Shirley Wiles-Dickinson

Shirley Wiles-Dickinson is the youngest of four girls in a Midwestern family. In 2009, her sister was brutally murdered. She writes about her experience following this loss.

Articles:

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Norway Killings: The ‘Why’ Lingers

When I first heard the news about the senseless murders in Norway, my thoughts immediately went to the survivors of the murdered people: the shock, the disbelief, the surreal  feelings they must be experiencing.   Followed by the questions, why, who, why, why, why!   Fortunately, the who has been answered. The why will linger for weeks and months, perhaps years to come. Whenever I hear of tragedies like that in Norway, I recall the feelings I experienced almost two years ago, when my sister was murdered.   The shock is overwhelming, to say the least.  The shock alone can last for months.  […]

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The Three Ds of Dealing with Grief

It will soon be two years since my dear sister was murdered.  Two years. Sometimes it seems like forever, yet most days, it seems like only yesterday.    Over the last two years, I have worked very hard on myself.  I have learned patience. I have learned to really not sweat the small stuff.  I have learned to let go of things I cannot control.  I have learned to make changes, healthy changes for myself.  It is a process, a journey that we travel after losing a loved one.   It took me some time, but the first thing I […]

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Casey Anthony Verdict Stirs Fears in Sister of Murdered Woman

Like many people this past week, I heard the verdict in the Casey Anthony trial.  I did not follow the trial closely so I really don’t know what evidence was presented.  I do know that I have read much of the evidence was circumstantial.  With my sister’s murder trial postponed for the 7th time recently, I’ve thought a lot about that “not guilty” verdict.  I shudder to think when the trial finally does happen, that those two words be spoken. I’ve been told by the prosecutor that he has no doubt in his mind that the right man is accused. […]

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What To Do With a Loved One’s Possessions?

What to do with your loved one’s possessions? Less than two months after my sister’s murder, her 24-year-old daughter (my niece) called and asked for my help.   My sister owned her home and the insurance company would pay for a total restoration; however, everything had to be removed from the home before the restoration could begin. When my niece was talking to me about this, I realized I was holding my breath.  My sister was murdered in her home and now, we had to walk into that home and clear it of all her possessions.  Of course, I told my […]

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Woman Finds it Hard to Trust after Sister’s Murder

“A normal reaction to a very abnormal situation.” My psychologist spoke those words to me so often in the months following my sister’s murder. Choosing to seek the help of psychologist was one of the most important decisions I made.  I discussed so many emotions and feelings with her.  Emotions and feelings I would have most likely kept bottled up inside had I not made that first appointment with her. Of all the issues I discussed with her,  trust seemed to be the most difficult.  I remember my first appointment.  She was soft spoken, gentle, she put me at ease. […]

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Releasing Anger While Dealing with Loss

As most of us know, there are certain things that trigger our emotions while on this journey of grief.  I think it’s safe to say that we all understand there are different stages of grief, different emotions and feelings also. Many people experience anger while grieving. Anger at the deceased, anger at God, anger at the situation, just plain anger. After my sister was murdered, just under 18 months ago, I experienced anger. I still experience it.  I was angry that it happened to my sister. I was angry at God, and I still have a few questions for him.  […]

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For Family of Murder Victim, Wheels of Justice Turn Slowly

My sister was murdered on September 17, 2009. Six months and 5 days later, on March 23, 2010, an arrest was made.  It will soon be 18 months since her death. It will soon be 12 months since the arrest was made.  I’ve been told that the court process will be slow. It will take time.  I’ve learned what I have been told is true. I’ve also learned that waiting is a true test of my patience. The initial trial was set for June 7th, then continued until June 21st.  The trial was continued once again, this time until September […]

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When Living in Grief, ‘Keep Walking’

Within two weeks after my sister’s death, I knew, as did my husband, that I was not in a good place. I felt like I was walking around the edge of a big black hole. One missed step and I would fall into that hole.  My husband gently suggested I go see my doctor. I heeded his advice and saw my doctor the very next day. She put me on an anti-depressant and set up my first appointment with a therapist. On my first visit, the therapist and I talked about my sister’s death, the tragic way in which she […]

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Tucson Murders Rekindle Memories of Sister’s Death

I’ve been listening and reading about the senseless shootings in Arizona.  Such a tragedy.  I think about all the families and friends affected by this terrible act.  I think about the journey they are just beginning.  Unfortunately I can relate to what they are going through. When my sister was brutally murdered in her home, the shock alone was overwhelming. That was followed by complete sadness and anger. The one question the survivors of Tuscon will ask and will never get a justifiable answer is, “Why?” In time, they will get the answers to all the other questions, but the […]

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Before and After

Have you ever noticed how when we lose a loved one, over time we measure events and time by before and after.    My son graduated from college before Dad died. My daughter graduated from college after Dad died.  I often think how my life has changed, what is different now, after Dad died.   Before Dad died, I talked to my Mom a lot, after Dad died I talked to my Mom even more. She needed me more. She always needed me, even before Dad died. It took his death to make me realize that. Before and After, our measure […]

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