Michelle Jarvie

Michelle Jarvie is an author, educator, and mentor from Minneapolis, Minnesota. She began her career in mediation and business analysis after obtaining a master’s in public policy. Within two years of graduation, she married and lost her husband, James, to a motor vehicle crash. While searching for hope and coping mechanisms, Michelle quit her job, learned how to remodel a house, and sought trauma and grief counseling. Sixteen months after her loss, she started volunteering to read with two fifth grade girls who desperately needed a dependable, caring adult in their lives. As a result of this opportunity, Michelle decided to pursue a teaching license in English education. Since graduation in 2011, she has been teaching creative writing, writers’ workshop, and global literature courses at the high school level. She also regularly speaks to large and small groups of teenagers about grief, depression, and moving forward (not “moving on”). She loves to bring in Star Trek stories and quotes about grief to supplement her own. Michelle remarried in June 2013 and, with her new husband Sean, is expecting her first child in February 2015. They love to travel leisurely, stop for great food, and philosophize about changing the world.

Articles:

What Makes Sudden Death So Different?

It’s not just that we “didn’t get to say goodbye.” That common phrase, often associated with sudden death, is far too simplistic when unpacking the reality of completely unexpected deaths: accidents, homicides, suicides, sudden natural causes (e.g. heart attack, brain hemorrhage) and serious illnesses where death is unforeseen (e.g. epilepsy). SHOCK The scientific community explains that if our bodies did not go into shock as we face our new reality, the tragedy would overwhelm our system to such an extent that we would die. In this way, the shock reaction – numbness, fog, autopilot – protects us. However, it can […]

A Young Widower’s Marathon, Part 2: Healing, Resilience and Dating

Andy Guice’s life forever changed when he met his wife. She uplifted and encouraged him in ways he’d never known. Then she underwent three rounds of chemotherapy for ovarian cancer and suffered a terrible death during just before their third wedding anniversary. He was 31 years old. The first part of this interview series covered her illness and the many difficult months following her death. Months that held suicidal ideation and intensive therapy. The remainder of his interview now follows, revealing wisdom and hope that have changed him once again. JARVIE: What truths about life have you learned from your […]

A Young Widower’s Marathon, Part 1: Cancer and its Aftermath

The night of April 21, 2016, I opened my email and saw the following subject: “My dentist, Melanie, gave me your name as a fellow griever…” I thought back to my last cleaning and kind dentist who always remembered and asked about my journey. As I clicked on Andy Guice’s name and began to read his message, unveiling the heartbreak of cancer and young widowhood, I most recognized the plea to not feel alone. I stayed up late that night, meditating on his words and what I could offer in return. I was 23 when my husband was killed on […]

My Second Chapter: Life, Marriage, Family

Many people ask me, What’s it really like being re-married? My widow(er) friends want to know if I’m as happy as I was in my first marriage, if I compare my two husbands, why I’d risk being a widow again, and most importantly, if my new husband is understanding. Can you talk about James with him? Is he jealous? My other, non-widow, friends want to know if I’m happy and if I ever think about James anymore (that is, the friends who aren’t uncomfortable acknowledging his death). If we throw my writing into the conversation: Do you think your articles about James […]

Lunch Date with Resilience: Sisu After Pregnancy Loss

“I like the concept of Sisu: perseverance, guts, determination. But I also think that’s what gets me in trouble.” With family hailing from Finland, Sisu is a common household word, encouraging bravery and resilience. But for my new friend, Heather, it’s extra pressure that makes her feel like she should be able to “do it all on my own.” When she lost her first baby at 20 weeks, after years of dealing with the agony of infertility, confidence was at an all-time low. Heather and her husband started trying to have kids in 2009, and ended up spending multiple […]

Lunch Date with Resilience: Not Everything Happens ‘For a Reason’

“You can go two ways when you have a tragedy,” she began as she unrolled her white, pressed napkin. “You can be the victim, or you can change your story.” On July 6, 2016, I was honored to have lunch and conversation about loss, the lasting impact of fatal crashes, mindsets, and motherhood with a woman who exudes optimism and honesty. Sometimes, it seems those two traits don’t often go together, as harsh realities make it difficult to live with a glass-half-full mentality. Now in her late-thirties with four children (one adopted), my new friend, Nicole Roufs, finds healing […]

Go Ahead, Judge Me for My Tattoos: How Memorial Tattoos Help

“What an idiotic thing – to deface your own body,” an uncle said after I got my first tattoo. He wasn’t interested in the story behind it. Like many people, he’s one that goes through life without checking his assumptions and, as a result, often misses the opportunity to see beauty in unexpected places. Contrary to popular opinion, most tattoos are not butterflies in the small of a woman’s back or skulls and crossbones on men’s shoulders. Recent reports describe the most common tattoo now as tribal, connecting to natural scenes and animals that depict inner strength, spirituality, or […]

Blueprint for a Difficult Conversation: How to Stand Up for What You Need

In my last published article for OpenToHope, I shared the letter I wish I could’ve received after my husband was killed. It focused on validation and simplifying expectations for the truly important things to do in those initial months. It also held hope: for various coping mechanisms, helping others through grief, and in someday being a mother. Today I want to share another letter with you, one that helped save a relationship when I was intensely grieving and beyond angry with the world. Written seven years earlier, it concentrates on what is helpful and unhelpful while processing loss. For me, […]

A Letter to Myself (as a New Widow)

I’ve always been a planner. When I was 8, I had Christmas presents wrapped and cards made in July. When I was 14, I researched all of my college options. When I was 19 and graduated college, I knew that 26 was going to be the best year of my life. After all, at 26, you’re deep into a career, are likely married, own your own home, and are financially stable and wise enough to provide for kids. When the plan sped up and I found and married my best friend at 22 years old, we decided to live in […]

The Place of Transition: Finding Purpose After Loss

The following is a sermon by Michelle D. Jarvie, written as a reflection on Isaiah 61 for an Advent Service of Remembrance and Hope. “I wanted a perfect ending. Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it without knowing what’s going to happen next.” Those words are found in a memoir called It’s Always Something by actress Gilda Radner. Two particularly hard losses for her were the […]

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