Ir’s almost like a relief to read thoughts from another person that I can actually relate to. Sometimes you get tired of explaining yourself to those who couldn’t possibly understand what you are feeling because they haven’t experienced what you have experienced. I was widowed at age 28, I am now 31. I lost my husband in March 2005 to a car accident on our oldest daughter’s 13th birthday. I was actually searching for grieving counselors for her when I came across this site (very glad I found it).
My husband and I were also together for some time before we got married — our total time together was 15 years. We have four beautiful children, two girls and two boys. We talk about him often, still laugh at the things he said or did, we will NEVER forget him regardless of how much time passes. I still cry at times, mostly when the kids make accomplishments because I can’t help but get upset that he is not here to physically witness these things and hug them for a job well done. I say physically, because we strongly believe that he is and always will be with us in some form, because we feel him. I am lucky to have been my husband’s wife, because we are the ones who gave them the wonderful experience of marriage. Stay encouraged and take care of yourself.
Thank you,
Anika
Dear Anika,
Thank you for reaching out with compassion and understanding and thank you for sharing your story with us and the readers.
We are so very sorry for your loss and know that no words can give you the comfort you need. While it has been two years, please know there is no time limit to grief and everyone grieves in their own time and their own way. We encourage you to be gentle with yourself as the healing continues.
We hope you were able to find a professional grief counselor for your daughter. If you were not, you might contact your local hospice or your church for recommendations. You are very wise to seek help for her. Being a teen is hard enough and losing her father makes it even more so.
Sincerely,
Drs. Gloria and Heidi Horsley
Tags: Depression, grief, hope, signs and connections
My husband passed away May 2005 and I understand what Anika is going though!My husband had Pancreatic cancer and we only had 9 month after we found out he had it!We were together 31yrs before he left us.I have 2 kids, which are both grown and they have there own children! My daughter which is 31 has had a very hard time dealing with the death of her dad.I am so glad i dicovered this website I will E-mail her and hopefully it will help.To all widows, your memories of you spouse or any loved one will always be there and no one can take that from you!!!! Joyce
I just lost my husband of 25 years to liver cancer, October 2008, lived for 6 months after he was diagnosed. I cry day and night because I miss him so much. He was my world and I don’t think I can cope with his death!!! We were the best of friends and we never went any where withoout each other, we were inseperable. We have a 17 year old son, who I have to sleep with every night in order to be able to close my eyes at night, he is also so devestated. I’d give anything to be able to hold him, hear his amazing voice, and kiss him once more…it hurts soooo bad!!!!!!
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I am sorry for your loss, and your sharing your story will help others. I am a widow of almost five years, with three boys, and I understand what you are experiencing. In time, joy does come back to us more and more. I wish you the best. elaine
My husband and I were together for 22 years. He was diagnosed in Feb. 2007. He died 10 weeks later. May 1,2007. Our chlldren were 5 and 9 when he died. They are now 7 and 11. We are coming up on 2 years and it still feels like yesterday to me. I try for the kids. I just feel empty inside. My 7 year old is a boy..he is sooo angry still, he has beent counseling and grief groups. But his anger at times is so bad. He doesnt hurt anyone. He just has quite the temper. We lost Paul so quickly. It still hurts so bad. I cry at the drop os a hat. Noone understandsme. They tell me “He is in a better place” well yeah, however our kids needed him here. They needed him. I needed him. My son, how is he supposed to learn to be a man. He will only sleep with me, he says its his job to take care of me, He is 7, how do I explain to him that he needs to be a little boy, I can take care of myself..I try and he says daddy would never let you sleep alone..so I won’t either. My 11 year old is a girl. She is the quiet one. She cries alot in her sleep. anyone have advice for me?
my mom is very sad every day somtimes
I recently lost my husband to Leukemia. he was diagnosed in October of 2008 and almost 5 months to the day he lost his battle. He died on March 9, 2009. He was only 32. I am lost to put it gently. We were together for just about 15 years and married for over 8 1/2 yrs. We have two small children ages 6 and 3. There is no fairness in any of this. Brent was more than a husband and a father. He was my best friend, my soulmate, my protector, my rock my everything. I would give anything to have him back. Cancer has taken so much from my family. I do not know how to go on. Our family link has been broken. The four of us did everything together. It is hard to find the joy in going on. My children do not let me stop and for that in some ways I am greatful. The foreverness of death is so hard to accept. People tell me time will help. How? My life was meant to be spent with Brent. Not just part of it! How do you start over at 33. My crazy but normal life is gone. My life is over in many ways. How do I rethink what the future now holds for me and the kids. Cancer teaches one not to plan for the future. Cancer teaches one to live for today. Today is scary. What does my future hold?
Stacy, I am so sorry for your loss. I am going through a similar situation with my fiance who I proposed to 6 months ago. She is 33 (and I 32) and was just recently diagnosed with stage 4 vaginal cancer. I left my job 2 months ago to become her full time caregiver and I am unbelievably scared to watch her deteriorate over time. I never knew how emotionally painful cancer could be. I don’t understand why this is happening to us as it has happened to you. My only temporary sense of relief has been through talking. I am very scared of the future.
I recently lost my husband 6 months ago from a battle with prostate cancer that metasisized to his bones. From the day he was diagnosed he lived 18 months. I was married to him for 33 years and he was my whole world. I loved him so much and miss him so much. It seems as though everyone that was around me while he was sick and after his passing were here. Now they are all involved in their own lives expect for one or two who still are here for me. It is so sad to me to watch people leave me at this time. My husband always said alls I needed was him a and my kids, I guess its true but now he is gone and what do I do. I go day by day and feel lost but keep going for my kids. 27 year old and a 17 year old. My daughter is graduating and moving onto college and he is not here. He loved us so much and fought so much to live. Cancer is a very devistating disease and all who has experienced knows. The ones who have not should realize what is important in life and how precious it is, it can be taken away in a flash. Where is my life without my love? I miss him so much, he was my lover, my friend, my sole mate, my strength, everything – cannot be put into words.
I am so sorry for anyone who has lost a loved a spouse. This is a very horrible thing and no one understands unless they have been through it.
Five months, 16 days ago I lost my husband. We were married for over 35 years. It is so hard to see other people go on with their lives. While I am living in a nightmare. Death is so final. One minute we were wrapping gifts and next he was gone. It has gotten better, but will never be good without him. To just talk to him one more time. To see him. To hold him. To love him one more time. I had him for 35 years, it was more than most people have. One day we will be together.
Shattered heart.
I lost my wife to breast cancer appox one month ago—she was only 34–we had a great life together—-were married for 11 years—together for 16. We have 2 kids ages 5 and 2.
Complicating her illness was that it was misdiagnosed by many of the providers -(MDs) I work with—-I had pushed for a FNA or MRI over one year ago—–I was told that I was over reacting at the time. I also work in healthcare and have alot of guilt that I am not sure how to deal with–I should have done much more—-though I had relied on my colleges who let me down—-She saw 3 doctors for a breast lump and was told that it was scar tissue from mastitis.
Now I am in the middle of a malpractice law suite against my former employer and boss—-they of course laid me off—-not sure I could work there anyway anymore.
I feel like I am starting over at age 36—-not sure where to go or what to do.
I am so glad to have found this site, though it makes me so sad to hear so many stories of loss.
I lost my wife of 16 years to breast cancer less than a month ago – June 30. She was only 39.
She fought it for almost 4 years from her diagnosis. We have 4 children, 3 girls, 13, 12, and 10, and a son who’s only 3. They are carrying on as strong as they can, but I can tell the 10-year old girl is struggling the most.
I am also lost like all of you. It’s going to be hard for a long time, because I’ve lost a big part of myself, and life will never ever be the same. At the same time, life goes on, and I have 4 kids I need to continue to raise the way she would’ve wanted me to.
I lost my husband a month ago today to extraskeletal osteosarcoma. He suffered through chemo, radiation and 12 surgeries for 2 years before it spread ( on chemo ) and HE made the decision to choose Hospice. He was 47. The grief is unbearable at times, but I find solice in the fact that caring for him at home, made his last days bearable. I take comfort in the fact that I am not alone.
I lost my partner on the 25th September 2009.
We had only been together for two years and were not married. I had previously been married for ten years to the father of my two children and it was ffteen years before I had another relationship. That was when I found my soul mate.
It is so hard because every one seems to think that because the time was shorter and because we were not married that the loss is some how less. I don’t know, maybe it is…I couldn’t imaging it feeling worse. He knew more about me in two years than my husband knew in a decade. He still is the one who knows more about me than my best friend and even family.
I feel like I have lost my best friend, my anchor, everyhting.
We had talked the week before he died about wanting to grow old together. His childre, after he died, just thought we would get married and live happikly ever after.
He died suddenly, and I found him and I have experienced many losses from quite an early age but have never felt anything like this. Every morning when I open my eyes I cry because I can’t see him. Everynight before I go to sleep I cry because we can’t hold each other. I feel like I have lost my future and dreams and my chance at happiness.
I am very sorry for the loss that all of you have experienced. But my question is “is it many years and marriage” that makes the loss more or is the quality of what you have experienced with the time you have had? He was more than my ‘husband’ ever was in a much shorter space of time.
I get the feeling that some people do not feel that I have the right to feel the loss as much as I do. Which in some ways negates what it is that we felt with each other. We both made each other feel like we were finally home.
I do not have anyone, other than my partners mother, know the experience of losing the person that you are closest to. But as others have stated, I have to go on. I have my two children, his three children and three grandchildren and they all still need me. And I need them. It is just harder with meing the only big person when some days I feel so little and empty. Thanks for listening.
I lost my dear husband last year. It was just one year after our marriage. He was 32 when he passed away all of a sudden due to massive cardiac arrest. It was a usual day and he went to the doctor saying he had gastric problem and i was at home cooking our lunch. I got a call from the hospital that i need to be there as it is an emergency. I did not know what to do and i went there. I asked the doctors where is my husband….they asked me to relax and took me to a place….and it was to the mortuary…i was SHOCKED….i did not know what to do…what happended….they showed me his body and i was feeling totally mad…dont know how to express that shock…when i saw my love, my soulmate lying like this all of a sudden…only thing life has taught me is that I am unfortunate….very unfortunate…am just praying God everyday, everyminute to take me where my husband has gone…i need to talk to him..tell him lot of things, do a lot of things…ask a lot of things…why did God do this to me?
I am asking all of my friends (and friends of friends) to help me support a child cancer foundation that I really believe in.
It is a facebook contest at http://bit.ly/crkrEE and the name of the foundation is called The Seany Foundation (their site is at http://www.theseanyfoundation.org/).
Seany died of Ewing’s Sarcoma cancer a few years ago and he was a teenager. I knew Seany and promised his family I would help where I could. Chase Bank is having a charity contest ending in about 6 days and if you could VOTE (it is free to vote) with your facebook account AND post it to your facebook wall, I would really, really appreciate it. http://bit.ly/crkrEE