A poem I wrote for my daughter Keren - I Used to Live in May

I USED TO LIVE IN MAY

I used to live in May
brilliance,warmth and
laughter filled my days

I used to live in May
Then you died and went away
Now darkness,cold,and crying fill my days

I used to live in May
Come back,Come back I say .

For when you were here
I used to live in May.

written by Louise Lagerman

Lessons From Tim Russert

By  Trignano

This past week has been filled with stories about the life Tim Russert lived. How he lived life to the fullest. I am saddened at his passing; saddened at losing such a remarkable person and journalist. As I listen to the many stories, I am reminded again of the lessons death teaches us.  Although I never knew Tim Russert personally, here are a few of the lessons his life and death taught me:

1. A life well lived, with passion and enthusiasm, touches other people in ways we never know. Tim’s passion for his work and family touched everything he did and it showed. Many have said they they are not mourning his life, but rather celebrating a life well lived. That is a legacy I would like to leave this earth with. Today I ask myself, am I living with passion? Could I step it up just a bit? Tim’s life reminds me that it is possible!

2. Take the time NOW to tell those special people in our life just what they mean to us and just how important their presence is in our life. None of us knows when we will die. It is important to share our feelings openly as Tim modeled for us. The rewards are great for those who do. I ask myself, “When did I last tell those in my life how much they mean to me?”

3. Family relationships shape the quality of our lives. Be proud of your family! Let them know. Tim was! He signed off the air after his Meet the Press show by acknowledging his love of Big Russ and his son. Openly and publicly. Tim’s life reminds me to nurture love each day. I hope to find myself with a personal history that I can look back on with total joy and satisfaction.

4. Fathers have a special role to fill in their children’s life. Cherish that role. No one can do it better than a parent can. There is no price you can put on the love that returns to you! Others can help but they just can’t take your place.

5. The love and respect Tim showed for his father reminds me that the father/son relationship endures for a lifetime - if we’re smart enough to nurture the bond by relating to each other with continued love and respect throughout our lifetime.

6. Embrace your heritage - Tim spoke about his blue collar roots growing up in Buffalo, New York. His love of this country was shaped by the values instilled in him by his family and the experiences he had. Being proud of his past, embracing it, and making it a part of who he was were all things that shaped the man we knew as Tim Russert. How much of my past do I embrace?

These are just a few of the lessons I have been reminded of this past week. Death is a teacher. It teaches us how to live just a little fuller, a little deeper and with a lot of love. Don’t wait for someone in your life to pass away before you take some of these lessons into you heart and live fully!

Coach Linda Trignano, Renew Coaching.com

Linda Trignano, of GriefCoaching.com is dedicated to helping others to understand and manage major life transitions to enable them to once again live a full and joyful life after loss. Visit us at http://www.griefcoaching.com or call 973-839-5068.

You have permission to publish this article electronically or in print, free of charge, as long as the bylines are included. A courtesy copy of your publication is appreciated. Every article published MUST include the author’s bio, including the link to the author’s Web site (at the bottom of this message). http://www.griefcoaching.com

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Poetry Contest Entry - Mom’s Thoughts by Amiee Kate Helms

by Amiee Kate Helms

A few of your possessions left to hold,
But the treasures true,
They lie down deep…
Deep within my heart and soul….
Deep inside of Me…..

I see your face and you smile at me,
You tease to make me laugh…
I hear your songs… And your music
resonates among my soul…
While your words, “I love you, Mom”
Echo… in every thought, of you….

You are my precious child,
I’ll hold you here… inside of me,
You’ll always be my son, my friend,
A special part of me…
You are my precious child,
I love you forever,
You’ll always be my Gabriel,
A special part of me…

Deep inside me, Son,
We can never part…
Though you’ve gone to live in Heaven,
In the everlasting world…
A part of you remains on earth… In M e…

All I have are pictures left to kiss,
A few of your possessions left to hold,
But the treasures true,
They lie down deep…
Deep within my heart and soul….
Deep inside of Me…..
 

The Journey Through the Grieving Process

By oAnne Funch

There is no simple way through the grieving process, I know because I’ve been there.

In 2005 I lost my Mom and husband within a month of each other and later that same year an uncle. I have lost relatives to death before, but this was different. This was the first parent I’ve lost and the only husband I’ve ever had. When someone this close to us dies, we are devastated -on an emotional, physical and spiritual level. I hadn’t had much of a chance to grieve the loss of my mother when my husband passed and now I was grieving a spouse. All my hopes and dreams came crashing in after losing my husband, my life partner.

Initially you find your own way to grieve and then with the help of family and friends hopefully you were guided as I was to outside resources for help.

Initially I recall reading books that talked about some essential points for the grieving-healing process, here are just a few points I found helpful;

  Recognize the significance of your loss

Tell people the story of your relationship with your loved one, in other words talk about what your loved one meant in your life

  Be sure you have a safe environment when talking and seeking comfort and stay connected to others because you don’t have to be alone in your grief.

Be open to the pain and hurt you feel, you may think its easier to avoid that pain but eventually those emotions will surface and demand your attention.

Expect to experience different stages such as shock, denial, anger, sadness and eventually hope.

Learn from other people who have already experienced loss because their survival is comforting and an example that you too will endure and find joy again.

Gaining some knowledge of the grief process by reading or talking to a counselor grief group or clergyman will help

JoAnne Funch ( http://www.heartachetohealing.com) is a site offering resources, support, and to help and inspire those who are suffering through life transitions by sharing her personal story of surviving loss.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=JoAnne_Funch http://EzineArticles.com/?The-Journey-Through-the-Grieving-Process&id=1247599

Coping With Bereavement - A Spiritual Approach

By  J. Finnis

Divorce, redundancy, changing job, moving home etc are usually cited among the major causes of stress, but surely the most stressful thing we experience is bereavement. Our relationships with others are what really define our identity and place in the world, and when we realize that one who’s been close will no longer be around in this lifetime the impact can be devastating.

I consider myself lucky in not having to face the loss of a loved one until well into my late 30s. Though I had gained significant life experience by this time I was totally unprepared for the trauma I would undergo.

As human beings we tend to crave the security of constancy. When things are going smoothly we wish we could push a pause button and keep them that way. But life isn’t like that, change is the very nature of our existence, and our stay in this world is but temporary. On a cosmic scale, it isn’t even a blink of an eyelid.

Sometimes the loss is sudden, and our grief is multiplied where we feel there to be unfinished business, eg things we should have said but didn’t, and now never can.

Although I’d always taken an interest in Spiritual matters, and always sought the true meaning of life, my losses shook my knowledge to its roots and left me confused and demotivated about the continuation of my own pathway. After some time I came to realize that what happened was as natural as birth and growth, simply the next station along the line.

It is said that time is a great healer, but time can never replace those that have passed on. We do however learn to cope without them, and in facing their loss we gain understanding. Though the loss hurts, and continues to hurt, we come to realize that our tears are for ourselves, for our loved ones have moved on, or more accurately returned home. We are the ones who are on a journey, and we are on that journey because we are meant to be so. We have chosen it, and it has been agreed by God. As such we have a duty to make the most of our time in our own way as our loved ones made the most of theirs.

You may well be offered counseling to help you deal with your bereavement. If you feel it might help, give it a go. But accept only the message that seems right to you. Personally, I would have to reject any notion of coming to terms with the finality of physical death.

Our loved ones live on in our memories. Everything they achieved (and we all achieve many things, even if we don’t realize it) lives on, and continues to have influence. But furthermore, there is no death. The concept is ludicrous. In science, matter and energy can neither be created nor destroyed. Life is the momentary marriage of a soul with a physical body. The end of life is the parting of the ways of this relationship, with the atoms and molecules that formed the body being transformed and the soul returning from whence it came.

Though our Spiritual nature is largely hidden during our incarnation in order that we may best fulfill our life purpose, it is evidenced for example by our free will, and our artistic and religious interests for which there are no purely scientific grounds. It is also evidenced by those many little glimpses that we call the paranormal.

Not only may we rest assured that our loved ones continue to exist, we can be sure that we shall some day be reunited. But we don’t have to wait until the end of our journey, for as Spiritual beings we already inhabit the same realm as those who have passed on. Every day reputable Spiritualist mediums bring comfort to the bereaved by relaying messages from departed loved ones with amazing accuracy. And by simply learning to quieten the ‘lower’ mind we can raise our vibrations and experience direct awareness from the ‘folk back home’.

With this knowledge, accept what has happened. Keep the memories of your departed close to your heart. Think and talk about them often. Invite them to come into your life. Just because they’re no longer live in the ’same neighborhood’ doesn’t mean they’re no longer anywhere. And resolve to value, and make the most of your own particular life. Ask yourself (ie them) what they want you to do, sit around moping, or get on and make the best of your own journey. You’ll know what they say, so get on with it knowing they’re sharing the journey with you.

Johnny Finnis is editor of [http://selfhelpsanctum.com]selfhelpsanctum.com, helping you help yourself. Have your say on our blog [http://new-age-spirituality.com/wordpress/]A Spiritual Voice

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=J_Finnis http://EzineArticles.com/?Coping-With-Bereavement—A-Spiritual-Approach&id=1251384

Opportunity to be part of a research project on grief and loss

Remember Loved Ones Forever - Lesley Mattos Guest on Thursday’s Show (6-19-08)

Remember Loved Ones Forever

Create a Memorial Photo Guest Book

 Fill the Memorial Album with Cherished Photos

The memorial album is filled with photos that tell a lasting story about the lost loved one.

Have Friends and Family Share Their Memories

Have the album on hand or send it to friends and family members to view the photos and share their memories in writing.
 
Gathering and looking through photos of joyful and happy times of lost loved ones can be the beginning of the healing process, and personal sentiments from friends and family will bring celebration to those memories.  The Adesso Memorial Guest Book will become a cherished memento that can be passed down from generation to generation.

 To purchase an Adesso Memorial Guest Book please visit http://www.adessoalbums.com/memorial-guest-book.html or call 800.961.7761.   

Opportunity to be part of a research project on grief and loss

Oh the Lies I Have Told!

No one knows the pain
That lies behind these smiling eyes
No one sees the tears that are
Buried deep within my heart.
 
Oh the lies I have told!
I am just fine I say.
When the truth is
I can hardly find my way.
 
While in my heart the pain
Grows and grows and grows
With the emptiness of loss
That no one really knows.
 
Over and over
They say time will always heal
When in fact,
The pain is still as real.
 
It feels like yesterday when I heard those awful words
“Today, we lost our little girl”.
I will never be the same again
My life is all awhirl.
 
In timeless space,
My heart is forever broken
Aching from the pain
With words that are never spoken.
 
Oh, the lies I have told!
I am just fine…I say
When the truth is
I cannot find my way.

Lana Golembeski

Loss, Grief, Pain - Leaving a Legacy of Love

By Jeff Zhorne

Jill’s 29-year-old son died of a drug overdose late last year and was found in a portable toilet in Los Angeles. Distraught and running her fingers over tired eyes, she related how a sheriff had come to her house to tell her what had happened.

“It’s about your son,” he started — “Don’t you tell me my son is dead!” Jill screamed. “Don’t you do it!”

In tears, Jill told me how she would have broken everything in her house and just started running away as fast as she could had not the sheriff been there.  That’s the shock of grief.

I envision some of the pain-filled faces in our Grief Program, some drawn, some with thin lips or puffy eyes - people smack in the middle of the heartache, loneliness and confusion known as grief. John just couldn’t stuff it any longer. Karen felt like the pain was eating her alive. Tina had run out of tears.

Some in that room had long-term relationships to pain. Unresolved loss of trust experiences from childhood can keep us in a state of, “I have to accept pain as a permanent condition.”

Pain can become so familiar it’s like a family member. We built an identity around our pain. We maintain a relationship with it. We build walls around our pain-walls that keep in the pain but keep out joy, happiness and other people. We become our stories.

Many of us have suffered so many losses we don’t remember why we hurt any more. Loss on top of loss on top of loss, all wound up like a ball of yarn. Along comes another loss, and it’s one more wrap around a huge ball of hurt. Over time we can start to feel detached or numb. Life doesn’t touch us in the deepest places of our hearts.

Some may wake up one day and discover they have shut off feelings completely. Others call someone like me and say, “I can’t get over my husband leaving me” or “My life stopped when she died.”

We get bewildered by not knowing what to do about unresolved pain. It sounds so overwhelming.

Some of the reasons we grieve poorly are that we want to put up a good front for others, to be strong for children or friends. Some think tears are evidence of weak faith so they go through the motions and try to act recovered. Others try to think themselves into feeling better.

The result? Getting stuck in fear, isolation, anger and despair. Experiencing nightmares, hallucinations and eating disorders. Add in a healthy dose of guilt and you have a recipe for depression. Or, as author Sam Keen wrote: “Those who refuse to grieve get stuck in melancholy.”

Fourteen years ago my two children died in a horrific auto accident. Jeremy was 4 and Amelia was 18 months. A car smashed into us on a darkly lit road in the middle of nowhere. In an instant I discovered it didn’t matter what I knew, who I knew or how much money I made, I found myself ill-prepared and utterly devastated.

Like so many others drowning in grief, I didn’t lack the courage to recover; I just didn’t know where to turn. I did what everybody wanted me to do: try to get over it. Acting as if everything’s all right and putting on that “I’m fine” face.

So many of us have stuffed the pain over the years. Maybe it’s a sad movie or listening to a friend’s battle with cancer, and slowly we feel our throats tighten. Our feelings bubble to the surface and get lodged there. Many of us push those feelings right back down. “C’mon, heart, be still!”

Many still suffer from unresolved or suppressed negative emotions they thought they had taken care of. Some lose themselves in religious experience. Some immerse themselves in others’ problems or turn to alcohol or drugs as false comforters. Some try to outrun the pain by working till they collapse into bed.

All offer only temporary relief. Like a rubber band, it always snaps back. We can continue to stuff the feelings, shove them away or medicate ourselves until the losses become an ever-growing weight being carried around. Then we wonder why life isn’t the happy, joy-filled experience we had always imagined.

We often talk about the pain of loss. Sometimes it’s not pain at all any more; it’s detachment. Hurting people can become checked out, turned off and tuned out. Forty-year-old Chris, for example, refused to deal with her grief, “even though I have a freight train full of it, I know.”

Chris described how a police officer had ticketed her that day for driving 85 miles an hour. The officer had warned her she could die at that speed. “I told him I didn’t care. I’m so detached, why would I care if I died?”

I asked Chris about her children and her husband. “Oh, they’d be all right. The kids are older and could take care of themselves. Besides, they have their grandparents. My husband? He’d be married again in three weeks!” she said half jokingly.

People suffering from accumulated hurts shut off feelings because they don’t want to be hurt any more. “If this is the way life is played, then I don’t want to play.” They have given up on intimacy and quit risking in relationships. As Tina Turner sings, “Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken?”

Regret often pervades unresolved grief. When Jeremy died, my first thought was a broken promise about letting him burn off energy by running in the moors of England. I went right into regret and longing for another chance, for just five more minutes with him. But those minutes never came.

Others wish, “If only things had worked out differently” or “If only I’d been there in time.” All the dashed dreams, hopes and expectations. As a result, we may feel defective for having normal and natural reactions to loss.

Grieving people aren’t broken, however, and don’t need to be fixed. They need to be heard in an atmosphere of safety, respect and dignity - without evaluation or advice, which is just criticism in disguise, anyway.

Today I am pleased to say I am emotionally complete with the deaths of my two beloved children. Not that I somehow “got over it”; that event is still very much a part of me. But I’ve learned to incorporate that loss and my enduring love for them into my life. I needed to enjoy the fond memories of Jeremy and Amelia. I needed to remember them not only for the way they died, but especially for the way they lived.

The Grief Program’s step-by-step method helps those stuck in confusion and loneliness to move beyond loss by completing the incomplete emotional relationship. It provides the correct skills we were never taught. By saying good-bye to conflict, pain and isolation, we are able to hold the fond memories of loved ones forever.

For the past 12 years, Jeff Zhorne, Grief Counselor and bereavement specialist, has offered group workshops and recovery courses for those suffering the pain of loss. He serves as the director of The Grief Program, an organization dedicated to guiding grieving people in resolving loss issues step-by-step to a richer quality of life. Call The Grief Program at 661-810-9157 or visit them at http://www.thegriefprogram.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jeff_Zhorne http://EzineArticles.com/?Loss,-Grief,-Pain—Leaving-a-Legacy-of-Love&id=980212

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