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‘Our Marriage Would Hold Us’: Family after Child-Loss

Posted on December 17, 2022 - by Sherry Cassedy

Fog of Disbelief The morning after our son’s accident, my husband Matt and I sat with the neurosurgeon in a small reception room off the hospital trauma unit. He explained brain stem death and Timmy’s inability to recover. I was listening intently through a fog of disbelief. I needed to understand exactly what had happened to my son, grasping for any straw of hope. The doctor was taking great pains to answer all of our questions, wanting to provide some comfort. At some point, he stopped, nodded toward Matt, and quietly asked me, “Is he going to be okay?” I […]

Marriage after Child-Loss: Enduring the Worst Together

Posted on December 15, 2022 - by Sherry Cassedy

The Call It is the call in the middle of the night that every parent dreads. Like other parents, I had carried a constant prayer in my heart for 30 years to keep my children safe. At 3:15 a.m. one Sunday morning, the gentle harp tone of my cell phone startled me out of a deep sleep. I answered before I had fully awakened. “Hello?” “Sherry, hey. This is Brian. Uh, Timmy had an accident. It’s pretty bad.” Blinking fog from my brain, I said, “What happened? Where are you?” Seeing me bolt upright in the bed, Matt rose from […]

Avoiding the ‘Holiday Rabbit Hole’

Posted on December 13, 2022 - by Nina Impala

The Holiday Rabbit Hole The other night I was just feeling down thinking of sad things, missing my mom and dad. Being a senior now in my 60’s, death seems to present itself more often than I would like. An older family member recently passed in her 90’s, she lived a long life. She let us know she was ready to be with her husband and her son. It’s easy to go down the Holiday Rabbit Hole. In my family, there is only one left from that generation, the next generation is in line, and I don’t really want to […]

Coping With the Loss of a Beloved Pet

Posted on December 11, 2022 - by Jacqui Coombe

Introduction Our animal family members provide us with joy, loyalty, and unconditional love. The loss of a beloved pet can be an excruciating experience. Despite that, our society can trivialise or even mock the extreme grief that many pet owners suffer during their bereavement. This sadness can be as intense as the loss of a partner, close relative, or friend. As research suggests, grief at the passing of a pet can last for months to a year or longer. Due to the fact most pets don’t live as long as their human owners, most owners will experience the loss of […]

It IS Possible To Survive Christmas While Grieving

Posted on December 9, 2022 - by Linda Zelik

Surviving Christmas While Grieving Surviving Christmas, supposedly the most joyous day of the year, without our beloved 24-year-old son seemed impossible. However, I did survive and it turned out not to be as bad as I’d anticipated. Unfortunately, the day doesn’t simply go away because you are grieving. There are so many family traditions including gatherings, meals, cards, gifts, and decorations that are expected. It is possible, and definitely recommended, to streamline the events as much as possible. But when it comes to younger children, or close family, it can’t be totally cancelled. In the beginning, I couldn’t imagine enjoying […]

Missed Miscarriage

Posted on December 8, 2022 - by Colette Kenny Verdes

What is a Missed Miscarriage? Two years ago this week, I got pregnant. Sometime that June, at my 9-week doctor’s appointment, I would find out that I had “a missed miscarriage.” I had never heard of this term before except for a few days before the appointment. I was thumbing through my What to Expect When You’re Expecting book and found this description: “A missed miscarriage, which is very rare, is when the embryo or fetus dies but continues to stay in the uterus. Often the only signs of a missed miscarriage are the loss of all pregnancy symptoms. Confirmation […]

How My Holidays Evolved

Posted on December 5, 2022 - by Peggy Bell

How My Holidays Evolved I remember the first time the holidays came around after my husband’s passing. It had only been three months. My emotions were still so raw, and my mind was still trying to understand what my heart was feeling. Even though my daughters were grown, I tried to be strong for them. I didn’t want to make the holidays worse than they already were. I made the decision ahead of time that we were not going to ignore the loss, but rather keep him as a part of our holiday season. And that’s what we did. I […]

How Developmental Trauma Can Impact Grief

Posted on December 5, 2022 - by Kara Bowman

As a Marriage and Family Therapist who specializes in grief and trauma, I come across many more clients who don’t realize they have experienced developmental trauma than those who recognize it in their past. Developmental trauma is fear and powerlessness felt in many, many small moments over the course of childhood, rather than in large, easily identifiable incidents, such as car accidents or rape. Developmental trauma may occur because a parent dies or leaves and isn’t available, has an alcohol, substance or rage problem and is scary, or has a mental illness and is unpredictable or unreliable. There are other […]

Losing a Loved One Makes You Grow Up

Posted on December 3, 2022 - by Ilana Estelle

Losing a Loved One The death of a loved one may leave us struggling, not always because someone has passed, but because of the problems they leave behind. When it comes to losing a loved one, it puts us into the limelight on our own mortality, particularly when it comes to the death of a parent. Where once we had a safety net, it is easy to begin to feel vulnerable. Also, we can be left with countless unresolved issues, which can leave us with many emotions, especially anger. Losing a loved one brings with it many feelings. Sometimes we […]

Wife of Gun Victim Moves Toward Healing

Posted on December 1, 2022 - by Lois Schaffer

The following is excerpted from From Bullet to Bullhorn: Stories of Advocacy Activism and Hope, by Lois Schaffer, a compilation of stories by 18 people located in various states throughout the U.S. These stories are indicative of human resilience, turning tragedies into advocacy, activism and the preservation of life. Trenelle Gabay: Brooklyn, New York: I found love. I imagined it, visualized it to come. We met. He chased me and I caught him. He peeled down walls until I started to fall in love with him. His words: “If you fall I will catch you.” He was a poet in […]