A wise person once said that ‘grieving is not the same as loving.’ And I believe that once we truly understand and accept that, we can begin to heal. (John Pete, GC-C)

I was recently asked what I believed the difference was between spirituality and religion. I view religion as a set of beliefs grounded in traditions that can be learned and practiced. And I view spirituality as the internal force that connects our ability to feel with our ability to reason, and which often drives us to explore our existence and purpose.

Death is a part of our journey, and grief is how we cope. There is no easy way around grief, nor should there be because without it we would likely be unable to slowly heal our emotional wounds. So, while it is often a long and difficult journey, it is very necessary in order to slowly accept and adjust to what happened; and then find ways to adjust our lives in the absence of a loved one with then knowledge that death will come to us all one day.

There are things about grief that we can and cannot control, and it helps to understand the difference in order to respond in a manner than promotes personal healing. For example, I cannot turn my pain on and off, and I cannot easily fill the empty void that has been created in my life and my heart. I can, however, help myself to understand what has occurred by reading about similar losses and grief; by talking about my loss and how it has affected my life; and by sharing my journey with others who are willing to invest themselves and be supportive without judging what I am going though.

We do have choices when confronted with grief – choices that can give us back some much-needed control in our lives. The only way grief eventually diminishes is to journey through, and with that in mind we can choose to be a proactive part of our healing. How we mark the miles of our personal journey with grief is a series of choices that all of us make along the way, and affects the outcome.

My first experiences with loss brought me confusion, anger and a ‘need’ to linger in my pain, in a misguided attempt to keep a living connection to my loved ones. Admittedly this does not seem like the most desirable response to a loss, but it was a part of my own journey and how I worked through my pain and learned from my losses (and still do). Along the way I learned that in order to find peace and healing, I had to allow my connection to my loved one to evolve into something else; a new way to remember loved ones. It did not mean letting go of my loved ones or my love for them, it meant letting go of the living connection to them. A wise person once said that ‘grieving is not the same as loving.’ And I believe that once we understand and accept that, we can truly begin to heal.

Grief is a spiritual journey that will come to most of us in our lifetime. I strive to let my journey make me a better and more learned and understanding person. And that is irrefutably a road worth traveling.

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John Pete, GC-C, is Founder of http://www.MyGriefSpace.Net