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Pregnant After Your Mother Has Died

Posted on November 3, 2022 - by Stedman Stevens

Pregnant with First Child You are becoming a mom. After months of trying, suddenly there is news. You are pregnant. After your husband, who is the first person you want to tell? Your mother. But what if she has died? Such was the case when my adult daughter Charlotte became pregnant with her first child. She wanted to share the new journey with her mother. But her mother — my wife — had died 17 years before. Charlotte had already experienced so much pain from her mom’s early death: the “Sweet 16” celebration without Mom, high school graduation, college graduation, […]

Stay Connected with Others While Grieving

Posted on November 1, 2022 - by Peggy Bell

Wired for Connections We as humans, are social beings. We are wired for connections with other human beings. Connecting with others gives us purpose and meaning to our lives. When we genuinely connect with others, we form deep bonds and trust with those individuals. We feel seen, heard, and valued. The “reward center” in our brain lights up when we make those connections because we are doing what we are wired to do. When people are grieving, however, they many times tend to isolate themselves from the outside world. They want to be left alone, sometimes just to wrap their […]

What Comes Next After Death?

Posted on October 31, 2022 - by Greg Adams

The Next Place? Sometimes in grief support groups for adults or for teenagers, a question like this will be asked: “When you think about your special person who died, where do you imagine them to be, if anywhere? What comes next?” As you might guess, the answers are varied. Some say heaven or with God. Others say “somewhere” but are not sure where. And some don’t imagine their dead to be anywhere. In the group, we try to make safe space for people to have different feelings in their grief, different opinions about what is helpful and what is not, […]

When the Pregnancy Test Looks Bad

Posted on October 30, 2022 - by Ken Lefkowitz

The Pregnancy Test Looks Bad “The baby may be developing the same thing that caused our first baby’s death,” I informed my mother in a broken voice. My face was covered by a wet film of sweat. I was ashen underneath. When the words left my lips, my mouth swelled. I breathed heavily and erratically. I felt like my heart had stopped beating. My mother fell into the couch, slumped over. She looked at the floor and clutched her breast like someone who had been shot by an assassin. There was no blood, but she was drenched in horror. The […]

Offering Grief Support to Those in Mourning

Posted on October 28, 2022 - by Colleen Friesen

Offering Grief Support I hear many sad tales of people who suffer the loss of a loved one followed by abandonment of people who love them but don’t know how to support them during grief. I understand. Offering grief support to someone who is experiencing a major loss is more difficult than we might think. It is tempting to believe that doing something wrong is worse than doing nothing. The thought of hurting someone in grief is an agony in itself. Grief is a Lonely Place When you are living without someone who has played a significant role in your life, […]

Mothers After Suicide: Potent Memories

Posted on October 26, 2022 - by Jean Williams

Watering the Apple Tree Less than a year before he died, our son Joshua watered our apple tree often. I doubted the watering he did would help, because the tree had never given us much fruit. One morning, Joshua watered for a full hour. I shook my head and came outside to discuss the cost of his efforts. I ended my speech with, “Son, I think you’re over watering.” He kept his eyes on the spray. “What makes you think this?” I pointed at the ground. “You’re flooding the tree, and the water bill is too high.” “Mom,” Joshua said […]

Hope Fatigue: Can We Keep Hope Alive?

Posted on October 24, 2022 - by Sara Striefel

I learned a term recently that inspired a new conversation with myself and with the world around me: Hope fatigue. Hope fatigue itself isn’t new. We’ve all experienced the feeling of getting excited about the promise of change, of “better times” ahead, only to find that life seems to stay the same, or it gets darker, scarier, more uncertain. Even though we were initially excited, and maybe even inspired, what we’re left with is one more piece of evidence that, actually, things never change. Maybe they never will. And if I keep fighting to keep hope alive, even in the […]

Holiday Grief Planning May Ease the Pain

Posted on October 21, 2022 - by Dr. Peggy DeLong

As we enter the holiday season, careful planning is important for those who are dealing with a profound or recent loss. Holiday grief planning can change the season from potentially unbearable to pleasant or even joyful. Holiday Grief Planning Consider how you plan to obtain additional emotional support. If being alone is too painful, invite someone over, or accept an invitation that you might not normally accept. Let Others Know What You Need People mean well, but sometimes need to be told how to respond to you and the loss. Out of fear of saying the “wrong” thing, people sometimes […]

Coping with Holidays After Death of a Loved One

Posted on October 18, 2022 - by Dr. Peggy DeLong

The death of a loved one is a traumatic and emotionally painful experience. Coping during the holidays is a particularly difficult time for dealing with loss. Here are suggestions that may help alleviate that pain, and to foster healing and meaning. Be Fully Present Allow yourself to be fully present with your emotions and sensations. Even though grief can feel terrible and overwhelming, it is a normal reaction to death, and a healthy part of the healing process. Allow the tears to flow when you feel like crying. During grief, we sometimes experience our loved one through our senses. This […]

Blissful Memories from the Year Before a Loss

Posted on October 17, 2022 - by Colleen Friesen

I don’t know if this phenomenon is typical or atypical. In my grief journey, I try to accept what comes. I believe that God works with our psyche to chart the course of healing we need. So, typical or not – I endeavor to embrace whatever path presents itself to me. A Golden Year I hold the year stretching from Christmas 2018 (my favorite family photo below) to Christmas Eve 2019 as a golden year. Life was good; really good. I had dug into some dark corners of my past and pulled the pain into the light. That difficult work […]