Kevin Quiles

Kevin Quiles, M.Div., M.A, has provided spiritual and bereavement counseling to elderly and dying individuals and their families since 1998. He earned his Bachelor of Arts Degree in 1987 and attained a Masters of Divinity Degree with Emphasis in Counseling in 1995, before completing over two years of clinical-pastoral education under professional supervision. Quiles earned a Master of Arts Degree in Community Counseling at a CACREP accredited university and is now practicing supervised psychotherapy in the greater Atlanta area of Georgia, specializing in couple therapy, trauma, and grief. The author is also a member of the American Academy of Psychotherapists. His experience with thousands of patients in hospitals, assisted living facilities, and in their own homes gives him the insight and humility to write on the subject of spiritual care. The author has also penned six articles, including "Embracing the Elderly Patients' Wish to Die," and "Power Patterns within Professional Relationships." Dipped in a narrative format, Spiritual Care teaches the sacred art of end-of-life counseling to family members, students, volunteers, faith community lay and professional ministers, and therapists.

Articles:

Death as Part of Who We Are

We hear a lot about befriending unwanted parts of ourselves. So I wondered if this same language could be applied to our own awaiting destiny. After all like any part that makes up a whole, death is born with us and dies with us. It is an intricate part of who we are and has its own set of expressions. CDT (Conversing with Death Education & Therapy) states that within every person is an untouched unconscious that contains a death quality, a part if you will. This quality contains the voice of mystery and wisdom regarding death-and-dying. (The variation between […]

Ten Things a Dying Loved One Might Want You to Know

1) You don’t have to be a hero. Let’s face it! As caregivers, we wish to help. Unfortunately, the line between being altruistic and becoming a rescuer is thin. 2) Keep your anxiety to yourself! We often talk about how patients/loved ones displace their emotions onto us. Well…caregivers do the same. How do we know when we have dumped our anxiety onto another? When he or she says what we want them to say. 3) Live! I can’t tell you how many times hospice patients told me how they would take life lighter if they could do it all over again. […]

Grief and the Right Side of the Brain

We often approach grief from a logical perspective. We listen, analyze, validate obvious emotions, and try to arrive at helpful conclusions. However, grief is much more complicated than simply identifying a loss, categorizing the pain, and discovering fresh themes on moving forward. Pain and suffering contain multifaceted undercurrents that transcend conscious awareness. Research (e.g., Allan Schore, Daniel Siegel) suggests that we live daily from two sides of our brain, each equipped with its own method of storing and utilizing information. Taken into discussions on grief, the concept implies that we grieve from two sides of the brain as well, the […]

Turning Over a New Faith

Today, some have seriously thought of exchanging a theology once handed down to them by family members for another belief system that in their minds can better tackle the questions that accompany pain. God, as they understand God, just doesn’t seem to ease the emotional and mental anguish brought about by unexpected and vicious events. My hope in this brief letter is to inspire those of you who are experiencing such a theological shift. Unlike a call to maintain the “faith of your fathers,” my goal here is to encourage you to grab hold of whatever new ideas that bring […]

Fear Stops Others From Empathizing

After any significant loss, we feel empty, lost, and engulfed with indescribable pain. One grueling process in grief work is connecting our feelings and state of being with words. However, once we get passed this hurdle, something else surfaces. We learn quickly that people cannot fully understand. As a father who lost his first child, I know that feeling very well. Trying to educate a world what it’s like to lose a 5 ½-week-old daughter can prove exhausting. In this short article, I hope to universalize this common but unpleasant experience so that when a parent, sibling, friend, or faith […]

Kevin Quiles Has New Book on Spiritual Care to Elderly

Spiritual Care to Elderly and Dying Loved Ones is now available. Using over a decade of experience as a spiritual and bereavement counselor, author Kevin Quiles, M.Div. — who is an Open to Hope contributing writer — provides strategies and tools to tackle pressing questions about end-of-life care. Families, friends, faith communities, ministers, and healthcare professionals will find the stories contained in the book both helpful and insightful. Dr. Kenneth Doka calls it “a most useful and practical resource.” Mim Eichler Rivas, coauthor of the book, Pursuit of Happyness, refers to it as “a much needed companion for anyone traveling the difficult road.” And Thomas […]

Military Families: The Shock of ‘Killed in Action’

One early weeknight, I accompanied military personnel to announce the most dreaded news that any family could receive. Once we arrived at the address, we walked up to the lighted front door and knocked. A few seconds later, the owner opened the door while blocking the entrance. We introduced ourselves and verified his name. Then the curious father learned that his son had been killed in action. The gentleman stood speechless. Moments later, his wife came down the stairs. “Who is it?” she asked as her husband widened the door for the curious family member to see the two visitors […]

God Doesn’t ‘Zap’ Those Who Express Emotion

In my twelve years as spiritual counselor, I have seen men and women choke back their feelings while simultaneously defending the Almighty who supposedly allowed the devastating events to take place. Unfortunately, both smothering of emotions and advocating for the divine have serious consequences. In this snippet of an article, I propose that emotional congestion in the name of God comes at an enormous price—freezing the flow of grief, relational complications, and an unfulfilled sense of self. An opposite course, namely, embracing all facets of emotional labor pains as part of a healing passageway, adds to personal and interpersonal growth. Contrary […]

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