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Dealing with ‘What if’ Questions

Posted on May 3, 2022 - by Dr. Gloria and Dr. Heidi Horsley

What If Questions After a Loss A loved one has died. Even if you knew their death was eminent, you’re in total shock. You feel sad, anxious, and confused. Before death knocked on your door, you had some control over life. Now life seems out of control. Worse, you have more questions than answers. Many are “What if” questions. What would have happened if I and been better prepared? What if I had better coping skills? And what if I had responded differently to death? From What If to What Questions Questions like these are usually associated with the past. […]

Telling the Children that Mom is Going to Die

Posted on April 29, 2022 - by Stedman Stevens

Telling the Children My wife was dying, and telling the children was the next step. My wife and I struck out on our journey to prepare, protect, and parent our three sweet teenage daughters. There is no right or wrong way to convey this message. But there may be better or worse ways to help your children transition through one of the most difficult experiences of their young lives. Oddly, we did not realize the enormity of the task we were undertaking at the time, probably due to stress, fatigue, and emotional exhaustion. But we both felt in telling the […]

Overcoming Male Grief: The Widower’s Journey

Posted on April 29, 2022 - by Herb Knoll

Overcoming Male Grief For nearly 14 years, I have dedicated my life to the service of widowers worldwide, and during that time, I have learned much about what it takes to recover from male grief. Overcoming male grief means addressing each part of their life that may have fallen into disarray following the loss. That includes their mental, physical and financial health. It includes their relationships with their children, in-laws, friends, and family. Much like an airplane preparing to take off, all systems must be in a “go mode” before the pilot commits to going airborne. While my view is […]

Inscribing a Headstone: The Importance of Tradition

Posted on April 21, 2022 - by Larry Hirschhorn

Headstone for a Son My son Aaron died this past March in a boating accident. He was 42 years old. He leaves behind a wife, three children and heartbroken parents. The death of every child is tragic beyond comprehension; sudden death adds an angry blast whose echoes persist relentlessly. Karine, Aaron’s widow, is composing the inscription of his headstone. In Jewish tradition, the child’s name can be inscribed in Hebrew as well in English. His Hebrew name follows biblical tradition. He is, in translation, “Aaron the son of Larry” or in Hebrew, Aharon ben Aryeh.” Inscribing his Hebrew Name When […]

Grief is a Dancer

Posted on April 21, 2022 - by Alisa Bair

Grief is a Dancer Grief is a dancer full of kinetic energy. At first, the stranger shows up with a dance card at the most devastatingly inconvenient time. The dance card has your name written in every slot; you’d rather curl up or die. The dancer pulls you up with strong arms onto the floor, presses you like a rag doll to its sides, sways, swirls, and bends you back so far that you think you’ll never be able to right yourself again. Grief feels like an uninvited and unwelcome partner at first, completely out of sync with your step. […]

Gifts in the Pain

Posted on April 14, 2022 - by Mike Bernhardt

Gifts in the Pain My wife Susan died unexpectedly in April 1991, the Sunday after Easter. I could never have imagined beforehand how transformative an experience that would be. Nothing was true anymore but the truths of her death and my continued existence. I was shaken to my foundations, forced to decide what I would keep of myself and what I would throw away. Every aspect of my life was subject to review, from my occupation to my spiritual beliefs, from my choice of friends to my choice of doctors. Although some friends were very supportive, for about a year […]

When Grieving, Listen to Yourself

Posted on April 14, 2022 - by Samantha Ruth

Meltdowns Come and Go Last week, I had a meltdown. Ok, a major meltdown! And I realized that I STILL need to give myself permission to grieve. Almost two years after losing Jim, I still have to consciously remind myself that it’s okay to be a mess and to grieve my way. We live in this fast-paced world where googling is more common than being active. People talk about what’s for dinner the minute after walking out of a funeral. Drive throughs and instant gratification. Delivery anything. It’s no wonder that slowing down to listen to yourself can be difficult. […]

From Grief to Gratitude: How We Get There

Posted on April 14, 2022 - by Stedman Stevens

From Grief to Gratitude As we live through the pandemic, all of us feel the unusual weight in the air and sense the loss of how our lives used to be. We all have reason to grieve now. But that need not be the end of the story. How do we move from grief to gratitude? We can rise, if we choose, to grief’s challenge. Together we can change grief into an experience not simply painful, but also sustaining and fulfilling. When we all start thinking and talking about an issue, things change. Consider some radical alterations of opinion over the […]

Dear Motherless Daughter: As Mother’s Day Approaches

Posted on April 14, 2022 - by Mershon Niesner

Dear Motherless Daughter, You’re probably not looking forward to Mother’s Day this year—or any year. I’ve been motherless since I was eight and I still don’t look forward to Mother’s Day. Even when my children were young and celebrated me with handmade cards and burnt toast, I still felt sad that I wasn’t able to personally celebrate with my mom. When I was a kid, my dad and I planted window boxes for my mother on Mother’s Day. The colorful boxes sat under the two windows at the front of our modest, post-war bungalow in Nebraska. Ever since, flowers have […]

Don’t Rush Grief

Posted on April 12, 2022 - by Karla Noland

Grief didn’t strike me the moment my mother died. Instead, my grief began when I realized my mother was dying, which was on her 78th birthday. Shock, disbelief, and sadness weighed on me from that moment on because I knew the inevitable would happen. When my mother passed away, I acknowledged that she was no longer in pain and had gone to be with her Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, but I did not give myself space to grieve. I distracted myself from the pain by going back to work in an attempt to return to some semblance of normalcy. […]