The sudden loss of a loved one to suicide creates ripples that affect families in profound ways. In a moving conversation on the Open to Hope podcast, Vanessa Francis shares her journey of healing and transformation following the unexpected loss of her husband Rick to suicide in March 2016.
An Unexpected Turn
Vanessa and Rick’s love story began through a matchmaker in 1994, leading to nearly 20 years of marriage and the adoption of their daughter. Rick, described by colleagues as “jovial” with a quick wit, showed no obvious signs of depression. The morning of his death began like any other – with a family breakfast before Vanessa and their daughter left for the day. When they returned, Rick was gone.
“He wasn’t diagnosed with depression at all,” Vanessa explains. “We didn’t see anything coming. It was completely out of the blue.” Even Rick’s doctor confirmed he had never discussed mental health concerns during his visits.
Navigating the Unique Challenges of Suicide Loss
The aftermath of suicide loss presents distinct challenges compared to other forms of sudden death. Survivors often grapple with questions about why it happened and whether they missed warning signs. For Vanessa, this manifested as an internal struggle with guilt and self-doubt.
“You have all those questions about the why. I think that is the big thing – why and how did I miss the clues.”
Finding Healing Through Multiple Pathways
Vanessa’s healing journey incorporated several key elements:
- Immediate support from family and close friends
- Consistent therapy sessions, which continue eight years later
- Hot yoga practice, which helped process trauma stored in the body
- Involvement with Camp Widow and Soaring Spirits Canada
The practice of hot yoga became particularly significant in Vanessa’s healing process. “I really believe trauma is held in your body,” she shares. “There’s something about being in that hot room, getting all those toxins out, getting all that bad energy out and getting in touch with yourself.”
Parenting Through Grief
Raising a teenage daughter while processing her own grief presented unique challenges. Vanessa’s daughter, who was 13 at the time of Rick’s death, had pre-existing mental health concerns. This required careful navigation of both their grief journeys.
“The high school years were difficult for us, but we made it through,” Vanessa reflects. Her daughter, now 22, has found her way to healing and is thriving, though the path was not always straightforward.
New Chapters and Hope
In 2019, Vanessa met Greg, also a widower, at a meetup event. Together, they volunteer with Soaring Spirits Canada, helping others navigate loss and find meaning in tragedy. Their shared experience has created a deep understanding and connection.
Through her volunteer work with Heartache to Hope and Soaring Spirits Canada, Vanessa has become an advocate for suicide loss awareness and support. She now openly shares her story on social media, working to reduce the stigma surrounding suicide and mental health.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: How can someone support a friend who has lost a loved one to suicide?
The most important thing is to be present and listen without judgment. Create a safe space where they can share their feelings and memories. Practical support with daily tasks can also be invaluable during the early stages of grief.
Q: What resources are available for people who have lost someone to suicide?
Organizations like Heartache to Hope and Soaring Spirits offer support groups and programs specifically for suicide loss survivors. Professional therapy, grief counseling, and local support groups can provide additional assistance in processing the loss.
Q: How long should someone wait before considering dating after losing a spouse?
There is no set timeline for dating after loss. Everyone’s journey is different. Vanessa waited two years before considering dating again. The most important factor is feeling emotionally ready to open your heart to new connections while honoring your past relationship.
Read more about child loss: Kathleen Gilbert: Couples Coping with Child Loss – Open to Hope
Visit Dr. Gloria Horsley’s author page on Amazon: Amazon.com: Dr. Gloria Horsley: books, biography, latest update