Child-loss is so very devastating. In the beginning, you can find little or no joy. But after several months, I was able to feel some comfort. So I tried to zero in on that and do things that would relive my stress and bring me some comfort. I know my beloved daughter would want that for me.
Today, I had a total Me Day, which I have really needed. I went to have a spa pedicure and manicure. I have always had regular pedicures, but never a spa pedicure. My daughter’s best friend recommended a salon for me. So I woke up today and thought, OK, Louise, go have yourself a Me Day. For anyone one who has never has a spa pedicure, I would highly recommend it.
It was a beautiful shop and they sat me in a high-back chair, turned on the back massager, and placed my feet in a wonderful warm whirlpool bath
I just closed my eyes and could feel the stress leave my body. I felt so much contentment as they massaged my arms and legs and applied the hot parifax wax to my feet. They put wonderful hot towels on my legs, and all I could think to myself was all bereaved parents need to treat themselves to this — and I mean dads too.
There was a husband and wife who came in together, so men do get spa pedicures. I told my husband that next time, he is getting one with me. He hasn’t agreed just yet, but I’m working on that.
The nail lady even hand-drew a pretty design on my two big toes. I felt so good and comforted afterwards. I drove myself to a shoe store and brought two cute sandals, something I have not done in a long time.
My wish for all grieving parents is to be very gentle with yourself and do try to seek out comfort for you and a spa pedicure is a lot healthier than some other choices we can make. After all the sadness, heartache and sorrow we have all been through and are still going through, we at least deserve some relaxation.
Truth be told, I had to push myself to leave the house today to have this done and, of course, even after four years, I still have feelings of guilt. Why should I seek out any kind of comfort or joy with my beloved daughter deceased. If my daughter was still alive, I know without a doubt she would have been there right next to me getting a pedicure. In a way, she was there, for I carry her where ever I go.
Now it is time for you to take your Me Day. Do whatever makes you feel pampered. Wouldn’t our children want this for us?
Tags: grief, hope
This is a lovely idea for a non-fattening indulgence. :} It can be so hard to be kind to yourself after losing a child, though. Guilt can make it all but impossible. I tell myself that my son knew how loved he was and how I tried my best to comfort and help him in his last hours, and that he always forgave my parental failings. It would be so awful for him to see me in pain. When I have a hard moment, it comforts me to think of him at my side holding me up with his hand around my waist. “Hold me up, son”, I ask him, and he does. Then I can try to do something gentle for myself.
Dear Sandy
Thank you for your comment
I am so very sorry you lost your son
holding you close to my heart
HUGS…..
Thanks for your post. I lost my only child, my son, last summer, to a sudden illness. He was 29. It is still very hard, and I’ve been working at being good to myself. I was widowed years ago, so it’s been a very lonely thing. I mean – his extended family loved him, but no one feels it the way I do.
I wish you all the best in your continuing recovery.
Dear Mary
I am so sorry you lost your child and you are so right
No-one really knows how hard it is more then the parents
Holding you close to my heart always….
Dear Louise,
I found your comment about “guilt feelings” and “why would I seek out any kind of comfort our joy” when your beloved daughter had died, clanging in my ears. It has been three years since my son, my only child, passed away. I struggle daily with immense guilt when I experience any kind of pleasure. I have a very hard time reconciling the experience of joy or pleasure with my loss. It seems contradictory at best. I am learning that my subconscious desire to survive is stronger than my conscious desire to grieve and even that causes me conflict. I was beginning to believe that this was all unique to me, but it seems it is not. So there is comfort in knowing this. I am dealing with multiple losses, as my husband of only 14 months passed away just shortly after my 20 year old son. Recently, God has seen fit to enhance my life with a very special man in the midst of all this grief, and while I am grateful for the opportunity to be loved and begin to love again, the struggle still remains,
I wish you well on your journey of recovery.
Susan
Dear Susan
I am so sorry for the loss of your only child and your husband.
It is so important to stay connected to those that know and understand.
Sending you many HUGS..
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