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How Child-Loss Feels: A ‘Fugue of Grief’

Posted on August 28, 2022 - by Carol Smith

This is an excerpt from Crossing the River: Seven Stories That Saved My Life, a Memoir (Abrams Press, 2021), by Carol Smith I did not go to my son Christopher’s school the day the nurse came to speak. Instead, I lay fetal-like on his bed, my face pressed to his sheets. The trace scents of crayons and Band-Aids, mud and baseball leather, kept me breathing. I squeezed my eyes shut. Images clicked by like a reel in his View-Master: Christopher, riding a therapy horse, showing off his “tricks,” his arms sticking straight out, his head thrown back, laughing. Christopher, hiding […]

The Power of Being with Others in Grief

Posted on August 22, 2022 - by Judy Lipson

Like a Warm Blanket I was fortunate to attend and present at the 45th Compassionate Friends National Conference in Houston, TX, at the beginning of August 2022. Being with others in grief, especially others who had lost siblings, felt like coming home and being hugged by a warm blanket. Many emotions bubbled to the surface that I had kept dormant for decades. For silenced years about my beloved sisters Margie and Jane, the freedom and security to be open about my grief, and hearing my thoughts articulated and validated by my fellow bereaved siblings felt like a butterfly, the symbol […]

What I Didn’t Lose When My Brother Died

Posted on August 22, 2022 - by Erin Leigh Nigh

Siblings are Forever The relationship we share with our siblings can be the longest-lasting relationship we will ever have. If you’re an older sibling, you’ve likely known your brother or sister since their birth. If you’re a younger sibling, they’ve been there your entire life. There’s a good chance we might experience more life events and changes with our siblings than with anyone else. Since I am the oldest child in my family and was five years old when I first became a sibling, I remember both being an only child and the birth of each of my three siblings. […]

When Loss Strikes Early and Often

Posted on August 22, 2022 - by Skye Page

Death and Dying: Something I Know Well I remember sitting in class in college and feeling like I was absolutely thriving. I loved the content, our discussions, and the best part was that I already knew most of it. The class was a prerequisite for Child Life and was doubly labeled as a Nursing class. Its name? “Death and Dying.” When I told people I was taking this course, it was always very amusing to watch their faces scrunch up or flinch, and then the “what???” comment followed. Believe it or not, this was one of my favorite classes. If […]

Grief and My High School Reunion

Posted on August 22, 2022 - by Colleen Friesen

An Exciting Opportunity “Come on, it’ll be fun!” my best friend texted. Though I couldn’t hear her voice, I knew she was bursting with excitement at the prospect of us attending our 40-year high school reunion together. “Let’s go!” she encouraged. With a smile, I let her excitement catch the tinder of my reservations to a reluctant smolder. “I was actually planning a trip home around that time anyway. I am sure I could make it work.” “Woohoo!” she burst out, her eagerness pouncing on this opportunity with gusto. “I’m so excited!” “Really? I wasn’t sure,” I responded with a […]

Finding ‘Great Things’ in Disaster

Posted on August 22, 2022 - by Nathan Peterson

Finding ‘Great Things’ in Disaster On September 2nd, 2012, I saw a tall man with a priest collar at Aldi. When he passed me, my spirit kind of jumped – like “notice this guy”. A few seconds later he came back and asked, “are you born again?” “I’m sorry, what?” “Are you a Christian?” I said yes. He said “I thought so. I felt like I was supposed to come back and tell you, God’s about to do great things with you.” I said “Really?” He said “Yes. Be very attentive.” I thanked him and he walked away. This was […]

‘It Just Is’: Accepting Grief as it Comes

Posted on August 21, 2022 - by Nathan Peterson

Two nights ago, Olivia slept through the entire night, and the other three kids were at grandma’s. That may be the first full night of sleep we’ve had since Olivia’s birth: 400 days of sleep deprivation. Yesterday I felt superhuman. For about an hour. Then I went to put my new powers to work, and it happened. The oh-so-familiar battle. I may have been naive to think all I needed was sleep, and then I’d be “back on track”. I’d be productive and efficient and strong and sharp. I’d finish all the unfinished things. All the things my “true self” […]

The Many Losses of COVID: A Survey About Moving Ahead

Posted on August 20, 2022 - by Bob Baugher

The Many Losses of COVID As humans, loss is something we all experience. One way to make sense of this is to look at a number of different types of loss. Make a copy of this list of 42 losses that could be related to the Covid pandemic. Then, place an X in the box next to each loss that you have experienced as a result of the pandemic during 2020-2022. Check the Loss Box ☐ Loss of the world as I knew it ☐ Loss of finances ☐ Loss of touch—handshakes, hugs, kisses ☐ Loss of job ☐ Loss […]

‘I’m Scared My Daughter Will Die’

Posted on August 19, 2022 - by Nathan Peterson

Fear is the Enemy I’m scared my daughter will die. I’m scared I’ll never amount to anything. I’m scared my kids will be embarrassed of me. I’m scared I’ll get sick and not be able to take care of my family. I’m scared I’ll be forgotten. I know I’m not the only one. So many of us are scared to the point of paralysis. Ironically, this paralysis is exactly what brings our list of scary scenarios into being. Fear is the real enemy, not the scenarios. I believe the greatest battle I’m fighting, and my generation and my culture is […]

Posttraumatic Growth? When Loss Has Meaning

Posted on August 11, 2022 - by Greg Adams

Posttraumatic Growth is Possible “Nothing good comes from cancer. Nothing ever will.” I read those words written by a local newspaper columnist when I was working as a social worker in the world of pediatric cancer. During that time, I would sometimes look out the hallway window in the cancer unit and see the cars going back and forth on the interstate. I would think that somewhere out there are four or five families that have no idea that in the next month they will be here on the unit, their lives turned upside down. Earlier in the day, maybe […]