Judy Lipson

I am a sister who sadly lost both my sisters. I lost my younger beloved sister Jane died at age 22 in an automobile accident in 1981, and my older beloved sister Margie passed away at age 35 after a 20-year battle with anorexia and bulimia in 1990. I am the sole surviving sibling. As the Founder and Chair of “Celebration of Sisters,” this annual ice skating fundraiser honors and commemorates the lives and memories of my beloved sisters to benefit Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston, MA. The event is scheduled the first Sunday in November as Jane’s birthday was November 6th and Margie’s November 8th. We celebrate all lost siblings, their legacies as they live on in all of us. Since the inception of Celebration of Sisters in 2011, I have embarked on the journey to mourn the losses of my beloved sisters that had been suppressed for 30 years. The process unmistakably the greatest challenging time in my life proved to be the most empowering, enlightening and freeing. Now that I am allowing my sisters and their memories to return to my heart where they truly belong, I am re-discovering myself, happier and more at peace. Ice skating is a sport shared by me and my sisters and a chord throughout my life. It has brought me full circle to pay tribute to my sisters and bring me joy, peace, healing and the recipient of the US Figure Skating 2020 Get Up Award. My memoir Celebration of Sisters: It is Never Too Late To Grieve will be published in December 2021. It is my goal to advocate for sibling loss to insure surviving siblings are neither alone nor forgotten.

Articles:

Gratitude While Grieving

Gratitude While Grieving I do not believe in making New Year’s resolutions, but believe in stating what I am grateful for. After all that we have lost, how are we different today than a year ago? How has our perspective on things changed? And what are we grateful for? In December, we welcomed grandson number two who arrived five weeks early. So grateful he is in good health, home, thriving and has the love of family around him. I recall the birth of grandson number one and how my emotions bubbled up, the contrast of extreme feelings of joy to […]

Speak Their Names

My parents never spoke about my beloved sisters Margie and Jane as the pain too hard for them. I followed their lead and did not mention Margie and Jane. For years when asked how many siblings I had, my breath stopped, and I answered, “Just me.” Tt’s a challenging question for almost all bereaved siblings. Today I state, “I am the middle of three, and sadly, I lost both my sisters.” When Jane died, someone said to me, “There will be a day when you will forget your sister.” For years, this haunted me. I lost memories and squashed any […]

No Recipe for Grief

No Recipe for Grief I reread the rabbi’s eulogy from my sister Jane’s funeral. He had said, “There is no satisfactory answer to understanding why bad things happen to good people. Not all questions have answers. Unanswered ‘whys’ are a part of life. The way to face tragedy is with love. Use the love we had for Jane to forgive ourselves.” Focusing on his words helped me knock down roadblocks to forgiving myself. Regrets was another word associated with forgiveness. I had so many regrets I could have built a house of them. Why didn’t I reach out to someone? […]

The Power of Being with Others in Grief

Like a Warm Blanket I was fortunate to attend and present at the 45th Compassionate Friends National Conference in Houston, TX, at the beginning of August 2022. Being with others in grief, especially others who had lost siblings, felt like coming home and being hugged by a warm blanket. Many emotions bubbled to the surface that I had kept dormant for decades. For silenced years about my beloved sisters Margie and Jane, the freedom and security to be open about my grief, and hearing my thoughts articulated and validated by my fellow bereaved siblings felt like a butterfly, the symbol […]

Board Games Connect Us to Siblings

A Passion for Board Games At a recent conference I attended, one of the presenters shared her passion for board games. This sparked a memory of my beloved sisters Margie, Jane and I. Rather than ignore, suppress or forget, a smile came to my face. Memories I thought were lost bubbled to the surface. Growing up, my sisters and I spent time playing downstairs in the basement with the black and white linoleum floor. A closet housed the board games. I can envision the shelves packed with Candyland, Chutes and Ladders, Sorry, Operation, Mousetrap, and Twister to name a few. […]

Honoring Our Beloved Siblings

Honoring our Siblings How we honor our siblings is personal. It may be a poem, song, fundraiser, inner thoughts, private moments, or a visit to the grave site. For me, it has been a decade of an ice-skating fundraiser, Celebration of Sisters, that ended on November 7th, the fortieth anniversary of the death of my sister Jane. Ten years of marking the memories of my beloved sisters Margie and Jane, shared with others in a sport we all shared as girls. As a private person, not only talking about sisters, but the shy middle sister getting out and performing in […]

What is the Recipe for Grief?

What is the recipe for grief? There is no recipe for grief. Years after the deaths of my sisters, my complicated grief program required that I incorporate self-compassion into my practice of forgiveness. I learned to repeat this thought: I did the best I could at the time. I am amazing now. These words were crucial. As a figure skater, I thought of this like learning a new element on the ice. I’d break down the element into segments, put the pieces back together, and practice the skill over and over hundreds of times until it was mastered. Thirty Years […]

Death Anniversaries are Powerful Days

The dates are forever etched in our minds and hearts – the death anniversaries of our siblings. The calendar need not remind us; our bodies and minds tell us as the date is approaching. My sleep pattern changes, I experience outbursts of tears or crying spells, and my heart hurts. No rhyme or reason, it seems. Some years are more painful than others;. Why is this so? There are no answers. Grief paints its own picture. Death Anniversaries May Take Us By Surprise Last August 1st marked the 31st anniversary of the death of my sister Margie. This year seemed […]

Music Can Help Us Grieve

Music is Healing and Meaningful Music has always enriched my life, shared with my beloved sisters, Margie and Jane. As girls, we loved attending Broadway musicals. We listened to the recordings beforehand and sang the songs in our head as the actors performed on stage. Some of our favorites included The Sound of Music, Funny Girl, and Fiddler on the Roof. Now, this same music helps me grieve. I realize that because, when I moved to downtown Boston, my collection of old records left in the basement for nineteen years was intact, along with my sisters’ records. I was astounded […]

Practice Self-Compassion When Grieving

Why is grief still such an uncomfortable word for so many? It is a conversation that makes some people cringe. They do not have the tools to say, “I’m sorry, I can’t understand, please enlighten me.” I hope that by initiating more openness and discussions, the pattern will change. My message to others is practice self-compassion when grieving. For me, the path took thirty years to mourn my beloved sisters Margie and Jane. When ready to commence, break down the walls, an entire breadth and depth of my life ensued. There will always be a hole in my heart, but […]

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