Monica Novak

Monica Novak became a bereaved mother in 1995 with the stillbirth of her daughter Miranda, learning firsthand the devastation of saying goodbye to a much-loved, much-wanted baby before having the chance to say hello. Three weeks later, she began a journey towards healing when she attended her first Share support group meeting. Along the way, she and six other bereaved mothers formed a close bond that carried them through the grief of miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant death, as well as the challenges of subsequent pregnancy and infertility. Having been at the opposite ends of grief and joy; despair and hope; indifference and compassion; fear and peace-sometimes simultaneously-she has captured these emotions and the story of her journey in a highly-praised new memoir titled The Good Grief Club. Monica writes and speaks on the subject of pregnancy loss and infant death and is involved with local and national organizations that provide support to families and caregivers. She is a member of the Pregnancy Loss and Infant Death Alliance (PLIDA). Her mission is to bring comfort and hope to bereaved parents worldwide and to educate and promote awareness to the physicians, nurses, clergy, counselors, family, and friends of every mother or father who has or ever will be told that their baby has no heartbeat or that nothing more can be done. The mother of three daughters, Monica lives in the Chicago area with her husband, children, and a rat terrier named Sami. For more information, please visit www.thegoodgriefclub.com or e-mail Monica at monica@thegoodgriefclub.com Monica appeared on the radio show “Healing the Grieving Heart” discussing ”Miscarriage and Infant Loss.” To hear Monica being interviewed on this show by Dr. Gloria & Dr. Heidi Horsley, go to the following link: https://www.voiceamerica.com/episode/34073/miscarriage-and-infant-loss

Articles:

When a Miscarriage Occurs After Fertility Treatments

By Kira Copperman, LMSW – Being a patient at a fertility clinic brings moments of anxiety, hope, excitement, fear, and stress. The time and effort to become pregnant can feel like an emotional roller coaster and certainly a different route to conception than one may have imagined. A Harvard Medical School study showed that patients going through fertility treatments experience comparable levels of stress to patients who are going through treatment for cancer and heart disease. This is no surprise as patients experience the daily, weekly, sometimes hourly ups and downs as they are progressing through their treatment. The focus […]

Horror of Pregnancy Loss Inspires Mother to Grow

By Suzanne Schafer – My husband and I lost a baby during the middle of my pregnancy. From the first moment the doctor told me, with a deep, pained look on his face, that our baby had passed away, I felt grave sorrow in my heart which surged down to my core. Shortly after this shattering moment, the doctor informed us that the safest way to remove our baby was to go to an abortion clinic. As those words slipped from his lips, my heart seized and my body gasped for air. The alternatives, he explained, were too dangerous and […]

What Makes Pregnancy Losses Unique

by Irv Leon, Ph.D. – People who suffer miscarriages and stillbirths grieve over a baby they do not know. Understanding how these losses are different from other losses helps to appreciate the distinct way they are mourned. Here are several ways that pregnancy loss is unique. 1. It can feel less real. When you grieve, you typically recall the beloved with longing memories – his/her voice, face, treasured interactions. With pregnancy loss, there are no such memories to grieve. There is silence and blankness instead, haunting dreams for the future rather than memories of the past. This is why it is usually helpful […]

The Good Grief Club is Born

By Monica Novak I didn’t see it coming. None of us did. How could we? For Heidi, Tracy, Wendy, and me, it came with the words, “There’s no heartbeat.” For Dawn, Beth, and Darlene, the crushing blow was, “There?s nothing more we can do.” Miscarriage, stillbirth, infant death–these were things that happened to other people. Until they happened to us. Except for Beth and Heidi, none of us knew each other before our losses that began in 1994. One by one we were led to a monthly support group for pregnancy and infant loss at a suburban Chicago hospital where […]

The Good Grief Club

by Monica Novak – I didn’t see it coming. None of us did. How could we? For Heidi, Tracy, Wendy, and me, it came with the words, “There’s no heartbeat.” For Dawn, Beth, and Darlene, the crushing blow was, “There’s nothing more we can do.” Miscarriage, stillbirth, infant death-these were things that happened to other people. Until they happened to us. Except for Beth and Heidi, none of us knew each other before our losses that began in 1994. One by one we were led to a monthly support group for pregnancy and infant loss at a suburban Chicago hospital […]

Myth Conceptions of Parental Grief

by David Hurley – Over the past several years I have heard several people make ridiculous and shocking statements regarding parental grief. Most of the time they think they can help, and usually they are well meaning folks. They are comfortable in their ignorance of the realities associated with the loss of a child. Many of the statements have been heard from more than one source so they are common “knowledge.” Those inexperienced in this loss have accepted this conventional “wisdom.” They want to share it with everyone because it somehow seems logical. I call these beliefs “mythconceptions.” They are […]

How to Support a Friend Who is Grieving a Miscarriage or Infant Death

By Chellie Bonebrake – The death of an infant or a miscarriage is so sad. Many times it’s difficult to know what to say, how to say it, and of course you may be wondering what not to say. Often those worries keep people from reaching out to support friends and loved ones who are experiencing this loss. Receiving support and condolences is very important to the grief process. This article is written to assist you in supporting a grieving parent. FIRST OF ALL, WHAT HELPS: 1. I’m sorry. This simple sentence conveys so much. It means you care, you […]

Pregnancy After Pregnancy Loss

By Dr Lina Kaplan – Pregnancy loss presents a formidable challenge to bereaved parents. Grieving parents often report a profound sense of isolation and alienation at the time when they most need support. Many people do not fully appreciate the attachment that already has formed between the parents and their unborn child, nor the symbolic losses associated with pregnancy loss. Grieving parents, therefore, often feel their loss is minimized and trivialized (“it is all for the best”, “you are young, you’ll be pregnant in no time”) and feel both internal and external pressure to “move on.” One way in which […]

Helping a Friend Who Loses a Child

The Message By Betsy Bottino Arenella – My spiritual awakening began on December 11, 2004, with a life-altering phone call. I was walking down the front hall stairs in a bathrobe, my wet hair wrapped in a towel, when I saw my husband standing at the bottom. He was holding the telephone and looking up at me with a strange expression. “Bad news,” my husband said. “Sophia passed away last night.” My legs buckled and I fell into a sitting position on the stairs. Sophia was my best friend Melyné’s rosy-cheeked, active toddler. She had turned one the week before […]

Remembering a Child Who Lived a Short Life

By Jenny Hander – One of the greatest tragedies in losing a baby is that you don’t get the chance to form enough memories to carry you through a lifetime of living without them. It isn’t that you forget to remember; it is that you don’t have many memories to recall. Though I think of my sweet daughter every day, there are some days I feel as though I created her in my own mind. I ask myself, “Was she ever really here?” I know that she was, but she was here such a short time and so much time […]

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