No, you’re not.

Bad caregivers don’t seek out blogs on caregiving.

They don’t attend caregiving seminars and workshops.

They don’t worry about how they’re treating their loved ones.

Bad caregivers feel completely justified in their actions.

So, lay that aside.

If you lost your temper, it’s okay.

Make a plan on how to avoid it in the future.

Make a plan on how NOT to let your loved one push your buttons.

You were probably sleep deprived, exhausted, hungry, your back hurt, you were tired of dealing with all the layers of responsibilities that caregiving brings–and your loved one manipulated you, goaded you, or refused to cooperate. Still, it may be time to assess where you are–if you’ve picked up any bad habits. Verbal abuse is the most common, and it’s an easy trap to fall into. We all get frustrated.

How do I know when I’ve taken it too far?

Once or twice is an isolated incidence, but can you look back over the past three or four months and realize your tone, your demeanor has taken on a different slant?

Would you be embarrassed to have anyone hear you or see how you treat your loved one?

Are you so isolated that no one is around to see?

It’s time to make a plan.

You grabbed them too hard. Gritted your teeth. Threw something. Let that go now.

Say you’re sorry and mean it.

These were?warning signs, so heed the warning.

Do you need more help? Do you need respite–a weekend off?

It’s no longer a luxury, it’s a necessity–it’ll save your health and your relationship.

You might even need to put them in a care facility. You might be at the end of your rope. That’s okay if that’s true. You’ve done so much already. You’ve really, really tried and this is really really hard.

My mother had Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s, so I know. I went to my bitter edge. And yes, we had some rough times. One time, my mother dug her nails into my arm. I had to pray each one back–while I was in excruciating pain–and she was screaming her lungs out–and I was bleeding.

I thought I’d lose it that day.

I thought I would, but I’m blessed that I had my daughters in the house. I couldn’t.

I couldn’t go ballistic. But I also knew that I couldn’t keep this up.

I couldn’t let this happen–to me–or to them.  So yes, there are times when you simply can’t manage your loved one at home any more.

This doesn’t make you a failure.

Some diseases are monsters and they take our loved ones from us.

Abuse of the elderly is a serious problem–close to a million cases are reported each year, and many, many more are never brought to light. While family abuse does happen, many times, abuse is by those who are in the elder-care field.

Let’s face it, this isn’t a high paying field, and it’s easy to prey on someone who is physically or mentally vulnerable.  This is why it’s so, so important to stay involved with your loved one’s care.

It’s crucial.

Most people don’t realize this, but for some positions in the elder field, employees can have a certain amount and level of past criminal charges. This is a legal and a widespread practice.

I am all for rehabilitation. I’m just not sure that placing someone with a criminal background in an environment with little supervision, dealing with vulnerable people is such a good idea. It’s sad that we pay sports demi-gods huge salaries while caring for our children and our elders gets so little remuneration–or respect. Don’t get me started.

Someone who is abused may act or show signs in the following ways:

Signs and symptoms of specific types of abuse