogance didn’t drive this perception; I just never allowed my mind to go to the deep, dark places where others already had been. However, providence did blink (mightily, I might […]
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We live in a world where – if you have the means – pain and suffering are to be avoided at all costs. We are always looking for the next “quick fix” to alleviate discomfort with the least amount of effort required. In many cases, this means treating the symptoms while ignoring the root cause of the problem. In the United States, we live in a society so uncomfortable with emotional pain that when someone dies, society expects the outward mourning period to end once the funeral is over. When the bereaved do not cooperate with these prescribed time tables, […]
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Child death is one of those awful things that no one likes to think or talk about, but the sad truth is that many parents face it every day. When a child dies, there is often a well of support from family, friends and the broader community in light of the tragedy. People band together to assist the bereaved family, but beyond delivered meals and help around the house, family and friends are often unsure of how to continue supporting the bereaved parents and surviving children. As a bereaved parent myself, I observed as family members and friends struggled to […]
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I’ve never been a stranger to the isolation that comes from feeling like you just don’t fit into your surroundings. But I never felt as isolated in my whole life as I did after the death of my daughter. A History of Isolation As a child, I was a shy, introverted person and often felt different than the people around me. At the time, I never really knew why. While I didn’t like the feeling of isolation, I didn’t understand what caused it so it just became a fact of life. Over the years my shyness has lessened, but I […]
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I was reading Angelina’s op-ed piece in the New York Times, on her decision to have a double mastectomy to reduce her risk of breast cancer. The fact that she shared her story was both courageous and inspiring. Why did she want to share her story and not keep it private, a move that’s been called heroic by many? She knew that by stepping through any fear or stigma that surrounds the “C” word… she would not only inspire women to take action and be proactive with their health, but to also shed light about the genetic testing and the […]
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Last weekend I attended The Compassionate Friends national conference in Boston. Bereaved parents and families shared their stories at the conference. My daughter died from the injuries she received in a car crash. I was amazed at how many other families mourned children who also died in car crashes. I shared my story and coping tips in two workshops and am already thinking about the workshop proposals I will submit for next year’s TCF conference in Chicago. Sharing stories makes bereaved family members feel “normal” and gives them strength for the days ahead. You may share your story in writing, […]
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Since my daughter died just after turning four years old, one of my biggest fears has been that she will be forgotten. But lately, I’ve been asking myself: What does that really mean? What am I really scared of? The idea that she will be forgotten is actually two separate fears. The first is that due to the notion of “out of sight, out of mind,” friends and even family will stop thinking of her and, in essence, “forget her”. In reality, this is the natural course of life. I have beloved relatives and dear friends who have passed, and […]
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In 2007, on a snowy February night, my elder daughter died from the injuries she received in a car crash. Surgeons operated on her for 20 hours, but her injuries were too severe and they were unable to save her life. Blut force trauma was the actual cause of death — three words a parent never wants to hear or say. The death of a child is bad enough; the death of a child from blunt force trauma is horrific. I wondered about my daughter’s last minutes of life and worried about my granddaughter, a passenger in the car. Why […]
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At almost four years after the death of my daughter, I had thought it would be easier than this. In those early days and months when my grief made it feel like I simply couldn’t survive this loss, I saw others in support groups who had lost their loved ones many years before, and they seemed ok. They looked almost “normal” again. They told me it wouldn’t always be like this. They said you learn to live with the pain, and it would lessen over time. They said you will eventually find joy and happiness again. They said you create […]
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Six years have passed since my daughter died from the injuries she received in a car crash. They have been six busy years. My husband and I became guardians of our 15-year-old twin grandchildren and their fiscal conservators as well. Our grandchildren graduated from high school with honors, received college scholarships, and are incoming seniors today. In some ways, it is hard to believe they are 21 years old. In other ways, it is not. Every day, since my daughter died, I wonder how I can honor her memory. My daughter had a marvelous sense of humor and when I […]
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I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge – That myth is more potent than history. I believe that dreams are more powerful than facts – That hope always triumps over experience – That laughter is the only cure for grief. And I believe that love is stronger than death. Robert Fulghum One warm summer day, the neighborhood children asked if they could explore the forest behind our house. When they didn’t return in about a half hour, my husband, Gary, got concerned and went to look for them. He located them by the sound […]
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by Sandy Fox Happy Father’s Day to all fathers. Today is your day, and I hope you celebrate it with loved ones. Many fathers react differently to this day depending on where they are in their lives, especially a bereaved father. One bereaved father wrote this poem: As this day approaches, I wonder how I will react. Am I still a father? I will sit quietly never allowing family and friends to see how I feel. I will miss my son, but I can’t allow myself to “break.” I must remain strong and always be the “rock.” I wish I […]
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With Father’s Day approaching, I would like to take this opportunity to express my love and gratitude to the father of our sons, my husband, Alan. He carried us through those darkest times of early grief after the death of our youngest son, Clint. As I come out of the fog of anguish and begin to re-enter our new normal, I can appreciate all the many ways he cared for us. There were times in the early part of mourning that I was angry at myself, Alan and even Clint. I wanted someone to fix all of this pain. Despite […]
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For six years, I had heard about and read about the practice of writing a letter to a deceased loved one, and not mailing it. According to grief experts, writing a letter helps you to heal. Writing the letter also helps you to let go. Bob Deits, author of Life After Loss, says this is the most difficult letter you will ever write, and it demands your best. I agreed with his points and, though I was impressed with his wisdom, I did not write THE LETTER. This idea had become a giant billboard in my mind, with the words […]
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Happy Father’s Day to all fathers. Today is your day, and I hope you celebrate it with loved ones. Many fathers react differently to this day depending on where they are in their lives; it may be especially difficult for a father who has lost a child. One bereaved father wrote this poem: As this day approaches, I wonder how I will react. Am I still a father? I will sit quietly never allowing family and friends to see how I feel. I will miss my son, but I can’t allow myself to “break.” I must remain strong and always […]
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When my daughter died, the pain was so overwhelming, the thought that I could ever feel any ounce of happiness again seemed ridiculous. In those early days of grief, the mere idea of being happy didn’t just feel impossible, it felt wrong. During the first year after her death, I recall an evening when my husband insisted I sit down with him and our three boys and watch a funny show on TV that we had watched regularly as a family for years. My husband was able to recognize that in the wake of their sister’s death, our boys needed […]
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I had read about it long ago, the idea of writing a letter to a deceased loved one. The idea sounded like a good one, but I was reluctant to do it. Lost and forgotten emotions could overwhelm me. Maybe I would go backwards on the recovery path. But the thing I feared most was returning to deep grief. Six years had passed since my adult daughter died, and I had come to far, and did not want to regress. And so I waited and thought about it and didn’t write the letter. Some experts recommend writing several letters, putting […]
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As used to my own grief as I am, every time I am aware of another life lost to less than a full life, my heart sinks and breaks again. I know loss and its hurts. I have been that puddle in the middle of the floor. The person whose tears seem like rivers and you cannot see the end. Now, 17 years later, 17 years after my son, Christopher, was murdered, I stand tall and happy. I feel hopeful for all my days ahead, and even though I would love Christopher to be with us, I know he never […]
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Six years after my daughter died from the injuries she received in a car crash, I can say, in all honesty, that the searing pain of grief has lessened. The sobbing has passed and, though I cried once during a talk, I am able to tell my story without breaking down. Still, my daughter is with me every moment of every day. “Would she like this dinner?” I ask. “I wish she was here to see this,” I say. “Helen would have laughed herself silly,” I observe. My husband and I have done many things in memory of our daughter. […]
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When I was in Brussels, Belgium, recently, I found a reference to Compassionate Friends (the organization for parents who have lost a child to death) and a couple’s phone number in a magazine called The Bulletin. I called the number referenced and spoke to a lovely British lady who has lived in Brussels with her husband for the past 40 years. She informed me that Brussels at one time did have a Compassionate Friends chapter but no longer. She does still refer those who need help to a chapter as close as possible and answers any questions they may have. […]
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I never thought I would become my grandchildren’s guardian and raise teenagers again. But that is what happened after my daughter and her former husband were killed in separate car crashes. My grandkids, one boy and one girl, were 15 when they moved in with us and they are 21 today. Both graduated from high school with honors, received college scholarships, and are on the Dean’s List. They are incoming college seniors now and people keep complimenting us on our success. They are complimenting the wrong people. Sure, we influenced the twins, but my husband and I are not responsibile […]
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The day before Mother’s Day this website posted my article, “A Mother’s Love Lives On.” I included a refrain in the article, a sentence that declared I would always love my daughter. It was the truth. My truth is also that I also became guardian of my twin grandchildren after their parents died in separate car crashes. These tragedies stunned everyone in the family. Returning to life again, to the possibilities of joy, has been hard for all of us. So it was surprising to see a photo of my deceased daughter with her twin babies on the Internet, a […]
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Cemetery Discomfort I have always been uncomfortable in cemeteries ever since I can remember. My discomfort surrounding cemetery visits magnified one hundred fold after my daughter Jeannine’s death in March of 2003. Watching my daughter’s coffin being lowered into the ground during her gravesite service was symbolic of the end of her life, as I knew it, and the end of mine as I knew it. I have gone to the cemetery on a handful of occasions with my wife Cheri, only long enough to ensure that the flowers she planted were intact and that Jeannine’s sacred place filled with […]
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My daughter died in 2007 from the injuries she received in a car crash. At the time of her death, she was soaring in life. She was a composite engineer, had an MBA, six industry certifications, a job she enjoyed, excellent performance reviews, and was assured of advancement in the company. Life was brighter than it had ever been and then she died. Her death was bad enough. Two days later, my father-in-law died. Then my brother (and only sibling) died. Nine months after my daughter died, my former son-in-law, father of my twin grandchildren, died from the injuries he […]
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Abel Keogh is author of the memoir Room for Two, the story of the year of his life following his late wife’s suicide and the corresponding death of their unborn child. He is also the writer of the relationship guides Dating a Widower, Marrying a Widower, and Life with a Widower. Now remarried, he and his wife, Juile, are the parents of six children. https://media.blubrry.com/open_to_hope_1/audio.opentohope.com/2013/09/Abel-Keough.mp3Podcast: Play in new window | Download
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Robin Lentz Worgan began writing after her first pregnancy ended in miscarriage. The stillbirth of her third child, Margaret, led her to write Journaling Away Mommy’s Grief: A Book and a Journal for Mother’s after Stillbirth or Infant Loss, a self-help and memoir. Robin is a freelance writer, speaker, peer counselor, mother, and teacher. https://media.blubrry.com/open_to_hope_1/audio.opentohope.com/2013/07/Robin-Lentz.1.mp3Podcast: Play in new window | Download
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After the death of his son Noah, Glen Lord joined The Compassionate Friends and now serves on the board. He founded The Grief Tool Box, a resource for the bereaved. He is also the executive producer of the Walking Through Grief DVD series and the Grief Support Group Toolkit. https://media.blubrry.com/open_to_hope_1/audio.opentohope.com/2013/06/Glen-lord_02.mp3Podcast: Play in new window | Download
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Open to Hope is an online community offering inspirational stories of loss, hope and recovery. We believe hope is the bridge between loss and recovery.
