Deb Kosmer

Deb has worked at Affinity Visiting Nurses Hospice for ten years, the first two as a hospice social worker and the last eight as Bereavement Support Coordinator supporting families before and after the death of their loved ones. She provides supportive counseling, developed and facilitates a variety of grief support groups, including a well-attended group for men only as well as other educational events. Deb received her Bachelor’s degree in Social Work from UW-Oshkosh and her Master’s degree in Social Work from UW Milwaukee. She received her certification in Thanatology through ADEC. Her writing has appeared in New Leaf Magazine, We Need Not Walk Alone, Living with Loss, Grief Digest, numerous hospice publications and EAP publications. Some of her poetry on death and dying will be included in a college textbook for social workers in end of life soon. New Leaf has also used some of her poetry for a line of sympathy and anniversary of death cards. On a personal level, Deb's 14-year-old son died after being struck by a car. Her 31-year-old sister had died in a car accident eight months earlier, and her 56-year-old father died from a heart attack exactly three years before. These three unexpected deaths within three years started Deb on a journey she never wanted to be on and she learned first-hand the importance of having the help and support of others. In the years since, she has experienced other losses, the most recent being the unexpected death of her 44-year-old step-daughter who died from complications three months after routine surgery. Deb's passions are writing, reading, education, nature, and family. She is currently working on a book of her grief poetry. She recently moved with her husband to Waypost Camp, Hatley WI. Her husband accepted a job there as Property Manager and his position allows them to live on-site with acres of woods and a lake. She anticipates the quiet beauty to be a strong catalyst for writing.

Articles:

Stumbling Blocks or Stepping Stones

When someone we love deeply dies, many of us feel as though we have lost our way and very unsure of where the path is, let alone what path we are on. Many of us planned on stopping and getting off anywhere but here. When we are headed towards heartbreak, any direction can seem better than the one we are on. Somehow though here we are and there is no turn around or turning back. We are on a one-way road that we never chose. The date our journeys started, the length of time it took, may have been moments, […]

Allowing Others to Support You After a Death

Rebuilding a life isn’t easy especially when we may not want to, feel like it, or know where to start. When just getting out of bed makes us so tired we want to go crawl right back in. When we can hardly remember the way to the grocery store or our best friends phone number, when we don’t feel like cooking or eating or want to eat everything in our sight. When the phone never rings when we need it to and rings all the time when we don’t. When we feel like we have been forgotten and our friends […]

Even Now, We Miss Him

Even now I wonder where the little boy went. The one who could always melt my heart with a look, a touch, a smile. The one who always gave more than he ever took or asked for. The young man who was going to one day play for the Green Bay Packers. The teenager that the phone always rang for. The fourteen year old who still hugged his mom in front of his friends. The young man who knelt beside me in church. The young man who still let me read to him before bed. The young man who was […]

‘I Don’t Wear Hats’

“I don’t wear hats.” “I don’t dance.” “I don’t talk to strangers.” The first statement about was said by a woman at a conference for counselors, a woman who refused to choose and wear a hat for an exercise being done. The second statement is one many of us have heard and some of us have possibly said. The last statement I find incredibly sad. I am not sure who said it but there is a saying that goes, “Strangers are just friends we haven’t met yet.” There is another saying that goes, “I need all the friends I can […]

Vehicles of Healing

Vehicles help us move. They help get us from one place to another. Sometimes the vehicle of choice is our car. Other times it may be a rental car, a bus, a cab, a boat, a bicycle, a hot air balloon, a plane, or even a skateboard. There are many different vehicles to help move us through our grief. The possibilities are endless. Most if not all of us will need to utilize more than one vehicle on our grief journey. The vehicle is just a tool and we have to use the tools that will work for us. Some […]

Grieving Men, Raising Boys

Last night I sat in a room filled with grieving men Some missing a parent or sibling but most a spouse For once not a minority sandwiched within a group of women, but a part of a group connected to one another by gender, death, and heartache. This morning as I looked into the eyes of my 14-month-old grandson I couldn’t help but think of those men who once were little boys and who still carry many of their little boy hurts in their grown-up hearts and adult sized bodies. The pain I heard and felt in that room last […]

Grief, Healing and Time

Today, someone I loved died. I can’t believe it. I don’t believe it. I won’t believe it. Family comes, Friends come. The phone keeps ringing. The doorbell rings again and again. The ringing seems far away. I hear it, but I seem unable to answer. My legs won’t move. My feet won’t move. I am glued to the chair. Others answer for me. They seem to know – I don’t remember how. Tomorrow comes. I didn’t want it to ever come. I wanted to go back to the time before you died. There, I said it. You died. Does that […]

If Only

If only…… If only….. If only……. If only……… If only…….. Most everyone has their share in life of “if only’s.” If only I were better looking, more popular, made more money, lived in a better neighborhood, were more organized, creative, articulate, athletic, had grandchildren, had more faith, had my sister’s curly hair and long eyelashes. So many “if only’s”and” what then’s.” When our loved one dies suddenly we have a whole new list of “if only’s”. On top of everything else, our aching heart, our desperate longing to have our loved one back, our sleepless nights, our lost sense of […]

A Winter’s Day in Grief

Today the ground is covered with last week’s snow and the air is a frigid 29 degrees below zero. There is no pretending winter is not here. Admittedly some people thrive in the winter. It is just their time of year. But for many the long winter months take a toll and contribute to feelings of sadness, depression, and irritability. If you happen to be grieving or re-living the death of a loved one that occurred at this time of year some years ago, these feelings can even be multiplied. Many years ago my son, sister, and father died, my […]

From ‘I’m Tired’ to ‘I’m Glad’

I’m tired of starting the day without you. I’m tired of waiting for the call that never comes. I’m tired of coming home to an empty house. I’m tired of sleeping alone. I’m tired of having no one to tuck in at night. I’m tired of seeing happy families. I’m so tired of feeling alone. I’m so tired of hearing this too shall pass. I’m just so tired of my life. When someone we love dies, we are left to endure so many things. Their death is the big obvious one but slowly we begin to realize there is so […]

Open to Hope is an online community offering inspirational stories of loss, hope and recovery. We believe hope is the bridge between loss and recovery.