Jill Smoot

I am happily married to my husband, Dwight, and we are blessed with five children, six grandchildren. I am active in my church, and I have been a teacher, bible study leader, and a guest speaker at a women's conference in Oklahoma City. My topic was about children born with cleft palates, which our youngest adopted daughter was born with. I attended junior college, but only one semester. Have traveled to Ukraine three times, as I have relatives living there. Taught myself Russian, so I could converse, but it is very basic.I am an organic " farmer", on a small scale. I am a Master Gardener. I am currently doing book signings, but hope to connect with those involved with mental health. .I am looking for opportunities to share my story of our son, Aaron. to reach out to those who hurt as we still do. To come alongside of those whose lives are torn apart as ours was, and to offer the comfort and hope I found in God.

Articles:

Focus on Hope

It came to me the other day. Almost as a shock. With all the craziness in this year of 2020. With faces hidden behind masks. With people separated from family and friends. With news, and noise, and numbers. I had not been thinking of Aaron so much. I was grieving for others. My prayers were purposeful, not perplexed. “ God help us!” Help US, not just Me. Knowing fully that God can, and does help. He does hear our cries, and He does answer. Sorrow can be so solitary. I know that to be true. But it can strangle, forming a focus on […]

When You Don’t Get to Say Goodbye

During this world pandemic, I identified with a woman on a national newscast interview. She said the hardest thing about her mothers death was that her mom died alone, and she didn’t even get to tell her goodbye. Sudden death is extremely hard. I know. Our oldest son died unexpectedly some years ago. He died alone. There was not any gathering around a hospital bed with family nearby. There were no sweet farewells, no parting last words. Just a phone call one hot August day telling me Aaron had died. All the things you wish you had said, all the […]

Rejoice Even in Times of Sorrow

Some years ago I was given a candle for Christmas called, “ Fallen Snow.” When I lit it, the scent was nothing like the clean, crisp smell of real snow, but something better. The fragrance triggered something intangible within me. Somehow it reached into the memory of the happy years before our son’s death. The aroma was comforting, even joyful. I decided to try to find more of these candles. The search proved futile, and after many inquiries, I gave up. So I lit the candle sparingly, to make it last longer in my early morning quiet time. The lovely […]

The Gift Of Tears and Forgiveness

Recently, I was watching a television interview with a woman who began to apologize to the reporter for “almost crying.” I understood that. Don’t let people see your hurt, don’t be a cry-baby. That was me, seven years before the death of our oldest child. That’s hen everything inside of me underwent radical changes, and these have all been for good in my life. It has been like having my senses heightened to what I have, not what I’ve lost. I found that I could be vulnerable. Like the shedding of tears. Crying for me was a private affair, something I could […]

After Child-Loss, Joy Can Return

After the death of our son, I read a verse in the Bible that said, “weeping may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning.” (Psalm 30:5) I was all too familiar with the first part, as tears wet my pillow night after night. But joy in the morning? No, just a dead feeling of loss. The word “endure” used in older translations was more expressive of its reality. The dictionary defines the word as, “ to bear patiently, to tolerate, exist, last, and to suffer without yielding.” That was all too true for me, especially as just […]

A Christmas Encounter

In late summer, with a record heat index, I went to the store to do some shopping. As I pushed my cart, I came upon aisles of Christmas decorations already displayed even before the pumpkins had arrived. I looked away. I had for these past years purposed to live in the moment, savor each day, not always straining to the next thing, rushing past the blessings that were wrapped in that moment. But the thing about grief is, whether fresh and stinging or scarred over, it can grip your emotions in unexpected places. And in those moments as I viewed […]

Forgiving the Unscrupulous

Our son Aaron was one of the many who suffer from depression and anxiety. He was one of the many who sought help with medication, prescribed by a practicing physician intended to help alleviate this malady. But as it turned out for Aaron and nine others who saw the same doctor, the medication did not help. All of these, including our son, died while under his care. Their deaths were deemed accidental prescription drug overdose. The physician who had administered these drugs has since had his medical license revoked. Those who were his patients were not properly monitored but given […]

Resigned But Not Defeated

There is a poem written in 1848, by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, after the death of his little daughter, Fanny. The poem, “Resignation,” has in one of its stanzas the following: “And though at times impetuous with emotion And anguish long suppressed, The swelling heart heaves moaning like the ocean, That cannot be at rest.” He had recorded in his diary that “ I feel very sad today. I miss very much my dear little Fanny. An inappeasable longing to see her comes over me at times, which I can hardly control.” I find comfort in this poem. […]

Finding a Way From Christmas Sorrow to Christmas Joy

Giving gifts to others has always been for me so meaningful, special. And Christmas seems to symbolize this more than any other time of year. But my first Christmas three months after our son’s death found me drained and wrung out. I didn’t feel like a “gifter”, only an empty-handed “griever”. Sorrow hurts, but it is also an energy thief, robbing one of motivation to do even simple tasks. All the festive things I usually did at this time of year, I now dreaded. Mailing cards to family and friends with new updates felt overwhelming. Why could I just not crawl […]

Weeping With Those Who Weep: Supporting Others in Grief

At a friend’s home recently, I had the privilege of becoming acquainted with a dear woman who is 94 years young. As we were seated together in a cozy spot, she began to tell me about herself. It wasn’t too long before she related to me that her daughter had passed away. But then she paused, looked intently at me and said, “ You probably have never known the loss of an adult child.” I quietly responded back that, as a matter of fact, I had. Then she leaned forward slightly and said, “Then you know how I feel. “ […]

Open to Hope is an online community offering inspirational stories of loss, hope and recovery. We believe hope is the bridge between loss and recovery.