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Dear Dad Letters: Nights After Death

Posted on December 5, 2018 - by Gary Jaworski

Dreams Dear Dad, I’ve been having this recurring dream. I am sitting alone in a movie theater, about halfway down the theater. A movie is playing on the screen, but I can’t make out which one. I turn around and see lots of people standing and talking to each other along the side and back aisles. They are not seated; that privilege is reserved for the living. It is the dead who crowd the standing-room-only aisles, looking on at the movie and on those of us who sit. Among the standing are those in our family who have died. I see Uncle Andy, Grandma and Grandpa, […]

You’ll Never Get Over It

Posted on December 4, 2018 - by Gloria Horsley

In working with hundreds of grieving families over the years, I’ve witnessed how hope survives even the cruelest losses. Parents who have lost a child hope to live a life their child would be proud of; they hope to find ways to honor their child’s memory or prevent another family from enduring such a loss. They hope to find a way back to normal, or to at least establish a new “normal.” But I’ve also heard people hope for the day they would “get over it.” Sometimes uttered by people who have closed themselves off to their own feelings, this […]

Jason Stout: Outward Bound

Posted on November 28, 2018 - by Gloria Horsley

Many members of Open to Hope have attended Outward Bound’s (aptly named) outdoor sessions, including the Executive Director Gloria’s Horsley’s late son, Scott. Jason Stout has been a part of Outward Bound for years, and recently spoke with Dr. Horsley about why wilderness experiences are so helpful and critical for those in the grieving process. Stout isn’t just a leader at Outward Bound going on 15 years, but also an alumnus. “I attended a seven day Outward Bound course and then an 80 day course,” he shares. “It was life changing for me and had a huge impact on my […]

Candice Courtney: Rituals

Posted on November 26, 2018 - by Gloria Horsley

“Ritual is so important, it supports us throughout our lives” including when there is a death in the family, says Candice Courtney of Scottsdale, Arizona, the author of Healing Through Illness, Living Through Dying. She recently spoke with Dr. Gloria Horsley of the Open to Hope Foundation during the 2015 annual Association of Death Education and Counseling Conference. Rituals are so ingrained into the human experience that many people don’t realize they’re participating in rituals—whether they’re cultural, religious or otherwise prescribed. Some people even create their own rituals without realizing it. Dr. Horsley has a particular interest in rituals, having […]

Todd Hochberg: Creating Rituals

Posted on November 22, 2018 - by Heidi Horsley

The man behind the film “Other Rituals, Parents’ Stories and Meaning Making,” Todd Hochberg, joined Dr. Heidi Horsley at the Open to Hope Foundation’s annual conference to discuss the importance of creating rituals as part of the grieving process. In the film, Hochberg interviews many of the families he’s worked with including many parents whose children have passed away. By helping families through the process with pictures, Hochberg describes in the film how such processes optimize healing and shine a lantern in an otherwise dark period of time. One of Hochberg’s innovative approaches is offering photography services soon after a […]

Darwin Huartson: Hospice

Posted on November 20, 2018 - by Gloria Horsley

Darwin Huartson is part of the VITAS Innovative Hospice Care team in San Antonio, Texas, and spoke recently with Dr. Gloria Horsley about the role of hospice care—as well as many of the myths surrounding it. He’s a bereavement services manager and has been working with VITAS for 18 years. For years hospices served a niche community, but in recent years grief experts in general have come to understand that hospices can and should play a bigger role in the bereavement process. Like many hospices, a big part of the VITAS mission statement is to best serve their clients, but […]

Donna Bacon: Finding Hope and Healing After Multiple Loss

Posted on November 18, 2018 - by Heidi Horsley

Dr. Donna Bacon got into the field of grief because of her own personal losses, and she shared a moment with Open to Hope’s executive director Dr. Heidi Horsley. Today, she’s a lecturer at Nassau Community College. “When I was four years old, my mom died of breast cancer—she was 34.” Bacon and her twin sister spent the next 12 years living with grandparents, aunts and uncles, and in that timeframe subsequently lost all of them. By the time she was 16, Bacon was very familiar with loss. Her uncle was murdered, one aunt died at 26 of HIV/AIDS and […]

Perfect: Letter to a Deceased, Beloved Husband

Posted on November 16, 2018 - by Linda Freudenberger

Dear Jim, Music was blaring at Caesar’s Palace disco in Allentown, Pa. as we made our way through the crowd. My brother Dave and his ﬁancee, Ellen, convinced me to go out with them. It was another Friday night with me sitting at home, moping about a failed relationship and trying to ﬁgure out my life. You came from behind, tapped me on the shoulder and asked me to dance. You had a habit of catching me oﬀ guard. “Killing me softly with his song” by Roberta Flack, was playing. Smoke and sweaty bodies packed the room. I draped my […]

Dear Dad Letters: Father Figures

Posted on November 10, 2018 - by Gary Jaworski

Dear Dad, It is hard living without a father to show the ways of becoming a man. Mom eventually dated some men, but they either frightened or bored me. One, a swarthy ex-boxer, bought me boxing gloves and a punching bag; but I was too scared to follow his instruction. Mom said I had an “inferiority complex, ” a new phrase out at the time. Another was nice. He took me fishing, but lost his way in a morning fog, destroying my trust in him and manifesting my intense fear of death. Mom eventually married him, as I’m sure you know from her laments to you. He […]

Dear Dad Letters: Catastrophism

Posted on November 9, 2018 - by Gary Jaworski

Dear Dad, Here is a neologism. “Catastrophism, noun. The unfounded fear that one’s life is about to meet a sudden and catastrophic end.” I have lived all my life with this underlying fear. When the phone rings, I immediately assume we are getting news that someone has died, even though I have never been told of someone’s death that way. But in a way the imagined phone call does duplicate the unexpected news of your death. For me death is imagined to be sudden and unexpected. I sometimes fear that someone – a spouse, a stranger – might kill me in […]