Marty Tousley

As both a bereaved parent and a bereaved daughter herself, Marty Tousley, RN, MS, FT, DCC has focused her practice on issues of grief, loss and transition for more than 40 years. She joined Hospice of the Valley in Phoenix, AZ as a Bereavement Counselor in 1996, and for ten years served as moderator for its innovative online grief support forums. She obtained sole ownership of the Grief Healing Discussion Groups in October, 2013, where she continues to serve as moderator. A frequent contributor to health care journals, newsletters, books and magazines, she is the author of Finding Your Way through Grief: A Guide for the First Year: Second Edition, The Final Farewell: Preparing for and Mourning the Loss of Your Pet, and Children and Pet Loss: A Guide for Helping. She has written a number of booklets for Hospice of the Valley including Explaining the Funeral /Memorial Service to Your Children and Helping Another in Grief, as well as monthly columns, e-books and online e-mail courses for Self-Healing Expressions, addressing various aspects of grief and loss. With her special interest in grief and the human-animal bond, Marty facilitated a pet loss support group for bereaved animal lovers in Phoenix for 15 years, and now serves as consultant to the Pet Loss Support Group at Hospice of the Valley and to the Ontario Pet Loss Support Group in Ontario, Canada. Her work in pet loss and bereavement has been featured in the pages of Phoenix Magazine, The Arizona Republic, The East Valley Tribune, Arizona Veterinary News, Hospice Horizons, The Forum (ADEC Newsletter), The AAB Newsletter, Dog Fancy Magazine, Cat Fancy Magazine, Woof Magazine and Pet Life Magazine. Marty’s Grief Healing website and blog offer information, comfort and support to anyone who is anticipating or mourning the loss of a loved one, whether a person or a cherished companion animal. She is certified as a Fellow in Thanatology (Death, Dying and Bereavement) by the Association for Death Education and Counseling, as a Distance Credentialed Counselor by the Center for Credentialing and Education, and as a Clinical Specialist in Adult Psychiatric/Mental Health Nursing Practice by the American Nurses Association. Marty and her husband Michael have two grown sons and four grandchildren. They spend their winters in Scottsdale, AZ and Sarasota, FL, and enjoy their summers in Traverse City, MI. Marty welcomes reader questions and comments, and can be contacted at tousleym@aol.com or through her Web sites, at GriefHealing.com, GriefHealingBlog.com, and GriefHealingDiscussionGroups.com.

Articles:

When Grieving an Abandonment

Question from a reader: I was informed that my mother died, and I am grieving. My mother left me when I was a little girl. It hurt. I denied it for 40 years. So far, I have attended two different bereavement groups. Both are filled with people who are grieving a loved one. I am not. I do not have a string of memories of our times together to talk about how she taught me how to bake a pie, helped me plan my wedding, helped me through my divorce, paid for college, took care of my kids while I […]

Can We Ever ‘Accept’ Death of Loved One?

Question from a reader: This just isn’t something I can live with. I want to see my dad more than anything in the world. I can’t even go near the words “closure” or “accept.” My friend, who never lost anyone, even a pet, in her life, told me in a matter-of-fact, cheery voice, “You gotta get over it, right? Pick yourself up. Go out and live life. Your dad would have wanted you to be out there, I bet.” I almost hung up on her. I know she meant well, but I was so upset by that. My own reaction […]

Parental Grief in the Wake of Homicide

Question from a reader: I’m writing this letter in hopes of finding some peace. It will be three years next month that my son was murdered. He was only 18. His mother and I were divorced when he was very young. At that time it was heart- breaking, knowing I would only see my son every other weekend. The years went by ever so quickly. Then he reached the tender teenage years and it seemed I lost control. My son was changing for the worst and there was nothing I could do to stop it. His mother and I had […]

‘Distance Counseling’: What is It, How Does it Work?

The electronic age is spawning a new way of delivering counseling services, one in which clients and their counselors connect with each other by telephone, e-mail or other electronic means. Recognizing this trend, many counselors are seeking special training and certification in “counseling from a distance,” thereby expanding their repertoire of support. A Distance Credentialed Counselor (DCC) is nationally recognized as a professional with training in best practices in distance counseling. Distance counseling takes the best practices of traditional counseling, as well as some of its own unique methods, and adapts them for delivery to individuals via electronic means (such […]

Helping Grandchildren with Pet Loss

By – Marty Tousley, RN, MS, FT, DCC Question: I very sadly had to euthanize my wonderful dog of 8 years last night. She has been with me with so many other losses and helped me through. Now here I am and at a loss without her. I am having a terrible time but am contacting you to help with my two grandchildren, who are ages 6 and 3. They live across the street and have grown up with our Great Dane Suzanna, and I am at a loss as to what to say to them that they will understand. They […]

Coping as You Anticipate a Loss

By Marty Tousley, RN, MS, FT, DCC Grief does not wait for death to happen; it occurs both in anticipation of and following a loss. Extended illness, disability, severe accidental injury, a terminal diagnosis or the aging and decline of an elderly family member can produce what is known as anticipatory grief and mourning. We find ourselves reacting and continually adapting not only to an expected loss, but to all the losses – past, present, and future – that are encountered in that experience. Anticipatory mourning begins as soon as we become aware that death may happen. It begins when […]

Can’t Think of Mom Without Crying

Question from a reader: I just wish for the day when I can think of my mom without crying. Why does it seem to last for so long? It’s been five months since my mom passed and I still can’t think of her without bawling. I’ve been very depressed lately and some days are better than others, but it often feels as if I’m on a roller-coaster. I just want to keep it together for my daughter; I don’t like falling apart in front of her. I wish there was an easy solution to all of this pain. I just […]

When Your Companion Animal is Missing

By Marty Tousley, RN, MS, FT, DCC As a hospice bereavement counselor who also specializes in pet loss, I’ve encountered in my support groups and through my websites many distraught animal lovers whose beloved dogs or cats have gone missing. These animals may have escaped from their home or yard, run off while traveling with their owners, been taken in by a stranger, or even outright stolen. I have a special place in my heart for such pet parents, because I’ve been there, too – as I describe in this excerpt from my book, The Final Farewell: One Christmas Eve my beloved […]

Dealing With the Death of an Abusive Mother

Question: Two weeks ago, my mother died of metastatic cancer. We had a strained relationship our entire life together. Growing up she could be very cruel to me, and that is what ensued as I tried to care for her. Before her illness, we hadn’t spoken in almost 3 years, but I wanted to be there for her and support her. I forgave her before she died and asked that she forgive me, and I feel a certain amount of closure which we were able to create. But just when things were going beautifully, it was as if some demonic […]

Finding Grief Support Online

By Marty Tousley, RN, MS, FT, DCC If you have access to a computer with an Internet connection, you have at your fingertips a wealth of grief information, comfort and support. The Open to Hope website offers an extensive array of resources. Other websites offer online chat rooms, discussion forums and message boards, where you can join a virtual support group, connecting with and sharing your experiences with others whose losses are similar to your own. The online Grief Healing Discussion Groups that I monitor and moderate is an example of such a site. Selecting from over a dozen individual forums, […]

Open to Hope is an online community offering inspirational stories of loss, hope and recovery. We believe hope is the bridge between loss and recovery.