Bereaved Mother Feels Like She Can’t Go On

Donna asks for help: My son just died in a car accident last Thursday, Sept. 4, 2008. I don’t think I can do this. He was only 20 years old and still lived with us at home. We worked for the same company and rode to and from work every day. I have to go back to work this coming Monday and don’t know how I’m going to make the drive in without him. He was so beautiful to me. I can hardly look at pictures of him right now. All I can see is the image of him lying in his casket. God help me! I have wonderful friends, family and church supporting me and still I feel like I’m drowning. I can’t breathe. Someone tell me how to face tomorrow when I wake up again without him here. I can’t see how. Jarod was my heart and soul… Please help.

Dr. Gloria Horsley responds: Please have someone drive you to work and pick you up for a few days.  I know it will be a pain but you need and deserve the support.  It is also hell having that empty bedroom and closing your eyes only to see them in the coffin.  Things will ease over time and that last image will lessen.  That picture in your mind of your son in the coffin is a way for the mind to let us know that it is true and that he is gone.  We fight that loss with every fiber in our body and mind.  We go to sleep and wake up to the fact that it is not a dream but a reality.  They are really gone.  Hold on to the love and history that you still have for one another.  You had 20 wonderful years and as time goes on and the suffering eases your memories will shine.

Fondly, Dr. Gloria

John Greden and Eric Hipple: Overcoming Suicide and Depression

September 11, 2008 –
Topic:  Overcoming Suicide and Depression
Guests  John Greden & Eric Hipple
John Greden, M.D., is the Rachel Upjohn Professor of Psychiatry and Clinical Neurosciences, Research Professor, Molecular and Behavioral Neuroscience Institute, and Executive Director of the University of Michigan Depression Center.

Eric Hipple is a former quarterback of the Detroit Lyons, Outreach Representative for the University of Michigan Depression Center and author with Dr. Gloria and Dr. Heidi of “Real Men Do Cry:  An NFL Quarterback Overcomes Depression and Suicide”.

Topics: Afterlife Agreements & Getting Through Your Grief

1st Guest Chris Mulligan

Chris Mulligan lost her son, Zack, in 2000.  Zack’s death was a life changing event that drew her to believe that she had chosen to design her own life plan.  This philosophy has helped Chris to accept as a gift her trials and tribulations.  Chris is the author of, “Afterlife Agreements:  A Gift From Beyond”.

Topic:  Getting Through Your Grief
2nd Guest:  Allen Cole
Dr. Allan Cole is a Professor of Pastoral Care at Austin Presbyterian Theological Seminary and author of “Good Mourning: Getting through your Grief”.   Dr. Cole’s has helped hundreds of people go through the mourning process.  He believes in staying active, and engaged when dealing with loss.

Coping with Grief After Murder of a Child

My son lee was murdered,he died 22nd april 2007 of head injuries he was 25 years old.my life will never be the same again and i still stuggle to get through each day.i try to convince myself he is just on holiday and will be back soon.perhaps denial is a damaging emotion but how do you cope with the loss of one of your children especially in such a horific manner.

Tina

I am so very sorry to hear about your son Lee. It has only been a little over a year be patient with yourself. A year is a very short time to deal with the death of a child. Actually, denial is not a bad thing. As we can handle more of our loss it begins to sink in. This takes time and denial is a way of taking a break. The fact that you are asking a question about denial means that you are beginning to come to terms with the fact that Lee is gone and will not be coming home again. The second year is difficult as our denial gets less and less and some depression can set in. Continue to reach out, eat good things, walk, and practice taking deep breaths. You will get through this as I did. Grief is work.

Dr. Gloria

Dr. Robin Goodman to be a Guest on Healing the Grieving Heart — July 10

(CBS) Dr. Robin F. Goodman has been a contributor to CBS News’ The Early Show since August 2006. Dr. Goodman is a licensed clinical psychologist and art therapist. She has frequently commented on radio and in print, including Ladies Home Journal, Working Mother, Child, Parents, and Seventeen magazines.

Dr. Goodman has authored more than 100 online articles and written and developed “Caring for Kids After Trauma and Death: A Guide for Parents and Professionals,” used throughout the country following 9/11 and during the war in Iraq. She was a youth panel expert for the White House Initiative on Mental Health. She is currently Director of Family Programs for Voices of September 11th and a consultant to Allegheny General Hospital Center for Traumatic Stress in Children and Adolescents (since 2004).

Most recently, Dr. Goodman consulted the Department of Defense, Educational Opportunities Directorate (2004) and National Child Traumatic Stress Network (2004-05). She was once a Clinical Associate Professor in Psychiatry at New York University School of Medicine, where she worked with the Child Study Center as Director of Bereavement Programs and AboutOurKids.org (1999-2004). Her diverse professional training includes Bellevue Hospital and other New York public and private hospitals.

In addition, as Director of Public Education, Dr. Goodman led activities for the Childhood Revealed project and the National Child Mental Health Initiative (1999-2002), which focused on child mental health awareness. She established the first Child Life Program in Pediatric Hematology/Oncology at Mount Sinai Hospital in New York (1982-85) and developed and directed the behavioral health service of the Stephen D. Hassenfeld Children’s Center for Cancer and Blood Disorders at NYU Medical Center (1989-1999). Dr. Goodman, past president of the American Art Therapy Association, has been involved in state and national governmental affairs, and served on the editorial board of the American Journal of Art Therapy.

Dr. Goodman’s book credits include “The Day Our World Changed: Children’s Art of 9/11,” “Turbulent Times Prophetic Dreams: Art from Israeli and Palestinian Children” and “Childhood Revealed: Art Expressing Pain, Discovery and Hope,” which contains art by children and teens with psychiatric or physical illness, learning difficulties, experiencing a divorce, or living through a trauma. The book received a Ken Award from the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill-NYC Metro and art from the book was exhibited at the Whitney Museum of American Art before moving on to Rockefeller Plaza and a three-year nationwide tour.

She is a magna cum laude graduate of Smith College, has a masters degree from New York University, and a doctorate from the Derner Institute at Adelphi University, where she received the Kalike Research Award. Dr. Goodman maintains a private practice working with adults, adolescents, and children with relationship, emotional, and behavioral problems, in addition to having particular expertise in trauma and bereavement.

©MMVI, CBS Broadcasting Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Lesley Mattos and Luellen Hoffman to Appear of Healing the Grieving Heart

Lesley Mattos lost her father to a massive heart attack at age 15. After a successful 28 year career in high tech she had the idea for a product that would help families celebrate special moments in the lives of their loved ones and founded Adesso Albums. Among her products are unique memorial albums.

Luellen Hoffman is an adjunct professor at George Mason University in Fairfax, Virginia and has a successful career in the Washington, DC area. She has won top awards and recognitions from, VNU/Nielsen Business Media for her outstanding people and communication skills.

Hoffman is a feature writer of a children’s column with a Chicago based magazine for over fifteen years. She also created an equestrian scholarship at Dartmouth College in 2002. Her husband Michael died unexpectedly in 1994 which led her to write this book and share her experience of a Special Dream in hope of reaching out to others who may be have had this same unique experience. She has two sons, enjoys art, music and sports.

Coming Up on Healing the Grieving Heart Radio

J. William Worden, PhD, ABPP, is a Fellow of the American Psychological Association and holds academic appointments at Harvard Medical School and at the Rosemead Graduate School of Psychology in California. He is also Co-Principal Investigator of the Harvard Child Bereavement Study, based at the Massachusetts General Hospital. His research and clinical work over 30 years has centered on issues of life-threatening illness and life-threatening behavior. Dr. Worden has lectured and written on topics related to terminal illness, cancer care, and bereavement. He is the author of Personal Death Awareness, Children & Grief: When a Parent Dies, and is coauthor of Helping Cancer Patients Cope. His book Grief Counseling & Grief Therapy: A Handbook for the Mental Health Practitioner, now in its third edition, has been translated into 7 foreign languages and is widely used around the world as the standard reference on the subject. Dr. Worden’s clinical practice is in Newport Beach, California.

Cindy Bullens - Two Time Grammy Nominee to Appear on Healing the Grieving Heart

    Born and raised in Massachusetts, Cindy Bullens arrived in Los Angeles in 1974 with little more than her songs, her guitar, and a burning desire to make music.  Cindy got her first real break when she crashed a studio party and met Elton John, who was impressed enough to hire Cindy as a backup singer on his US tour. Cindy sang with Elton on three major tours, as well as the multi-platinum album Blue Moves, and on his 1976 No. 1 Pop single “Don’t Go Breakin’ My Heart.”

    In 1978, Cindy was nominated for a Grammy Award for her vocal performances on the Grease film soundtrack. The following year, she released her debut solo album Desire Wire (United Artists, 1979) and scored a breakthrough hit with her song “Survivor,” which earned Cindy a second Grammy Award nomination for best rock vocal performance.  Signed to Casablanca Records in 1980, Cindy released Steal The Night, a strong sophomore album.

    Cindy married Dan Crewe in 1979, and for the next ten years she largely set aside her career to raise their two daughters, Reid, now 23, and Jessie, who passed away in 1996.  In the mid 90’s, Cindy began spending time in Nashville, writing with such songwriters as Al Anderson and Radney Foster, with whom she penned the hit song, “Hammer & Nails.” Such diverse artists as Texas blues diva Sarah Brown, New Orleans soul queen Irma Thomas, and pop-country superstars the Dixie Chicks have all recorded Cindy’s songs.

    In 1994, Cindy released “Why Not?,” a collection of demos recorded with her friend David Mansfield, on her own Blue Lobster label.  In 1999, Artemis Records picked up her Blue Lobster album Somewhere Between Heaven and Earth, written after her daughter Jessie’s death, for national distribution.  The album received the AFIM (independent music) award for “Best Rock Album.”  One of the highlights of her 2000 tour was opening a series of California concerts at the personal request of headliner Emmylou Harris.

     In the summer of 2001, Cindy collaborated with Tony Award-winning producer and director John Wulp on Islands, a musical about life on North Haven, an island off the coast of Maine where Cindy has a summer home.  With songs by Cindy and book by John Wulp, “Islands” was first produced in May of 2000 with a local cast of non-professionals portraying themselves.  The musical received much acclaim both statewide and nationally as a unique story and project, and as a result the original cast of “Islands” debuted to a sold out audience at the New Victory Theater on Broadway in September of 2001.

    That same year, Cindy released Neverland.  Co-produced by Cindy and Steve Earle’s TwangTrust partner Ray Kennedy, “Neverland” brought Cindy back to the bare bones fun of her rock ‘n roll roots.  Featuring guest appearances by Emmylou Harris, Steve Earle, and John Hiatt, “Neverland“garnered Cindy several spots on various Top Ten lists after its release in the USA.

    ”When people ask me what I do, I say I’m a rock and roller,” Cindy notes.  “I’ve said that from the beginning, and I still say it today.  Many people consider me a singer-songwriter in the category of John Hiatt, Lucinda Williams and Steve Earle, and I’m very proud to be in their company, but when you come to see me play live, playing the same Les Paul or Stratocaster I played 20 years ago, you will know I’m a rock-and-roller.”

      Over the last few years, Cindy has toured in Europe and Australia.  In the summer of 2004, she gathered with an all-star band at Ray Kennedy’s Room & Board Studio in Hermitage, Tennessee, to record her sixth solo album, Dream #29.  The album features Sir Elton John playing rollicking piano on the title track, a duet with roadhouse bluesman Delbert McClinton and a guest vocal by the World Champion Red Sox knuckleballer Tim Wakefield. The CD also features some of the best musicians in the world: George Marinelli (Bonnie Raitt) on guitar, Dennis Burnside on keys, Ginger Cote (The Coming Grass) on drums, and Garry W. Tallent (E-Street Band) on bass, Dream #29 is an absorbing collection of rock & roll, balancing poignant and introspective songs with a down-and-dirty rock & roll attitude.

How Friends Help After Death

How Friends Help After Death is the topic of our show, Healing the Grieving Heart, which airs on Thursday, April 24. Each guest has authored a book which may be of interest to many of you. Barbara Francis authored Unexpected Turns: Leaning Into the Losses of Life. See the picture to the left and click on the picture to order. Betsy Bottino Arenella authored Isabella’s Dream: A Story and activity Book for a Child’s Grief  journey which you will see in the right hand column under “This Weeks Guest’s Book.” Again, you may click on the picture to order.

July 5, 2007: Sibling Bereavement in Childhood - Betty Davies

HEALING THE GRIEVING HEART
Sibling Bereavement in Childhood
Hosts:  Dr. Gloria Horsley and Dr. Heidi Horsley
With guest:  Betty Davies
July 5, 2007
G: Hello.  I’m Dr. Gloria Horsley with my co-host
H: Dr. Heidi Horsley.
G: Each week Heidi and I welcome you to Healing the Grieving Heart, a show of hope and conversation with those who’ve suffered the loss of a loved one and for health care professionals who work in this most difficult field.  And as always the message is others have been there before you and made it.  You can too.  You do not walk alone.  If you’re listening to our Thursday live Internet show, please join Heidi and me on the show by calling our toll free number, 1-866-472-5792, with questions or comments regarding the losses in your life.  These shows are archived on our blog, www.thegriefblog.com as well as www.thecompassionatefriends.org websites.  All shows can be downloaded on Itunes and the transcripts can be accessed on www.thegriefblog.com.  Good morning, Heidi. Read more

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