Brother’s suicide drives Bears draft pick Bazuin to succeed

Published April 30, 2007

Not until 3:15 a.m. Sunday did Dan Bazuin finally say goodbye to the last local to leave the pole barn outside McBain , Mich. , where the Bazuin family held his NFL draft party.

Bazuin estimated about 400 “Baners” showed up to celebrate the Bears taking him in the second round with the 62nd pick Saturday, not a bad turnout for a town of 597 in north central Michigan.

It was the one person who wasn’t there Bazuin noticed most.

“I thought about him the whole day and how much he’d love being at the party,” Bazuin said Sunday on the phone.

Bazuin was referring to younger brother Darin, who committed suicide last June one week after winning a Michigan high school discus title. He was 18.

“We never saw it coming,” said Janell Bazuin, Dan and Darin’s mother. “He was never suspected of doing anything like that.”

Darin Bazuin was a good student and a good athlete headed for Saginaw Valley State who loved his car and his friends like a typical teenager. In his obituary, the Cadillac News described Darin as having “a smile that would melt your heart.”

On his personal Web site, he wrote that his favorite thing was watching his big brother Dan play football. The idea that Darin is still watching him served as Dan’s inspiration his senior year at Central Michigan and will help carry him through any tough times he encounters his rookie year in Chicago . He wore an arm band with the words “Darin Lee” on his uniform last season.

“I think about it every day, but I’ve gotten past it the best I could,” Bazuin said. “All that I’ve gone through has shaped me as a leader. I have the opportunity to live my dreams and my brother won’t. Each day that gets a little easier to accept, but I still miss him.”

The Bears selected five players Sunday to cap a draft in which character factored into the process even more than in most years. It played no small part in why Bazuin, a 6-foot-3-inch, 265-pound overachieving defensive end with 33.5 career sacks against Mid-American Conference competition, jumped out of obscurity into the second round.

“I knew the type of person I was mirrored what they wanted in a player,” Bazuin said. “But I still was a little surprised.”

The perseverance the Bears valued so much was put to the test a month after Darin’s death last summer when Bazuin cut his big right toe. He considered it nothing out of the ordinary until an infection spread so badly that he had to be hospitalized for more than a week with sepsis. His temperature spiked at 105 degrees.

The setback caused Bazuin’s weight to dip 10 pounds below his ideal playing weight and initially jeopardized a senior season expected to provide a platform for the NFL. His sack total dropped from 16 as a junior to 10.5 as a senior, his tackles for lost yardage from 26.5 to 15. But he never offered excuses for tragedy or injury that occasionally made it hard to focus on football.

“He had his moments and we’ve all cried,” Janell Bazuin said. “It has been a tough year for Daniel. But he’s a very positive person whose attitude has changed my life.”

When Bazuin arrives Wednesday for next weekend’s mini-camp, he will bring a work ethic likely to make him an immediate fan favorite in Chicago . He grew up on the dairy farm operated by his parents, Ted and Janell, where the routine included milking cows and baling hay and waking before dawn.

Nicknamed “Buzz” by a college teammate who struggled pronouncing his last name, Bazuin started every game he played at CMU. He developed such lasting bonds that his former coach, Mike DeBoard, was the first person to text him after the selection, and he hadn’t coached Bazuin in three years.

The smile on Bazuin’s face as he accepted congratulations reminded his mom of a day when he was 5.

“Daniel came up to me and said, ‘Mom, is it OK if I don’t play pro baseball because I want to play pro football instead?’ ” Janell recalled. “We laughed at him, but since that day it’s been his dream.”

The Bears quietly made it reality for the lifetime Lions fan.

They didn’t invite Bazuin for a visit to Halas Hall, and defensive tackle appeared to be a bigger need because of the presence of ends Adewale Ogunleye, Mark Anderson, Israel Idonije and Alex Brown, who could be the odd man out. Lovie Smith went out of his way Sunday to point out the Bears’ history of playing rookies, the latest good signal for the guy who models his game after Grant Wistrom.

“If it creates good competition, the best man wins, so to speak,” general manager Jerry Angelo said. “We play a lot of defensive linemen on game day, so that will all sort itself out.”

Back in McBain, they are still sorting through the grief. But joyous days like Saturday help the Bazuins, who arranged the draft party at Bazuin’s uncle’s pole barn that was open to the community.

“We felt like we had to give back to the people for all they’ve done for Daniel,” Janell Bazuin said.

At one point, as the crowd swelled into the hundreds, Dan and his parents came to the same conclusion as their eyes met across the barn.

“Then,” Janell Bazuin said, “we all kind of looked at each other and said, ‘This is what Darin wanted.’ ”

dhaugh@tribune.com

 

Feeling Guilt for Grieving

I lost my 44 year old daughter, Elizabeth, to breast cancer on July 4, 2006. She left a husband, a 24 yr old son and 2 daughters, 9 & 10-1/2, as well as 2 loving older sisters. I have been devastated since her death. Even though we knew after her first diagnosis 3-1/2 years before she died that she would not survive. She fought so hard to live. During her last few months I stayed with her and was her caregiver. We became so close. She told me how scared she was. She told me shortly before she died “Mom, please don’t let me die. I need to raise my girls”. I held her in my arms when she died. Someone told me later that I held her when she took her first breath and when she took her last. I promised her I would be here for the children and my other daughters. But sometimes I just don’t want to live anymore. She was my baby. I miss her laughter, her hugs, her kisses, her smell, everything about her. As each holiday approaches I don’t think I will make it through, but I do. Thanksgiving, her birthday, her daughters birthday, my birthday and Christmas were the worst, but I put on a happy face for the girls. I lost 20 lbs during that month preceeding Christmas. Now my little granddaughter will have her 10th birthday next week, without her mommy. All I can think about is how we get through this. Then Mother’s Day. I don’t even want to acknowledge it. I go into such depths of despair. My heart hurts. My stomach feels like someone has kicked me. I have gone to grief counseling. I have read 3 books on grieving parents. I can’t read anymore. All it does is depress me. My doctor put me on anti depressants. I took them for a short while but I just need to grieve in my own way and in my own time without drugs, so I went off of them. I dont even know why I am sending this to you except maybe I just need to express myself to someone who doesn’t know me. I feel guilty burdening my relatives and friends all the time with my tears and my sorrow. Thank you

Scheduled Chats

Hello friends,

Would you like us to schedule chats of specific interest to you or your loss? For example, if you have lost a child, perhaps you would like to chat with others who have also lost a child. We will be happy to shedule chats of interest to you on a weekly basis, so members can talk with others who share their specific interests.

Please email us your Chat requests suggested chat times. We will then schedule the chats and send out a Chat Schedule to all members.

Suggested topics are Loss of A Child, Loss of A Spouse, Loss To Suicide, Loss of A Sibling, Loss To Violence, Loss of A Parent, etc. Other topics of interest to you are certainly welcome. This is YOUR community and your ideas and suggestions are always welcome.

Please contact me with your chat requests at support@mygriefspace.com and let’s get our free chat rooms chatting. :o)

Warm Regards,
John Pete, GC-C
MyGriefSpace.Com

April 26, 2007 The Impact of Losing a Child Dr. Esther Wender

HEALING THE GRIEVING HEART
The Impact of Losing a Child
Hosts:  Dr. Gloria Horsley and Dr. Heidi Horsley
With guest:  Esther Wender
April 26, 2007
G: Hello.  I’m Dr. Gloria Horsley with my co-host
H: Dr. Heidi Horsley.
G: Each week we welcome you to Healing the Grieving Heart, a show of hope and conversation with those who’ve suffered the loss of a loved one and for health care professionals who work in this difficult field.  As always the message is others have been there before you and made it.  You do not walk alone.  If you’re listening to our Thursday live Internet show, please join Heidi and me on the show by calling our toll free number 1-866-472-5792 with questions or comments regarding the losses in your life.  These shows are archived on our blog, www.thegriefblog.com, as well as www.thecompassionatefriends.org websites.  All shows can be downloaded on Itunes and transcripts can be accessed on www.thegriefblog.com.  Well, good morning, Heidi.
H: Good morning, mom.
G: It’s good to talk to you.
H: Good talking to you, too.
G: Virginia Tech, the massacre, they are still very much in the news and I know you’ve got some interesting insights and information about it.  First of all, did you want to talk about the counselor down there at Virginia Tech?  I thought it was interesting that you knew him. Read more

April 26, 2007 The Impact of Losing a Child Dr. Esther Wender

APRIL 26, 2007 – THE IMPACT OF LOSING A CHILD:  DR. ESTHER WENDER.  Dr. Esther Wender’s 31-year-old son, Daniel, was killed in a skydiving accident in 1996.  Nothing, including her career as a pediatrician, had prepared her for the devastation of that experience.  In 200l, Dr. Wender founded the Westchester, New York County Chapter of TCF.  Since retiring and moving to Washington State, she has found an added calling – that of teaching doctors and other health care providers about the impact of losing a child and the power of support groups.  Dr. Wender has one surviving daughter, Sara, who has taught her a great deal about what it means for one’s sibling to die.  Dr. Wender is a nationally-recognized specialist in the field of developmental and behavioral pediatrics and is an active member of the American Academy of Pediatrics. Read more

Space Between Breaths

My sister lost her husband in August 2006 to cancer. It was a terrible painful death. She hasn’t been the same. Insurance will no longer pay for counseling. She lives in Lexington. Please tell me more about “Space Between Breaths”. Is it something that may be helpful for her to attend. I will do anything! Do you have any suggestions on where I can check for free grief counseling? Thank you so much for your help.
A loving sister, Marcie

Remembrance Service

Dear Fellow Travelers, 

This has been such a tragic week and I know each of us has empathy for those who lost loved ones at Virginia Tech.  Here on campus, we have had several services of remembrance and I wanted to share one of those services with you which is on the website.  Yesterday was the 8th anniversary of those murdered in Columbine and the day before was the anniversary of those killed in Oklahoma .   

I encourage all of you to continue to pray for the families and also pray for our schools and colleges and our young people. 

Love and peace from a fellow traveler,

Dinah

http://www.ucumberlands.edu/lamentations/

 

Losing a Child and a Firefighter Husband 9/11

HEALING THE GRIEVING HEART
Losing a Child and a Firefighter Husband 9/11
Hosts:  Dr. Gloria Horsley and Dr. Heidi Horsley
With guest:  Anne Byrnes
April 19, 2007
G: Hello.  I’m Dr. Gloria Horsley with my co-host
H: Dr. Heidi Horsley.
G: Each week we welcome you to Healing the Grieving Heart, a show of hope and conversation with those who’ve suffered the loss of a loved one and for health care professionals who work in this difficult field.  As always the message is others have been there before you and made it.  So can you.  You do not walk alone.  If you’re listening to our Thursday live Internet show, please join Heidi and me on the show by calling our toll free number 1-866-472-5792 with questions or comments regarding the losses in your life.  These shows are archived on our blog, www.thegriefblog.com, as well as www.thecompassionatefriends.org websites.  All shows can be downloaded through Itunes and transcripts can be accessed on www.thegriefblog.com.  Good morning, Heidi. Read more

April 19, 2007 Losing A Child and a Firefighter Husband in the Aftermath of 9/11 Broken Heart/Broken Health: Anne Byrnes

APRIL 19, 2007 - LOSING A CHILD AND A FIREFIGHTER HUSBAND IN THE AFTERMATH OF 9/11 BROKEN HEART/BROKEN HEALTH:  ANNE BYRNES.  For many years Anne had an idyllic life. She was happily married and had 4 healthy children. That changed when her son Jimmy was killed in a crash in 1984. While working full time, she facilitated support groups, got her Masters in Counseling and developed spiritual retreats for bereaved parents. Her journey led to Calvary Hospital where she became Director of Bereavement Services until the death of her husband Kevin; a New York City fire chief Anne’s an author, avid golfer and volunteers her time in bereavement services. Read more

In the Aftermath of Virginia Tech.

My heart goes out to the families and friends of those killed at Virginia Tech. on Monday.  This is truly a horrific tragedy.  I know you are suffering and in a great deal of pain, you hurt so much because you loved so much.  My thoughts and prayers are with all those impacted by this event, and I hope you will find some peace and comfort in the support of those around you.
Sincerely,
Dr. Heidi

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