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Widowers – Forced to Live in the Shadows

Posted on July 4, 2018 - by Herb Knoll

When asked, few people can name even one man who has been widowed. But given a few moments for additional consideration, many are likely to say, “Oh wait a minute, I do know one. He lives down the street or works with me at my office.” When I presented this same question to a friend of mine, he failed to recall how his own father was widowed. I find this stunning. Few Americans can name more than one U.S. president who was widowed, yet over one-third of the Presidents of the United States have experienced the loss of a spouse […]

Forgiving the Unscrupulous

Posted on June 25, 2018 - by Jill Smoot

Our son Aaron was one of the many who suffer from depression and anxiety. He was one of the many who sought help with medication, prescribed by a practicing physician intended to help alleviate this malady. But as it turned out for Aaron and nine others who saw the same doctor, the medication did not help. All of these, including our son, died while under his care. Their deaths were deemed accidental prescription drug overdose. The physician who had administered these drugs has since had his medical license revoked. Those who were his patients were not properly monitored but given […]

Pieces of You

Posted on June 25, 2018 - by Tambre Leighn

Today, I gave away another piece of you. A piece that’s traveled with me for thousands of miles back and forth between Los Angeles and Canada and other places. A piece that’s been with me for 17 years. In the days, months, and years since your passing, I’ve let go of small and big parts of you and of us. In the early days, I tore through the house, purging it of any sign of your illness. Perhaps I was trying to get us back to the time before your diagnosis when all was well…when you were well. Weeks into […]

Sunrise of Hope

Posted on June 7, 2018 - by Diane Dettmann

“I want people working through grief to know they are strong, capable, resilient human beings who have the strength to survive the death of their spouse and find themselves again—maybe even for the first time.” -Diane Dettmann After the death of my husband in 2000, my world as I knew it splintered into tiny pieces. Everything in my life changed including myself. I wanted my life back the way it was. I hated the new world I was thrown into and fought the changes imposed on me. I missed our evening visits over a glass of wine after a long day […]

Subsequent Losses

Posted on June 7, 2018 - by Nina Impala

Interestingly enough, some of us suffer more loss than others. Having multiple losses close together, and considering that one year is close together, life can get complicated. When this happens, one can hardly grieve one death and then another is in front of us. How do we get through it? How can a heart handle this type of deep pain? When a loved one dies the pain we feel in our chest can be debilitating. Fatigue and thoughts of will I ever stop crying can be a constant. Waking up in the morning with the thought of how in […]

On Your First Father’s Day Without Dad

Posted on June 7, 2018 - by Beth Marshall

This year might be your first Father’s Day since losing your dad. Father’s Day can be tough when a piece of your heart’s puzzle is missing. Here are three tips I hope might help. Say What You Need to Say As the weather starts to sizzle, you may be tempted to turn the AC to full blast and settle in for a little summer hibernation. While time alone is important, it’s easy to slip from healthy alone time to full-on isolation. After losing my mom, and then my dad a few short years later, my comfy safe place definitely became home, […]

Acute Anticipatory Grief: What a Surprise!

Posted on May 24, 2018 - by Harriet Hodgson

Anticipatory grief isn’t new to me. I’ve studied it for years, written articles about it, and co-authored a book about it. That’s why I was surprised when I burst into tears sparked by anticipatory grief. The attack, if it can be called that, happened just before surgery. For three months I experienced odd symptoms. Because I’m my disabled husband’s caregiver, I paid no attention to the symptoms until they couldn’t be ignored. Fortunately, I was able to get an appointment with my doctor and undergo tests. The question: Did I have uterine cancer? The question alone was enough to cause anticipatory […]

Resigned But Not Defeated

Posted on May 22, 2018 - by Jill Smoot

There is a poem written in 1848, by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, after the death of his little daughter, Fanny. The poem, “Resignation,” has in one of its stanzas the following: “And though at times impetuous with emotion And anguish long suppressed, The swelling heart heaves moaning like the ocean, That cannot be at rest.” He had recorded in his diary that “ I feel very sad today. I miss very much my dear little Fanny. An inappeasable longing to see her comes over me at times, which I can hardly control.” I find comfort in this poem. […]

For Grieving Moms: When Others Respond in Hurtful Ways

Posted on May 16, 2018 - by Janice Bell Meisenhelder

Fix-It Friends People feel helpless in the face of your loss of a child. They have an intense need to say something to lessen your pain. They cannot understand that this pain refuses any comfort and must be processed over time to ease. They try to help by saying things that negate your pain, such as: “He’s in a better place,” or “You can have another child.” They may also tell you they know how you feel and compare your loss to their loss of a grandparent, which just feels insulting to you. They may tell you that you […]

Missing All of Mom on Mother’s Day

Posted on May 15, 2018 - by Mary Jane Cronin

My friend and I were recently having breakfast and talk turned to the upcoming Mother’s Day. Both of us have lost our mothers recently and a look of sadness and “I miss her” tears began to fill our eyes. As my thoughts drifted back to my years as a child, when I scurried to make mom breakfast in bed and bring her flowers from the yard, I softly smiled. She pretended to be surprised and always ate my creations, whether they were tasty or not. Growing into a young woman, the gifts became more memorable of the connection between mother […]