Alex James

Alex James, MBACP is a professional bereavement counselor/consultant, agony aunt, and author who has worked with bereaved individuals and families for many years. Specializing in sudden traumatic bereavement, Alex has worked for agencies as a trauma support worker, trainer and voluntarily for a charitable trust supporting those impacted by road death. Alex, who lives and works in the UK, is currently based at a hospice, developing specific services for children, supporting children and their families pre- and post-bereavement. Alongside this much-needed work, she continues to manage a bereavement website where she offers confidential e-mail support 365 days a year and also publishes an online bereavement magazine. Alex has appeared on national and local radio and is the author of Living with Bereavement.

Articles:

Mother Leaves Memory Box to Grateful Daughters

The following is based on a true story: Some time after our mother’s death, my sister and I arranged to meet at our mother’s home to begin the process of sorting out her belongings. It was a beautiful spring morning; the sun was shining and the first blossoms were appearing on the trees. There was a mix of feelings for both of us; on one hand we knew that we had to start the process of cleaning and sorting, and on the other, we felt the finality and having to accept that Mum had died. We stood in the hallway. “It’s cold,” […]

Self-Torture Legacy for Many Grieving Suicide

Families and loved ones of those who choose to end their own lives are all faced with the unanswerable question, Why? We may assume that for those families where the deceased left a note, the answer to that question is obvious. But in my experience working with the surviving loved ones of suicide, notes usually serve to add to the feelings of failure and guilt. Survivors think they should have known, could have done something, might have prevented it. Self torture is the legacy bestowed on those left to grieve. The suicide of their loved one may be felt as a reflection on them, a sign of […]

Healthy Grief Expression Can Happen in Many Forms

Many who grieve find it difficult to express how they are feeling. As time passes, the opportunity to talk about their deceased loved one becomes less frequent whilst inside them the need to talk continues. Finding outlets for the feelings, and a way to communicate their experience to others, can be beneficial to the process of grief, and enable others to talk with them more openly. Here are some forms of grief expression: Art Not all of us are artistic, we may say, but what is art but expression? In my experience, art and using colour can enable expression of feeling […]

Don’t Stop Others From Crying

I often use visualisation when working with my clients. I talk with them about the feelings that they are holding in, feel unable to share, or in some cases feel pressure either spoken or unspoken to appear to be doing well. It’s a bit like sitting on a box. The box is over filled with feelings and if the lid isn’t allowed to open frequently and the feelings let out, they build and build until they burst out, uncontrollably, and often at a time that is inappropriate. Many bereft tell me they feel afraid of crying, of letting go, because […]

After a Loss, Answering the Question: Who Am I Now?

Death affects and changes everything. The circumstances and impact affect not only the obvious areas of life but every area and simple tasks that used to be easily undertaken can seem enormous and just too difficult. Everyday activities can be exhausting and any activity can create deep anxiety. Many of my clients tell me that not only are they grieving the loss of their loved one but alongside that there is the loss of themselves. The loss of everything they thought they knew, the planned life the sense of security. Nothing in their lives will be the same again. These […]

Death of Child Affects Relationships Throughout Family

When anyone we love dies our lives are changed; things we had planned will no longer be the same. The death of a child is often the least expected death, and the ongoing effect upon the remaining family can seem endless. One of the commonest things I hear said is: “You don’t expect to attend the funeral of your children.” We assume in life that we will grow old, having watched our children become people and take their place in the adult world. We are concerned for their well-being and on occasion may find ourselves thinking about a time when […]

Is There Life After Death?

When someone we love dies, it leaves us with the unanswered question: “ Where are they?” There is a huge gaping void that they once filled. Where is my mother — her laugh, the unusual and inventive chef who filled the house with wonderful cooking aromas, the comedian who even in illness found humour? Where is she? Where is my father — the larger than life philosopher, the booming voice — and my brother — the jokes and wild stories the gentle listening ear. I used to call him my oracle – he seemed so wise beyond his years. Can they be gone really gone? […]

Open to Hope is an online community offering inspirational stories of loss, hope and recovery. We believe hope is the bridge between loss and recovery.