Jean Williams

Jean Williams, a freelance writer, lost her young adult son Joshua to suicide in 2004. She lives in Southern Oregon in a mountain valley community where she works on short stories for adults and novels for young people. She grows a large garden on an acre of land with her husband, who is a retired police detective. Jean is the mother of three grown children and grandmother of 12. Jean has been a practicing Christians for 38 years and owes her life to God. Many times after Joshua's death, Jean wished she could join her son in the afterlife, but her faith in God kept her on earth. The last few years have been filled with joy, as Jean reaches out to help others through their grief process. http://joshua-mom.blogspot.com

Articles:

New Normal After a Son’s Suicide

New Normal After a Son’s Suicide Five years after my son’s suicide, I stood at my picture window and smiled at the snowbirds that hovered around the feeder. They spit fluff from the seeds and it floated down, scattering hulls on the ground. A flit of wings and a brown sparrow darted along the grass. After the snowbirds left, I became surprised the sparrow didn’t fly to the food. It continued to eat what fell from the other birds’ beaks. I pitied the feathered creature. It had failed to see there was now room to eat from the bird feeder. […]

Mothers After Suicide: Potent Memories

Watering the Apple Tree Less than a year before he died, our son Joshua watered our apple tree often. I doubted the watering he did would help, because the tree had never given us much fruit. One morning, Joshua watered for a full hour. I shook my head and came outside to discuss the cost of his efforts. I ended my speech with, “Son, I think you’re over watering.” He kept his eyes on the spray. “What makes you think this?” I pointed at the ground. “You’re flooding the tree, and the water bill is too high.” “Mom,” Joshua said […]

Missing a Son During his Birthday Season

As I planted my veggie seeds last spring, I sensed a joy to bring in new life. As I now tear down my garden, I am relieved the work is almost done. I sense a sadness. Why? you may ask. So close to the birthday of my deceased son, Joshua. It’s a very hard season indeed. I am still here. I walk this earth. I work and work to fill my mind and heart with the good that God has allowed me to have. I share my life with others in hopes it may help in some small way, and I’m […]

A Bittersweet Mother’s Day After Son’s Suicide

“I’m having a Mother’s Day Tea,” my friend Becky said on the other end of the phone line, “and am inviting some of our writer friends and a few of the ladies from church.” My heart dipped. Six weeks into grieving my son’s suicide, I didn’t know how I could possibly get through an afternoon without crying. Each afternoon played out the same, and escalated into evenings of tears, tears, and more tears. I did not intend to upset my friends and ruin a tea party, so I said, “That’s so kind of you, Becky, but I’m afraid I can’t […]

The Year of Firsts

Imagine a young son who has struggled his whole life with pain and illness. His parents have cared for his physical needs and felt responsible for his emotional well-being. Now, imagine they are witnessing their twenty-five-year-old son die from a bullet by his own hand. That profound moment began our yearlong of firsts. I know my husband had his own list of firsts, but mine began with disbelief the morning before Saint Patrick’s Day. Each reminder of Joshua not being there was gut wrenching throughout that first year, but there was grace, too, which I never expected. Until Easter, my […]

A Mother’s Heart

A heart grown weary, A soul shattered by loss. How can it be, that I still live, And yet my son does not. As mother Mary, “kept these things,” I pondered in my own heart. Did Mary know her Son would die? As surely, I did not. Mary cried, for her Savior Son. And I, for mine, We have a mother’s heart. Inspired by Luke 1:19, “But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart.” (KJV) The poem above is rough, but it says much about how Mary’s situation kept me going after Joshua died by suicide. […]

Grieving With Help After My Son’s Suicide

We were not left alone after our son, Joshua, died by suicide. People from across the states took the time to listen and some cried with us. It would take pages to mention them by name, but because of who he was to Joshua, I’ll chose one. After Joshua’s memorial, when the hall emptied out and the doors locked, Dana, Joshua’s childhood friend, stood with my husband and me and asked questions. “Why do you think Joshua did this? What was his frame of mind like before it happened?” And other such inquiries. What Dana did from then on was stay […]

Overcoming Fear After Losing Son to Suicide

Fear. Terror. Do these words describe your present state because of loss of a loved one? I know it did mine after our son, Joshua, died by suicide over six years ago. Do I still feel this way from time to time? Yes, but with God’s mercy, I passed through and out of the terror over Joshua being gone. Psalms 56:3 is fitting: “What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee.” (KJV) Hard to practice living that verse? Of course, especially when you’ve lost a child. I walked around full of terror that first year after Joshua left […]

Open to Hope is an online community offering inspirational stories of loss, hope and recovery. We believe hope is the bridge between loss and recovery.