Bob Baugher

Bob Baugher, Ph.D., is a recently retired Psychology Professor from Highline College in Des Moines, Washington where he taught courses in Psychology and Death Education. As a trainer for LivingWorks he has trained more than 1,500 people in suicide intervention. He has given more than 900 workshops on grief and loss. In addition, he is the professional advisor to the South King County Chapter of The Compassionate Friends and the local widows’ organization: Widowed Information & Consultation Services. He earned a certificate in Thanatology from the Association for Death Education and Counseling. Bob has written more than 100 articles and seven books on the bereavement process. Visit his website at: http://www.bobbaugher.com. Dr. Baugher appeared on the radio show “Healing the Grieving Heart” with Dr. Gloria & Dr. Heidi Horsley to discuss Coping with Anger and Guilt After a Loss.

Articles:

Immediately After a Suicide: Three Things to Remember

As you begin to take in the reality of the loss of your loved one by suicide, there are three things to remember: Take Care of Yourself Right now, you may not feel like anything matters. You have been psychologically wounded by this death, and as with any injury, you will have to focus for a while on finding ways to cope with the pain and take care of yourself. No One Cannot Do This Alone You will have to find ways of surviving that work for you. They will not necessarily be the same methods of coping used by […]

Telling Young Children of a Suicide

Telling Young Children of a Suicide Parents are often understandably concerned about how the harsh fact of a suicide in the family, particularly of a parent, will affect their children. They may wonder whether telling their children–particularly young children–the truth about the death will cause more harm than good. And if they do decide to tell their children the truth, they struggle to find the words to explain what they find very hard to understand themselves – “Why did this person take their life?” It is important to know something about the developmental processes that children experience as they grow […]

The Many Losses of COVID: A Survey About Moving Ahead

The Many Losses of COVID As humans, loss is something we all experience. One way to make sense of this is to look at a number of different types of loss. Make a copy of this list of 42 losses that could be related to the Covid pandemic. Then, place an X in the box next to each loss that you have experienced as a result of the pandemic during 2020-2022. Check the Loss Box ☐ Loss of the world as I knew it ☐ Loss of finances ☐ Loss of touch—handshakes, hugs, kisses ☐ Loss of job ☐ Loss […]

Helping Children After Mass Tragedies

Children Shocked by Mass Tragedies In 1963, it was the assassination of a president. In 1986, it was the explosion of the Space Shuttle witnessed by millions of children on TV. September 11, 2001, was the terrorist attack. For the past 20 years it has been school shootings, the most recent in Uvalde, Texas. Each of these shocking events thrusts our children into the face of death in a sudden and graphic way. Imagine that you are a ten-year-old child. Kids your age were killed as they innocently sat in their classroom. Many questions spring to your young mind: “Am […]

Valentine’s Question: When Should I Start Dating Again?

Excerpt from the book Surviving Widowhood: Suggestions from Widowed People to You for Coping with the Death of Your Husband, Wife or Partner by Elaine Eggebraaten, John Hanson, Lori Keller, Tally R. Reynolds, Suzan Styer, Bob Baugher & Margarita Suarez. Available at Amazon. Making a Decision to Date or Not to Date For those of you early on in your grief, the word “dating” may seem a strange, perhaps even cruel term. You might be saying, “Why would I even consider dating someone when I still feel married? Why would I consider letting someone into my life when my life is so confusing right now?” […]

A Glimpse into Grieving in the New Year

If you are like most bereaved people, thinking about the future without your loved one is not pleasant. In thinking about the next year, some people shake their head saying, “I don’t want to go there. It’s too difficult to even imagine.” Perhaps this is an article you’d rather not read. I’m writing it because—and I think you’ll agree—making plans when dealing with a difficult issue is usually better than just letting it happen. As you can see with the lists below, I’ve put together holidays in one column with a number of suggestions in the other. The suggestions are […]

Understanding the Reaction of Others

This is an excerpt from the book: Coping with Grief: A Guide for the Bereaved Survivor by Bob Baugher. You can order it at: www.bobbaugher.com Understanding the Reaction of Others A Feeling That Everyone Else is Carrying on with “Life as Usual” At this time in your life the world looks different: Artificial Frightening Callous Indifferent Cold Insensitive Dreary Lonely Dull Uncaring You may find yourself surprised and hurt that, despite the fact that your life has totally changed, the rest of the world appears to operate just as it always has. Every day you see people going about […]

Targets of Anger during Bereavement

This is an excerpt from the book: Understanding Anger during Bereavement by Bob Baugher, Carol Hankins & Gary Hankins. You can order it at: www.bobbaugher.com Targets of Anger during Bereavement Oneself When bereaved, one of the easiest targets for anger is oneself. See if any of the following types of self-directed anger relate to you: Not living up to expectations Part of being human is having expectations of yourself. Translated into self-talk, it often includes the words “should,” “must,” “have to,” and “need to.” During bereavement, it can sound like this: “I must be strong, I must do this right, I […]

Understanding Anger During Bereavement

This is an excerpt from the book: Understanding Anger during Bereavement by Bob Baugher, Carol Hankins & Gary Hankins. You can order it at: www.bobbaugher.com Components of Anger Expression One way to think of anger is in terms of the way it affects our body, mind, social life, and emotional state. Let’s look at each. The Physical Component 1. Verbal expressions • Swear words • Substituted swear words (“shoot, dang, darn, heck, son of a gun, cripes”) • Labeling words (“idiot, stupid, heartless, psycho, chicken, geek, nerd”) • Questions (“who . . . , what . . . , […]

Anxiety Over Fading Memories

This is an excerpt from the book: Coping with Grief: A Guide for the Bereaved Survivor by Bob Baugher. You can order it at: www.bobbaugher.com One of the most anxiety-producing features of death is that we will somehow forget our loved one. We fear that, with the inevitable passage of time, the memories of our loved one will be lost like tiny drops in the ocean of thousands of memories. As the weeks and months turn to years our lives have become bombarded with new experiences and numerous distractions. Events and people have moved in and out of our […]

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