Shirley Wiles-Dickinson

Shirley Wiles-Dickinson is the youngest of four girls in a Midwestern family. In 2009, her sister was brutally murdered. She writes about her experience following this loss.

Articles:

Memory Loss During Grief

In the last 15 months, I have had the privilege of talking and listening to many people on this journey of grief. One thing that seems to be constant with everyone I’ve listened to is the loss of memory. Not the memories created with their loved ones, but simply remembering everyday things. Why did I come into the kitchen? What was I going to do? Where did I put my keys? Those forgetful moments are normal when your mind and heart are grieving. I remember several times I was driving in the car and forgot where I was going! There […]

Finding a Purpose After a Sibling’s Murder

After my sister, Sandra, was murdered in September of 2009, I was pro-active in seeking help to deal with the tragedy. I saw my doctor regularly, a family therapist and later a psychologist. I also found a wonderful support group through our local hospice. At first, I felt so weak, needing help dealing with the loss. As the weeks unfolded into months, I realized, with the help of all my support, that I wasn’t weak at all for needing help. I was strong for realizing I needed it. And even stronger for asking for help. I remember discussing in the […]

Prepare to Make it Through the Holidays

With the holidays fast approaching, I think about last Christmas. Last year was the first Christmas without my sister. Personally, I felt like skipping over the entire season. I knew in my heart that others were depending on me to help make the holidays bearable, so I helped. I did ask less of myself though. I did most of my shopping online. When I did go out to the malls I was surrounded by happy, laughing people and I felt very alone. I didn’t feel like laughing and being happy. I was almost angry that everyone around me was going […]

My Sister’s Murder: The Questions Continue

On September 18th, my sister, Sandra, was found dead in her home. It was ruled a homicide later that day. Within a few days we had received the answers to two of our questions. When and How. The time of death was recorded as shortly after 9 am, when she was pronounced dead in her home. My other two sisters and I will always believe she died the night before, September 17. We also found out how she died. Stab wounds to the heart. Receiving those two answers were heart wrenching. Albeit they were answers we so desperately needed. The […]

Six Months After Sister’s Murder, an Arrest and More Questions

When my sister was murdered in her home in September of 2009, my life changed forever. The questions that flood your mind in these circumstances are unbearable. Not knowing who murdered my sister was all-consuming. Every day, I waited for my phone to ring, to hear the detective’s voice telling me an arrest was made. I tried to prepare myself for that day. How would I react? Would I be overjoyed? Would I feel relief? There is no script for this, no rule book. You learn as you go. I experienced frustration at the lack of an answer. I already […]

Following Sister’s Murder, Questions Abound

How many of us have watched the news, listened to the terrible details of a homicide and thought to ourselves “that poor family”? I would venture to say most of us have had that thought. I did. I would hear news like that think to myself or say to my husband, “that poor family,” and my life continued on. On September 18, 2009, I unfortunately became one of those poor families. My sister was found dead in her home. Her death was ruled a homicide later the same day. It is so difficult to explain the feelings, the emotions, the […]

First Hours After a Sister’s Murder: Big Questions

Many people have suffered some kind of loss of a loved one through death. Personally, I’ve lost both sets of grandparents, my father, two uncles and four aunts, not to mention family friends. But nothing prepared me for the questions — and complications — that followed my sister’s death. My sister died on September 18, 2009 . She was found in her home on the bathroom floor. My sister and I shared a wonderful relationship, one of unconditional love and acceptance. It was a relationship that I thought was relatively normal between sisters. I have since learned, through sharing my […]

Open to Hope is an online community offering inspirational stories of loss, hope and recovery. We believe hope is the bridge between loss and recovery.