Carol O'Dell

Do You Need to be Needed?

Do you need to be needed?
Carl Jung called it, “The Wounded Healer.”
Caregivers, whether they come by it willingly or are drug into their caregivingroles, become accustomed to being needed. It’s comforting? and satisfying to know that you have a purpose.
But what do you mean when you say, “wounded healer?” ?Is that a bad thing?
Wounded healer […]

What Are the Death Rattles?

Rattles

Mother has what they call the death rattle.
Every time she takes a breath there?s a rattle. Technically it?s congestive heart failure?the fluid around her heart is building up and her body can?t process it, so it?s filling up in her lungs.
?
I remember when Mother said she had that little kitten in her chest. […]

How to Care-give and Not Kill Yourself in the Process

There’s a new kind of caregiver out there.
She (or he) is a savvy caregiver, isn’t a martyr, and doesn’t look defeated (all the time).
She (I use the feminine pronoun to apply to everyone)?has her act together (in some respects) and isn’t going to let her life and her plans be completely derailed–and yet she loves […]

UTIs (Urinary Tract Infections): Don’t Let Your Elder Suffer in Silence

If you?ve ever had a bladder infection (the common name for UTIs), then you know how very painful they can be.
If you haven?t, let me describe one for you:
Many times, you don?t realize right off what?s wrong.
You?re edgier than normal. You feel ?different down there,? but you?re not sure. Then, you get […]

Mother’s Day When You’ve Lost Your Mother

Writer Carol O’Dell explores her conflicting thoughts and feelings on the fifth Mother’s Day after her mom’s death

When I Miss Her: A Mother’s Day Tribute

It’s the simple things I miss about my mother.
Just two women shopping. Someone to be with. Someone who knows me better than I wanted her to.
Happy Mother’s Day, mom.
I’ll?always?miss you, and I’ll always carry you in my heart.
I hope you enjoy this excerpt from my book, Mothering Mother:
When I Miss Her

I miss Mother when I […]

What I’ve Learned About Caregiving

This June, my mother will celebrate her sixth anniversary “on the other side.”
I can hardly believe it’s been that long. I spent the first year in grief and rebuilding my life.
That’s normal, and you can’t rush it or fix it. It was more like two years, and that’s also “normal.”
That’s how long it takes to […]

Are You a Bad Caregiver? Do You Know One? Signs of Elder Abuse

No, you’re not.
Bad caregivers don’t seek out blogs on caregiving.
They don’t attend caregiving seminars and workshops.
They don’t worry about how they’re treating their loved ones.
Bad caregivers feel completely justified in their actions.
So, lay that aside.
If you lost your temper, it’s okay.
Make a plan on how to avoid it in the future.
Make a plan on how […]

Have You Had Your Happy Fix?

We always think that happiness is “out there.”
When I get a new job, when I take vacation, when I lose 30 pounds, when…
Happiness is not that hard. We make it hard. Happiness is having new eyes. A fresh perspective.
After I moved my mother in with us to care for her, (she had Parkinson’s and Alzheimer’s), […]

Do You Resent Your Sibling For Not Helping You Care Give?

In most families, there is a primary caregiver no matter how many siblings there are. Some try to divvy up the responsibilities, but it?s rarely equal distribution because of differing people?s lives?jobs, distance, abilities, etc. In many families, one sibling gets the brunt of the responsibility.
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And even if you agreed to it, over time, […]