A Very Brief History of Crying

In American pre-Victorian times (1700s-1800s), the expectation was that of moderation. That is, if you cried too much, it signified an excessive focus on the here and now and too little faith in the world beyond. In the Victorian age, people saw death as failure of medicine and loss of ties with family, which prompted many tears. Grief became expressive and often excessive.

In the early 1900s, the emergence of World War I brought renewed restraint. Crying was considered a backward-looking emotion. Maintaining a “stiff upper lip” became the expectation in American society.

Today, crying has many messages. Men are encouraged to cry but when they do, no one knows how to respond. Women who don’t cry may be considered to be “cold and uncaring.”

Crying in public is tolerable as long as we look like we are trying not to; but public crying is still less acceptable than crying in private. Often, we don’t know what to do when someone starts to cry…Pat? Hug? Offer a tissue? Pretend not to notice? Or just let them cry?

Excerpted from The Crying Handbook: Bob Baugher, Ph.D., Darcie Sims, Ph.D.: 9780963597564: Amazon.com: Books

Bob Baugher

Bob Baugher, Ph.D., is a recently retired Psychology Professor from Highline College in Des Moines, Washington where he taught courses in Psychology and Death Education. As a trainer for LivingWorks he has trained more than 1,500 people in suicide intervention. He has given more than 900 workshops on grief and loss. In addition, he is the professional advisor to the South King County Chapter of The Compassionate Friends and the local widows’ organization: Widowed Information & Consultation Services. He earned a certificate in Thanatology from the Association for Death Education and Counseling. Bob has written more than 100 articles and seven books on the bereavement process. Visit his website at: http://www.bobbaugher.com. Dr. Baugher appeared on the radio show “Healing the Grieving Heart” with Dr. Gloria & Dr. Heidi Horsley to discuss Coping with Anger and Guilt After a Loss.