Bob Baugher

Bob Baugher, Ph.D., is a recently retired Psychology Professor from Highline College in Des Moines, Washington where he taught courses in Psychology and Death Education. As a trainer for LivingWorks he has trained more than 1,500 people in suicide intervention. He has given more than 900 workshops on grief and loss. In addition, he is the professional advisor to the South King County Chapter of The Compassionate Friends and the local widows’ organization: Widowed Information & Consultation Services. He earned a certificate in Thanatology from the Association for Death Education and Counseling. Bob has written more than 100 articles and seven books on the bereavement process. Visit his website at: http://www.bobbaugher.com. Dr. Baugher appeared on the radio show “Healing the Grieving Heart” with Dr. Gloria & Dr. Heidi Horsley to discuss Coping with Anger and Guilt After a Loss.

Articles:

Everything Happens for a Reason? Not Necessarily

Everything happens for a reason. We hear it all the time. I have been hearing it for years from my Psychology students. Part of my job as their instructor is to teach them the art of critical thinking. Yet, when my students get involved in a discussion especially of a senseless tragedy, inevitably many of them say with conviction, “Well, I believe everything happens for a reason.” usually followed by an uplifted shoulder shrug. In my field of work as a death educator and former counselor, I’ve met thousands of people who’ve experienced all kinds of tragedies. What follows is […]

How to Ask for a Story of Your Loved One

Think for a moment about all of the 7 billion people still alive on earth as you read these words. At some point in the future not one person will be alive. You and I and all the rest will be gone only to be replaced by a whole new group. What have we all left after we’re gone? One answer: stories. Consider the stories that others know of the people in your life who’ve died. Stories you may not even know! One of the many ways of coping with our grief is to compile memories of the departed. That’s […]

Giving Away Stuffed Animals Eases Grief

On January 11, 2003, I visited my dad who was recuperating from pneumonia in a care center. That night, as always, we talked about the old days, something we loved to do. Sometimes the topic of conversation would be about how much fun we have had over the years winning hundreds (more like a couple thousand) stuffed animals from fairs by throwing balls into a bushel basket or bouncing coins into a glass plate. Even at age 80, Dad was still good at it. Only a couple months before, on his yearly trip to ‘Vegas, he’d won several stuffed animals […]

Memories, Time, Grief and Healing

“How long has it been?” Bereaved parents are often asked this question. I ask it of you, “How long has it been?” Now answer this question: “How long does it feel like it’s been?” A common answer is, “On one hand it feels like yesterday. On the other, it feels like a long time ago.” Why do we experience our lives like this? How can something five or ten years ago feel recent and something that occurred last week feel forever ago? Let’s look at the concept of time and try to make some sense of it, with the added […]

Man’s Girlfriend Experiencing Grief 14 Years After Mother’s Death

Adam writes in: My girlfriend is grieving her mother after 14 years. She lost her mother when she was 19 and now at the age of 33 is going through an intense period of grief and depression. She has said that it’s always been hard for her, but about two weeks ago her feeling became so intense that she feels she’s not able to give energy to anything else. She works long hours at her job and is able to maintain a success in her work, but she feels that she cannot do anything else. She fears that she will […]

Woman Overwhelmed by Series of Major Losses

Hannah writes in: I buried my only son last year. But my story starts way before that. He was a Marine, he left as soon as he graduated. He did two tours in Iraq and came home in 2005. In July of 2006 he went to work for someone that I went to grade school and high school with. He got a beijing job working for a private security company stationed in Kuwait. I last saw him in October of 2006 when he came home for two weeks to attend his friend’s wedding. We spent about 10 days together. It […]

Poem: A Conversation With Grief

By Bob Baugher, Ph.D. —

Mother Whose Daughter Died: ‘Why Can’t I Cry?’

Question from Sherry:?I’m not sure what to say, but feel compelled to write something.?My 38-year-old daughter Colleen died May 20, 2008. I spoke to her that?morning. She was feeling better than she had for 2 weeks. I?was in? another state with my younger daughter; she and her?husband were to?adopt a child and I was helping with their 2 small?boys. Less than?3 hrs later, my husband called and said Colleen is gone. She?died of an?asthma attack. She had asthma all of her life and felt she?could handle?any situation. Her 2 small children were just coming home?from school.?The paramedics did not reach her in time. We had a service?and lots of?loving people said kind and wonderful words to us.?I smiled?thanked?them, never shed a tear, and in my mind & heart did NOT?believe and?still don’t believe she’s gone. We are blessed to?have gardianship of?our 2 grandchildren (ages 7 and 9).?They make us happy.

Men in Pain: Stay or Walk Away?

By Bob Baugher, Ph.D. —

Did I Make A Mistake Having an Only Child?

Question from Anne: My mother warned me not to have an only child. I guess I should have listened to her as my son died of cancer last year. Do you think she was right and that I made a mistake? How do I live with such a big mistake? Dr. Bob Baugher responds: Thank you for your question. First off, my heart goes out to you as you cope with the death of your precious son. Grief is hard and a common grief reaction is guilt. One type of guilt is called “If-only Guilt” in which we go back […]

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