Debra Reagan

Debra Reagan lives in East Tennessee with her husband of 33 years. They have one surviving son. Debra is the co-founder of Listening Hearts, http://listening-hearts.memory-of.com/About.aspx a non-profit corporation designed to help bereaved mothers. After some turbulent and confusing experiences, her youngest son, Clint, received the dual diagnosis of bipolar disorder and a drug addiction. Their lives changed forever when Clint died on August 6, 2005, at the age of 20 of an accidental overdose and bronchial pneumonia. Debra can be reached through the website she maintains for her son at www.clint-reagan.memory-of.com. Debra was a guest on the radio show “Healing the Grieving Heart” talking about “Getting Through Mother’s Day.” To hear Debra being interviewed on this show by Dr. Gloria and Dr. Heidi Horsley, click on the following link: www.voiceamericapd.com/health/010157/horsley051007.mp3

Articles:

A Marriage Survives the Loss of a Child

We have been traveling this grief journey after the death of our son, Clint, for seven years. We didn’t know what to expect along the way for ourselves or for the marriage. In the beginning, we stayed together because we had no energy to do otherwise. Then the suggestion was offered, to stay together because no one else could share the same memories of our son. This progressed to let’s stay together for our surviving son. We desperately wanted to be whole again for him. Time continued and we found ourselves communicating more and rebuilding our lives. Time traveled forward […]

Watching for Signs

I sat in the sunshine by the community pool and I overheard several sweet little voices call out, “Watch, Papa, watch.” This universal call of a child reminded me of all the times parents watch their children. For mothers, this watching began the moment she found out about the pregnancy. She watched the foods she ate and she watched with a little nervousness for all the issues in the pregnancy books. Then the precious child arrived and the watching intensified. She even found herself watching the child breathe as he slept. She continued to watch him as he grew. The […]

Our First Christmas Without Clint

My life is divided into before and after, so each holiday or special event that happens my mind rushes back to compare the before and the after. Before Clint’s death, we had the traditional Christmas celebrations. After his death, it was too painful to think of having a Christmas without him. I tried for the sake of others in the family. When I opened the box of Christmas decorations, my heart sank to the lowest depths possible. We all have certain things that hit us the most; for me in the early times it was the Christmas stocking. Stockings had […]

A Father’s Day Tribute to My Husband

With Father’s Day approaching, I would like to take this opportunity to express my love and gratitude to the father of our sons, my husband, Alan. He carried us through those darkest times of early grief after the death of our youngest son, Clint. As I come out of the fog of anguish and begin to re-enter our new normal, I can appreciate all the many ways he cared for us. There were times in the early part of mourning that I was angry at myself, Alan and even Clint. I wanted someone to fix all of this pain. Despite […]

Still With Us: Son Visits Through Signs

The plans were set for a 9-day adventure with my sister. The excitement and anticipation were building. I had to pack carefully as our travels would cover different elevations and therefore different temperatures. The plans were to cover many miles and to experience as much as we could. After hours of traveling by plane and shuttle, I finally arrived at my sister’s house. The time had come and our excursion would begin the next morning. It has been over 7 years since Clint’s death and I often find myself speaking in a prayerful way to the heavens in hopes that […]

The Old Tree Keeps Memories of Boys Grown or Gone

The Old Tree There is an old tree that stands as a giant in our back yard. This tree stood tall on this land years before we built our home. I am thankful to the stranger that planted it. This giant sleeps through the winter winds and comes back to life each year. In the spring its branches hold the homes of many small creatures. Years gone by, the roots doubled as hidden recesses for plastic Easter eggs. This majestic tree still provides cool refreshing shade during the hot days of summer. A tire swing once hung from the mighty […]

Signs and Connections: Graffiti Offers Hope and Assurance

Our youngest son, Clint, died at the age of 20 in 2005. During the early times of my grief, a bereaved mom suggested that screaming was a good outlet for tension. She recounted her screaming sessions. Try as I might, I could not bring myself to scream. Almost 3 years after Clint’s death, I was on a long isolated drive in the west. My sister was on a Rim-to-Rim hike and it was my job to meet her on the other side of the Canyon. The trip took me through miles of roadway on which I never met another car. Suddenly out […]

Signs and Connections: Happiness Returns

My younger sister and I have resided in the same area most of our lives. We have maintained a close connection despite the fact that we’re frequently in different phases in our lives. We normally speak often and participate in each other’s life activities. Then the day came when my sister had the opportunity to move to the Grand Canyon. While living on the rim can be very exciting, it can also pose some problems. Sometimes, the cell phone reception can be challenging. That, added to the simple logistics of moving and then settling into a new life, made the […]

While in Grief, Be Ready to Deal With Others’ Questions

After the death of my child, I was left feeling powerless. It felt as though I had lost everything. Not only did I lose my child, but I felt as though I had lost my hopes, dreams and my previous way of living. I no longer had the confidence I once had. In the beginning, there were so many times I felt the breath had been knocked out of me and I could hardly speak. How could I adequately describe to anyone how I felt? Most days I barely knew my own name. But once the deep pain has eased […]

The End of Grief: ‘Are We There Yet?’

As I open the new 2012 calendar I purchased at the mall, I think about where I have been and where I am going. Is my life what I thought it would be? Absolutely not! Not since the death of my 20-year-old son, Clint, 6 1/2 years ago. After Clint died, I knew I wanted to find some way to make a good life for my family and myself. I was not sure how we would get to our new normal, but that was the goal. Many times I have asked myself the phrase many moms and dads have heard […]

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