When Britney DeSantis lost her father at age 13, she found solace in an unexpected gift – a journal. Two decades later, this simple act of putting pen to paper has evolved into a powerful healing journey that has touched thousands of lives. Through her business, Peak Paper Company, DeSantis has taught calligraphy, watercolor, and journaling to over 50,000 people worldwide.

In a recent Open to Hope Conversations podcast interview with Dr. Heidi Horsley, DeSantis shared insights from her personal grief journey and discussed her award-winning guided grief journal, “Forget You Not.” The journal, which hit Amazon’s #1 most gifted spot, combines DeSantis’s artistic talents with therapeutic writing techniques to help others process their grief.

The Evolution of Grief Through Life Stages

DeSantis’s experience illustrates how grief transforms over time, particularly when losing a parent at a young age. From missing her father at her eighth-grade graduation to his absence at her wedding, each milestone brought new dimensions to her loss. A significant resurgence of grief occurred during her pregnancy in 2021, manifesting as anger about her father never meeting his granddaughter.

During therapy, DeSantis gained a crucial insight when her therapist told her, “You will still be an 80-year-old woman who misses your dad, but it doesn’t have to feel gut-wrenching.” This perspective helped her accept that ongoing grief is normal and doesn’t diminish over time – it transforms.

The Power of Mindful Writing

DeSantis emphasizes the importance of mindfulness in grief writing. The process of writing becomes a form of monotasking, allowing individuals to stay present by focusing on sensory experiences like:

• The sound of pen meeting paper
• The flow of ink across the page
• Synchronizing breathing with writing movements

This mindful approach helps establish a baseline of calm before exploring deeper emotions. Research shows that expressing emotions through writing can reduce their intensity both in the moment and during future recurrences.

Creating Living Memories

One powerful way DeSantis honors her father’s memory is by creating tangible connections for future generations. She discovered her father’s first communion card to her, which read, “You are a very special girl. The love within you is felt by all those around you.” She had it professionally framed and placed it in her daughter’s nursery – a bridge between generations who never met.

The journal encourages readers to collect stories from family and friends, creating a fuller picture of their loved one through different perspectives. This process helps preserve memories and creates an heirloom for future generations.

Self-Discovery Through Loss

The final section of DeSantis’s journal addresses the fundamental question: “Who am I now?” This reflection acknowledges how loss changes our perception of life and death. Drawing from Dr. Louis Tonkin’s theory, DeSantis explains how people grow around their grief rather than getting over it.

For those supporting grieving teenagers, DeSantis stresses that perfect expression isn’t necessary. “We don’t have to have any answers or perfect sentences or beautiful prose,” she states. “We just need to slow down and put pen to paper.” The act of expression itself, whether through writing, painting, or drawing, can provide relief and healing.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: How long should someone wait before starting a grief journal?

There’s no set timeline for when to start journaling after a loss. Some people find comfort in writing immediately, while others may need more time. The journal can be approached at your own pace, taking what resonates and leaving what doesn’t for when you feel ready.

Q: Can creative expression really help with grief processing?

Scientific research supports that creative expression, whether through writing, painting, or drawing, can reduce stress responses and lower heart rate. These activities provide a healthy outlet for processing emotions and can bring clarity during overwhelming periods of grief.

Q: How can parents help teenagers who are grieving the loss of a parent?

Parents can encourage creative expression without pressure for perfection. Simple activities like writing on sticky notes or drawing can help teens process their emotions. It’s important to validate their feelings and provide various outlets for expression, whether private or shared.

See more from Dr. Heidi Horsley: Siblings Forgotten Mourners – Open to Hope

See Dr. Horsley’s author page on Amazon: Amazon.com: Heidi Horsley: books, biography, latest update