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Creating Your Own Ritual for a Loved One’s Death

Posted on February 16, 2021 - by Neil Chethik

Excerpted from FatherLoss, by Neil Chethik. FatherLoss is available here. After a loved one’s death, we don’t always have the opportunity to hold a funeral. Over the past year, for example, the pandemic has prevented or delayed thousands of funerals. This is the story of one man who could not have a timely funeral for his father. He had to find another way to honor his dad and get on with his life. Frank Hernandez was thirty-two years old when he took his father, who was suffering from emphysema, into his home for the last two-plus years of the older […]

Valentine’s Question: When Should I Start Dating Again?

Posted on February 11, 2021 - by Bob Baugher

Excerpt from the book Surviving Widowhood: Suggestions from Widowed People to You for Coping with the Death of Your Husband, Wife or Partner by Elaine Eggebraaten, John Hanson, Lori Keller, Tally R. Reynolds, Suzan Styer, Bob Baugher & Margarita Suarez. Available at Amazon. Making a Decision to Date or Not to Date For those of you early on in your grief, the word “dating” may seem a strange, perhaps even cruel term. You might be saying, “Why would I even consider dating someone when I still feel married? Why would I consider letting someone into my life when my life is so confusing right now?” […]

Cooking with Love: My First Valentine’s Day After My Husband’s Death

Posted on February 11, 2021 - by Linda Freudenberger

He Was a Chef My husband used to say, “I cook for a living, but you cook with love.” When our girls were 4 and 6, I decided to make a gourmet five course dinner to celebrate Valentine’s Day, but of course since he was a chef, he had to work on Valentine’s Day, and the fancy dinner was on a different night. The girls did not like the fancy new potatoes with sour cream and caviar that I prepared for the appetizer. They did not understand the concept of a meal served in segments or courses. They wanted to […]

After a Major Loss: So, Now What?

Posted on February 9, 2021 - by Greg Adams

Many questions compete for attention when death comes and life changes. Among the many, there is at least one question that stubbornly remains as the numbness fades and our awareness of what has happened increases. So, now what? Part of us knew this day was coming, but we tried not to think about it. Or at least not think about it all the time. Another part of us hoped for a miracle. Another part said, “Maybe they’re wrong.” Other parts took us to other places—other thoughts, other things to do, anything else. Who can live with every moment thinking of […]

Viewing the Body: Does it Help or Harm?

Posted on February 7, 2021 - by Neil Chethik

excerpted from FatherLoss, by Neil Chethik, available here. Should you view the body after a loved one’s death? Immediately after the father’s death, one important question for sons was whether or not to view the body. In my FatherLoss Survey, among sons eighteen to fifty-five at the time of the death, 85 percent said they viewed their father’s body before it was buried or cremated. And more than 75 percent of those men reported that seeing the body was helpful later in coping with the death. A disc jockey who was thirty-seven when his dad died told me the viewing […]

How to Be Grateful in Grief

Posted on February 5, 2021 - by Catherine McNulty

Gratitude is a buzzword we hear all the time. We hear it so much we often dismiss it. To be honest, it’s a trend I ignored until a mentor told me that a daily gratitude practice would transform my life. Since I trusted her and I wasn’t thrilled with the life I had, I decided to give it a try. Today, a daily gratitude practice has become more than just a buzzword. After a year of trying to figure out what a gratitude practice could do for me and how it could help me grieve, it’s become a way of […]

A Glimpse into Grieving in the New Year

Posted on January 18, 2021 - by Bob Baugher

If you are like most bereaved people, thinking about the future without your loved one is not pleasant. In thinking about the next year, some people shake their head saying, “I don’t want to go there. It’s too difficult to even imagine.” Perhaps this is an article you’d rather not read. I’m writing it because—and I think you’ll agree—making plans when dealing with a difficult issue is usually better than just letting it happen. As you can see with the lists below, I’ve put together holidays in one column with a number of suggestions in the other. The suggestions are […]

Eight New Year’s Eves Ago

Posted on January 16, 2021 - by Elizabeth Brady

There is a collective sigh of relief as we ring in 2021, and yet there is also mounting loss and unattended grief. For those of us who have been learning to live newly after the death of our own loves, we know that healing will take time and attention. Our own son Mack died 8 years ago today, two weeks shy of his ninth birthday. It still takes my breath away. How I long to see his teddy bear eyes and laugh together on the couch. I sense his joyful presence. I picture him running, his long legs stretched out, […]

Focus on Hope

Posted on January 15, 2021 - by Jill Smoot

It came to me the other day. Almost as a shock. With all the craziness in this year of 2020. With faces hidden behind masks. With people separated from family and friends. With news, and noise, and numbers. I had not been thinking of Aaron so much. I was grieving for others. My prayers were purposeful, not perplexed. “ God help us!” Help US, not just Me. Knowing fully that God can, and does help. He does hear our cries, and He does answer. Sorrow can be so solitary. I know that to be true. But it can strangle, forming a focus on […]

Assembling My Grief Survival Kit: What’s In Yours?

Posted on January 15, 2021 - by Harriet Hodgson

My husband died two weeks ago, but I had been preparing for his death a long time. I was my husband’s caregiver and watched him summon courage when he learned he was paraplegic. I watched him adapt to failing health and make the most of each day. I watched him and learned from him. Hundreds of times, he said, “I love you to eternity,” and I loved him the same way. I continue to feel his love and it gives me strength. During 63 years of marriage we were a couple and now it was just me, flying solo. What […]