Mary Jane Hurley Brant

Mary Jane Hurley Brant, M.S.,CGP, is a practicing psychotherapist for 37 years who specializes in grief. She is author of the book, When Every Day Matters: A Mother’s Memoir of Love, Loss and Life. In this first person narrative M.J. addresses the suicide of her father when she was 13 and the life and death of her daughter, Katie, of a brain tumor. She is the founder of Mothers Finding Meaning Again. MJ can be reached through her website www.MaryJaneHurleyBrant.com

Articles:

A Bereavement Group – For Mothers Only

Six years ago this January, I shared a cup of tea with a grieving friend following the sudden loss of her son. I had an understanding of how she felt because I had lost a daughter a few years previously. While we sipped our tea I asked my friend what she thought about me starting a no-cost bereavement group for mothers who have lost children. As a practicing certified group psychotherapist for 34 years, I felt there was a need for this kind of specialty group and I was called to do it. My friend said to count her in […]

Happy Mother’s Day to Every ‘Good-Enough Mother’

For many of us, Mother’s Day stirs something deeply loving. For others, ambivalent feelings abide. You see, after thirty-three years in the counseling field and drying the tears off many faces, I can accurately say that not every woman feels she had, was or is the “good-enough mother.” So, exactly what is the “good-enough mother”? English pediatrician, Donald Winnicott, M.D. – an influential object-relations psychoanalyst – believed this type of mother was a different kind of mom because she didn’t hold perfectionism as her model. Good on you, Doc Winnicott; that’s “a like” button over here for sure. Honestly, I […]

Helping a Close Friend Deal With Bereavement

No one wants to see a friend suffering from grief but when our friend has lost someone they care deeply about they will have to grieve. Grieving is the natural emotional response to loss. It’s a painful emotion to observe in anyone but even more so when it’s our friend. No one wants to see a friend sad. It’s instinctual that we wish to ease their pain. Sometimes, because we cannot change the fact that someone has died, we feel we cannot be helpful. While it is true we cannot bring the deceased person back to our grieving friend; we […]

The 10th Anniversary of 9/11: How You Can Help

On September 11, 2011, we remember the 10th anniversary of the day when nearly 3,000 victims were killed after two airliners were crashed into the Twin Towers in New York City, another plane hit the Pentagon, and a final plane crashed into a field in rural Pennsylvania. In 2001, the barrage of bruising images from that fateful day imprinted, pained and wounded our collective psyches. The killing of innocent and unarmed people touched our nation’s heart with universal feelings of sadness and, as a country, we are forever changed. We also didn’t know where to turn with fracturing losses of […]

Father’s Day Brings Fond Memories of ‘Grandpop’

My Grandpop was a legend in my small hometown mostly because of his many “unusual hobbies” – like counting how many flies he could swat on a front porch glider on any given August day. As scores of commuters rushed by our house, they regularly shouted, “Hello, Pop, how many flies today?” Grandpop, pushing 90 by then, responded with enormous numbers. He was never without his gray wool cardigan, a felt hat that he tipped for the ladies and a smile for those friendly passersby. Of course, that was outside, for strangers. Inside, he predictably fought my mother about taking […]

Hats Off to a World War II Vet

Yesterday was a wonderful day. While standing in line at the pharmacy, the gentleman behind me smiled. I don’t go to the CVS to make friends, but somehow yesterday I did. This older fellow’s smile, along with his vet’s hat, was engaging. He looked too young to have been in WWII so I asked him. “Yes, I was in the Navy, this was my ship. (He pointed to his hat.) Spent a good deal of time in New Guinea and the South Pacific.” He was tall, tan and handsome. I thought he must have been just a kid back then. […]

Grief Has Its Own Timetable

After the death of someone we love, our grief experience and overall healing has everything to do with our relationship to the deceased, the intensity and depth of the love we felt for them, and our degree of faith in a hereafter. In the immediate aftermath of a person’s death, it’s hard to breathe and everything hurts. We feel shattered, bewildered and frightened. Sometimes, however, grief shows us its own timetable and can be delayed or complicated. I experienced a long delay in time sequence when my father died. I was thirteen years old; it was the springtime of my […]

Accepting Change Can Bring Peace

In my younger days, I was naive enough to think I could control change. I’ve learned, but not quickly enough, that no one can control or stop change. And, here is an interesting little fact: Charles Darwin believed that those people who survive are the ones who can adapt to ongoing change. That thought of survival brings me to today’s topic of change and how to understand it a little better. First, that things will change is predictable and inevitable. Think of those individuals you know who, despite painful adversity, have been able to go on even after their world […]

Elizabeth Edwards Embodied The Hero Archetype

Many are mourning the death of Elizabeth Edwards. I would like to share some thoughts of my own about why we are gripped by her life’s story. I believe Elizabeth Edwards embodies two archetypes: the mother and the hero. I will focus on the hero archetype believing it is the more prominent. Just as Odysseus was asked to leave his routine life because something serious occurred, we also may be called to do something heroic. We might be called to save our king, our country, our friend, or ourselves. And because the task is arduous, we may not want to […]

Thanksgiving Day Can Be Painful

When you lose someone you love, Thanksgiving Day feels burdensome and painful. When a brain tumor took away our precious Katie’s life, I dreaded that holiday. For seven years, we served no rutabagas because they were Katie’s favorite vegetable. The thought of their seasonal aroma wafting through our home without her in it was too much to bear. I don’t share this part of me today to make my readers sad. I share it because you are my extended family and I am yours. We are all fellow travelers. When we suffer loss we question if we will ever overcome […]

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