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The Bitter Taste of Grief: Art and Healing

Posted on October 10, 2017 - by Katherine Relf-Canas

“Take the bitter taste of this night and move on…” This evening, I read that phrase in a New York Times article “Mexico Earthquake, Strongest in a Century, Kills Dozens.” The reporter had spoken with Mexico City earthquake survivor, Alberto Briseño, who managed to share words of hopeful resignation amidst the chaos. “Moving on,” Briseño said, “it’s what Mexicans do so well.” By a strange conjunction of events, the day of this historic earthquake, September 8, 2017, was already marked on my calendar. Weeks ago, I’d written “Rocky Behr’s estate sale” there. I’d wanted to go to the estate sale, which was happening […]

Hope in the Land of Loss

Posted on October 9, 2017 - by Lisa Irish

The bright, blue sky surrounded the scene, it filled the moment with light. I looked up to see the somber funeral men, leading each of us past the casket. One gave me the carnation from his jacket, as I stood before the big, dark casket where my father’s body lay hidden. I was eleven. How could I look at the sky, when I couldn’t take my eyes off his cradle of death? This moment held me captive for over forty years. My heart had been trapped in the Land of Loss, searching for a way out. Other details in my […]

Weeping With Those Who Weep: Supporting Others in Grief

Posted on October 9, 2017 - by Jill Smoot

At a friend’s home recently, I had the privilege of becoming acquainted with a dear woman who is 94 years young. As we were seated together in a cozy spot, she began to tell me about herself. It wasn’t too long before she related to me that her daughter had passed away. But then she paused, looked intently at me and said, “ You probably have never known the loss of an adult child.” I quietly responded back that, as a matter of fact, I had. Then she leaned forward slightly and said, “Then you know how I feel. “ […]

David Moller: Cultural Competency Among Health Professionals

Posted on October 1, 2017 - by Gloria Horsley

David Moller of the Truman Medical Center spoke with Dr. Gloria Horsley during the 2015 Annual Association for Death Education and Counseling conference. Currently, Moller is working with a group to create training on cultural competence for the medical staff at Truman. “We’re extending their learning out and into the neighborhood,” he explains. Hospice home visits are common for medical residents, as are inner city visits. Most patients come to the hospital, but Moller is committed to reversing it. Bringing doctors into the home allows for learning about poverty challenges, racial barrier issues and to experience another side of their […]

Jill Harrington: Loss of a Young Adult

Posted on September 28, 2017 - by Heidi Horsley

Dr. Jill Harrington is a social worker, clinician and researcher at the Center for the Study of Traumatic Stress who specializes in grief after losing a young adult. “Some in the military and some in the civilian world,” explains Dr. Harrington, who chatted with Dr. Heidi Horsley during the Association for Death Education and Counseling conference in spring 2015. Losing a young adult is a unique situation, she explains. Losing a young adult means the survivors have lost the past, present and all the potential for the future. It’s unlike losing a young child, who has a limited past, or […]

Don’t Send the Wrong Message to Surviving Children

Posted on September 26, 2017 - by Laura Diehl

When our child leaves this earth, so many of our future hopes and dreams go with them. I don’t even need to start listing them; we all know all too well what those things are. When my oldest daughter, Becca, first died, it was so hard to see past her death and the death of our future together as mother and daughter, that it seemed impossible to see what was still there. So, what was still there for me? For one thing, my four other children. Why is that? Why is our loss so deep, that the loss of […]

Barb Petsel: Talking with Children about Death

Posted on September 26, 2017 - by Neil Chethik

The Executive Editor of the Open to Hope Foundation recently spoke with Barb Petsel, author and therapist at Healing Transitions Counseling, during the 2015 Association for Death Education and Counseling conference. As the author of Remembering Grandma’s Hugs, Petsel delved deep into the how’s of talking to children when their grandparents die. “I wrote (this book) because many years ago my father died. He was visiting my brother and his children, and died suddenly of a heart attack in front of them.” However, the family was at a loss. They hadn’t discussed how to talk to their children about death […]

How to Use Death Insurance to Trick Death

Posted on September 23, 2017 - by Bob Baugher

It’s not a pleasant scene: You are in a hospital bed, clinging to life, and just outside your room your family members are arguing whether or not you would want to be kept alive by a respirator and, given the likelihood that you will die, would you want your organs donated. Or how about this unpleasant scene: hours after you die, your family members arrive at your home to begin searching through your belongings looking for all the papers they will need. They are saddened by your death. But, at the moment, they are frustrated that you had never told […]

Seek Compassion Over Judgment as a Loved One is Dying

Posted on September 22, 2017 - by Jennifer Stern

Anticipatory grief about the end of a loved one’s life can be an overwhelming experience. So many complex emotions. Such a sense of powerlessness. Subconsciously, the family and friends of the dying person will seek order and predictability at a time when there just isn’t any. Anticipatory grief often leads to decisions made or words spoken that inadvertently cause hurt feelings, misunderstandings, and conflict. Anticipatory grief is different for everyone, just as everyone’s relationship with a person dying is unique. Try to connect to compassion over judgment during times of anticipatory grief, to create space for each person to have time, […]

When You’re Dying Before Your Children are Grown

Posted on September 20, 2017 - by Jennifer Stern

No one dreams of dying before their children are grown. No parent envisions leaving their children before they reach milestones and become contributing, independent adults. Yet, sadly, tragically, it happens. My mom died soon after I graduated from college. She and I were very close. We had many conversations as she was dying, some silly and some serious, about life and about death. She would not, perhaps more likely could not, accept the reality that she would never see me complete my education, find a career, fall in love, get married and become a mother. I will share some […]