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‘Heaven-Faith’ is Comforting

Posted on May 6, 2022 - by Fran Buhler

Death is a friend — not something to dread and fear. In our sorrow, there is One we can trust. We may trust the Holy One. Death comes under His jurisdiction. I have given much thought to death because I have spent a lot of time with grieving families in funeral homes and cemeteries. I have gone there hundreds of times for graveside services and the burial of dear ones loved by family and respected in the community. Always, this is an act of faith — never an empty ritual. In such moments, we discover “heaven-faith” is for real, offering […]

How My Mother’s Loss Changed Me

Posted on May 6, 2022 - by Lori Koidahl

My Mother’s Loss Changed Me My metamorphosis commenced when I suffered the intense loss of my mom. Her death unraveled all my patterns, disrupted my life, and revealed how much I had taken for granted. It affirmed what was most precious to me. A part of me died and then a rebirth occurred. My thoughts, perceptions, and how I chose to live my life with the time I had left changed. It opened me up to myself and how I truly wanted to live. A life with purpose and meaning. Focused on connections. Connections with people, nature, animals, myself and […]

Finding Peace After the Loss of a Brother

Posted on May 3, 2022 - by Veronica Crawford

A Brother’s Sudden Death As I walk into the beach hut, all is quiet. Still. Everything, as Carl left it. His table with a view of the ocean he loved so much. On it, an ash tray and tobacco. Carl’s beloved magpie statue, a symbol of his passion for the Collingwood Football Club. All around me, Carl’s belongings. The last time Carl closed the door, he did so with the belief he would return. He didn’t. “A luminous light remains where a beautiful soul has passed,” wrote Antoine Bovena. On March 22, 2011, my brother Carl passed over after a […]

Grief is One Thing. Prolonged Grief Disorder is Another

Posted on May 3, 2022 - by Andrea Gilats

Does She Have a Grief Disorder? A 68-year-old woman seeks care from her primary physician because of trouble sleeping 4 years after the death of her husband. On questioning, she reveals that she is sleeping on a couch in her living room because she cannot bear to sleep in the bed she shared with him. Does she have prolonged grief disorder? She has stopped eating regular meals because preparing them makes her miss him too much; she still has meals that she cooked for him in her freezer. The patient often ruminates about how unfair it was for her husband […]

Dealing with ‘What if’ Questions

Posted on May 3, 2022 - by Dr. Gloria and Dr. Heidi Horsley

What If Questions After a Loss A loved one has died. Even if you knew their death was eminent, you’re in total shock. You feel sad, anxious, and confused. Before death knocked on your door, you had some control over life. Now life seems out of control. Worse, you have more questions than answers. Many are “What if” questions. What would have happened if I and been better prepared? What if I had better coping skills? And what if I had responded differently to death? From What If to What Questions Questions like these are usually associated with the past. […]

Telling the Children that Mom is Going to Die

Posted on April 29, 2022 - by Stedman Stevens

Telling the Children My wife was dying, and telling the children was the next step. My wife and I struck out on our journey to prepare, protect, and parent our three sweet teenage daughters. There is no right or wrong way to convey this message. But there may be better or worse ways to help your children transition through one of the most difficult experiences of their young lives. Oddly, we did not realize the enormity of the task we were undertaking at the time, probably due to stress, fatigue, and emotional exhaustion. But we both felt in telling the […]

Overcoming Male Grief: The Widower’s Journey

Posted on April 29, 2022 - by Herb Knoll

Overcoming Male Grief For nearly 14 years, I have dedicated my life to the service of widowers worldwide, and during that time, I have learned much about what it takes to recover from male grief. Overcoming male grief means addressing each part of their life that may have fallen into disarray following the loss. That includes their mental, physical and financial health. It includes their relationships with their children, in-laws, friends, and family. Much like an airplane preparing to take off, all systems must be in a “go mode” before the pilot commits to going airborne. While my view is […]

Inscribing a Headstone: The Importance of Tradition

Posted on April 21, 2022 - by Larry Hirschhorn

Headstone for a Son My son Aaron died this past March in a boating accident. He was 42 years old. He leaves behind a wife, three children and heartbroken parents. The death of every child is tragic beyond comprehension; sudden death adds an angry blast whose echoes persist relentlessly. Karine, Aaron’s widow, is composing the inscription of his headstone. In Jewish tradition, the child’s name can be inscribed in Hebrew as well in English. His Hebrew name follows biblical tradition. He is, in translation, “Aaron the son of Larry” or in Hebrew, Aharon ben Aryeh.” Inscribing his Hebrew Name When […]

Grief is a Dancer

Posted on April 21, 2022 - by Alisa Bair

Grief is a Dancer Grief is a dancer full of kinetic energy. At first, the stranger shows up with a dance card at the most devastatingly inconvenient time. The dance card has your name written in every slot; you’d rather curl up or die. The dancer pulls you up with strong arms onto the floor, presses you like a rag doll to its sides, sways, swirls, and bends you back so far that you think you’ll never be able to right yourself again. Grief feels like an uninvited and unwelcome partner at first, completely out of sync with your step. […]

Gifts in the Pain

Posted on April 14, 2022 - by Mike Bernhardt

Gifts in the Pain My wife Susan died unexpectedly in April 1991, the Sunday after Easter. I could never have imagined beforehand how transformative an experience that would be. Nothing was true anymore but the truths of her death and my continued existence. I was shaken to my foundations, forced to decide what I would keep of myself and what I would throw away. Every aspect of my life was subject to review, from my occupation to my spiritual beliefs, from my choice of friends to my choice of doctors. Although some friends were very supportive, for about a year […]