Deborah Tornillo

Deborah Tornillo was born and raised in Corpus Christi, Texas by her loving and nurturing parents. She attended the University of San Miguel de Allende, Mexico, where she studied Art. After marrying, raising two daughters and enjoying life with her family, Deborah joined a higher calling by committing to be the primary caregiver for her parents, both of whom were diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in February 2006. In her new collection of memoirs, 36 Days Apart: A memoir of a daughter, her parents and the Beast named – Alzheimer’s: A story of Life, Love and Death, Deborah chronicles the time spent taking care of her mother and father. 36 Days Apart recounts this painful, enlightening journey, and Tornillo writes candidly about the struggles and fears she faced as her parents’ caregiver. As their disease progressed, Tornillo was faced with the difficult task of learning how to be a parent to her own parents. Through the year and a half of caring for them she extensively researched Alzheimer’s in order to provide the best care possible, all the while knowing that the disease would eventually win in the end. 36 Days Apart gives an honest, unflinching look at the realities of caring for and losing loved ones to Alzheimer’s. Tornillo gives the reader an inside look into the day-to-day life she faced during her heartbreaking, difficult time.

Articles:

Poem: Together

Walk alone and you will find Memories of yesterday Can destroy your mind. Visions of death and despair Continue to surface Leaving you with fear. Walk alone and you will find Friends along the way Offering words of kind. Fears of yesterday begin to fade Along side, it’s a new day Walk together, it will be okay. Deborah Ann Tornillo Author, “36 Days Apart” http://www.deborahtornillo.com

Poem: Listen

Can you hear me? Calling out your name I do each and everyday. Can you see me? My tears are for you And, for Daddy too. Can you feel me? Feel my broken heart It’s torn, completely apart. Mom, do you miss me? I miss you so very much And, I miss Dad too. Will I hear you? When you call out my name Everyday I listen, just the same. Deborah Ann Tornillo Author, “36 Days Apart” http://www.deborahtornillo.com

Poem: Hate

It tears my heart apart I hate being sad I hate every minute of it. Nothing stops the pain It is so unbearable I hate every moment of it. I hate feeling this way I just wished It would go away. I hate life right now I hate how I feel. Need to run away. Yes, run and hide To that other side If I just run and hide….. It will be okay.. Deborah Ann Tornillo Author, “36 Days Apart” http://www.deborahtornillo.com

Poem: Dreaming

When I would awaken From a dream so surreal Daddy use to say to me Dreams are not real. It’s just your imagination Running wild and free I’m right here beside you Holding you back to sleep. Daddy, I’m still dreaming And, I’m dreaming of you If dreams are not real Why are you still holding me? Deborah Ann Tornillo Author, “36 Days Apart” http://www.authorsden.com/dtornillo

Poem: Get Over It

My question… How do you get over it? I’ve been recently told To get over it! Do you take a death And, just get over it? Or do you grieve that death And, then get over it? Am I blind at getting over it? Or, do I just get over it? I’ve been told, to just get over it. Okay, I’ll try my best to just get over it. Question…..Will I lose you If I don’t get over it? Then, I guess I will Because, you know what I’ll get over it…….. Deborah Ann Tornillo Author, “36 Days Apart” http://www.authorsden.com/dtornillo

Grief + Fear = Holding On To Hope

My parents were diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in February, 2006 and as their sole caregiver for almost two years the physical and mental toll it placed on me at times was almost unbearable. I feel I was really just beginning to grieve the loss of my parents when my husband was diagnosed with Adenoid Cystic Carcinoma in March, 2009. Adenoid cystic carcinoma (ACC) is a rare cancer, typically originating in the head and neck region. This malignancy has a slow – and sometimes relentless – progression with a tendency to grow along nerves. Particularly high rates of recurrence and metastasis to […]

Poem: I Want To Go Home

I want to go home And, have my parents Shower me with kisses Tender, but strong hugs And, look into their eyes Feeling safe, as their child. I want to go home And, sit with them At their dinner table And, enjoy my mother’s Home cooked meals And, Dad’s story telling. I want to go home And, hold their hands Sit together with them In a peaceful silence As they watch their Favorite television program. I want to go home And, take care of them again Holding them in my arms Kissing their faces And, never letting go. I miss […]

Grief – An Ongoing Journey for Me

“There can be no knowledge without emotion. We may be aware of a truth, yet until we have felt its force, it is not ours. To the cognition of the brain must be added the experience of the soul.” Arnold Bennett (1867-1931) I turned to Hospice when I knew my parents were going to die. They were very compassionate and helped me better understand the process of dying, as well as the emotions that I would experience after their death. I read everything that I could possibly read to learn what I was about to witness with the dying process […]

Poem: Death’s Reality

I wrote this poem over and over in my head for almost two years. I did not write it down on paper until this past August. I was with my mother, holding her hand, staring into her eyes and telling her that I loved her and will never stop loving her and will never forget her. Mom was minutes away from dying, and although I tried preparing myself for her death by reading everything I possibly could about the process of dying, it did not soften the blow. Death’s Reality Decrease in blood pressure… Who will stop the pain As […]

Poem: Breathe

Child, breathe deeply again Time does not heal. It is how you use time To grieve That helps you heal. Dear, God Grief intrudes upon My daily existence. Robbing me of my breath. I have none left. Child, breathe deeply again Gradually it will fade Allowing you to accept The finality of death And, allowing you to Attend to life’s changes. Deborah Ann Tornillo Author, “36 Days Apart” http://www.authorsden.com/dtornillo

Open to Hope is an online community offering inspirational stories of loss, hope and recovery. We believe hope is the bridge between loss and recovery.