I am a 32yr old Widow. I was almost 28 at the time of my husbands death due to a tragic car accident and just into my third month of marriage. This September would be a celebration of our 5yr wedding anniversary. Although, it is only July, I am having bitter-sweet memories & tear as that was the happiest day of my life. I was told by a friend last week that I basically shouldn’ be crying anymore! What??? The tears/sadness aren’t like they used to be, my pain is less often than the one year, two year, etc. I am getting out and wanting to meet men again, but I know I will always remember my husband. We were together many years before marrying and it isn’t something I can pretend didn’t happen. Right? I attended a grief group, counselors, specialists, etc. I know it’s ok to remember him and say his name. However his family doesnâ’ see it that way. I really don’t have much connection with our circle of friend couples either. I would just like to hear what someone from the outside has to say. I told my friend that I would never wish this on anyone, but you don’t know how I’m supposed to react until you’ve walked in my shoes. Believe me, I have made great progress & smile when I have a memory of him, etc. I was so lucky to have been his wife, even if it was for a little while. Thank you!
Tags: grief, hope
Abel Keogh
Abel is the author of the relationship guides Dating a Widower: Starting a Relationship with a Man Who's Starting Over and Marrying a Widower: What You Need to Know Before Tying the Knot as well as several other books. During the day, Abel works in corporate marketing for a technology company. His main responsibilities include making computers and software sound super sexy, coding websites, and herding cats. Abel and his wife live somewhere in the beautiful state of Utah and, as citizens of the Beehive State, are parents of the requisite five children.
Hi I understand what you are saying I lost my partner and father to my children in May this year he was only 37 and im only 30 we were together 4 years and were getting married next year.I will always love Mick and talk about him whenever I want to and yes there will be tears now and again no matter how many years go by.Poeple have to understand when you split with someone yes its upsetting but you could talk to that person if you wanted to or see them.We cant even do that its the finality of it all that is upsetting we know there is no hope of that in this life.So i do understand thankyou for your message.
It’s almost like a relief to read thoughts from another person that I can actually relate to. Sometimes you get tired of explaining yourself to those who couldn’t possibly understand what you are feeling because they haven’t experienced what you have experienced. I was widowed at age 28, I am now 31. I lost my husband in March 2005 to a car accident on our oldest daughter’s 13th birthday. I was actually searching for grieving counselors for her when I came across this site (very glad I found it). My husband and I were also together for some time before we got married…our total time together was 15 years. We have four beautiful children, 2 girls and 2 boys. We talk about him often, still laugh at the things he said or did, we will NEVER forget him regardless of how much time passes. I still cry at times, mostly when the kids make accomplishments because I can’t help but get upset that he is not here to physically witness these things and hug them for a job well done. I say physically, because we strongly believe that he is and always will be with us in some form, because we feel him. I can go on and on, but I basically just wanted to comment to “A Widow Shares”. You ARE lucky to have been his wife, as I am lucky to have been my husband’s wife, because we are the ones who gave them the wonderful experience of marriage. Stay encouraged and take care of yourself.
Thank you,
Anika
I am sorry for your loss, but as you say people who have not experienced this loss do not understand, and I hope they never have to experience it. I am a widow of four years and I have three boys, and that in itself was a whole other issue of concern, how my kids reacted. We are all finally starting to see light, but there are still the tough days. Friends fell by the wayside, couples you used to do things with together, it’s just the way it happens. Others just have no clue, and sometimes even family hasn’t a clue, but we all do the best we can. May you be blessed.